I’ve been seeing someone for a while now. We don’t generally see each other often, and for reasons outside either of our control, we’d never had sex until this weekend. We had a good time, and I learned two very important things. The first is that she gets very loud. So much so that I was genuinely a bit concerned about the neighbours. I’m definitely going to be making sure my windows are closed next time. The second is that she gets very turned on when you bite her on the neck. That’s a handy thing to know.

It might be a while before we see each other again, but you can bet I’ll be taking advantage of that knowledge any time I can.