As more people find acceptance in the LGBTQ community for a wide range of sexual and gender identities, conversation within the community has turned to the question of what defines... Read More
I wonder about this too. My earliest ever sexual fantasies were and still are exclusively power-based more than sex based, and it’s the only thing I find works solo but in real life I think I want it rather than need it. It’s not that I’m closeted or frustrated even, more like a slap is immediate, forcing submission will always work on me whether I want it to or not, but regular plain sex feels so good too.
I don’t really think of it as queer because it’s almost more an extreme of some awful straight ideal? Not the pain part, I am not sure everyone can get off on pain, or enjoy it at all.
The masochistic part for me is less intense but natural and inborn and not just a sex thing. My dad told my mom he’d always take me out for spicy food because he could tell if I didn’t get it for awhile I’d be crabby, and that was when I was very young, like 4 or 5. So needing some pain, that didn’t come from trauma or training. I can enjoy it sexually but also as just a feeling. And it’s not escalating, don’t need more intense sensations, some is much better than none but more is not better than some. So maybe that too is just sort of normal?
I don’t feel queer but maybe freaky I guess. And I don’t think I’d primarily identify by my sexuality, and am getting all the social privilege of being straight no matter what we do in the bedroom so it feels sort of inappropriate to think of it as queer. Though of course I hope for the day when everyone gets all those social privileges no matter what they do with other consenting adults.
I wonder about this too. My earliest ever sexual fantasies were and still are exclusively power-based more than sex based, and it’s the only thing I find works solo but in real life I think I want it rather than need it. It’s not that I’m closeted or frustrated even, more like a slap is immediate, forcing submission will always work on me whether I want it to or not, but regular plain sex feels so good too.
I don’t really think of it as queer because it’s almost more an extreme of some awful straight ideal? Not the pain part, I am not sure everyone can get off on pain, or enjoy it at all.
The masochistic part for me is less intense but natural and inborn and not just a sex thing. My dad told my mom he’d always take me out for spicy food because he could tell if I didn’t get it for awhile I’d be crabby, and that was when I was very young, like 4 or 5. So needing some pain, that didn’t come from trauma or training. I can enjoy it sexually but also as just a feeling. And it’s not escalating, don’t need more intense sensations, some is much better than none but more is not better than some. So maybe that too is just sort of normal?
I don’t feel queer but maybe freaky I guess. And I don’t think I’d primarily identify by my sexuality, and am getting all the social privilege of being straight no matter what we do in the bedroom so it feels sort of inappropriate to think of it as queer. Though of course I hope for the day when everyone gets all those social privileges no matter what they do with other consenting adults.