Merica
Even our wildlife needs mobility scooters
but hey, we can always strap some fusion-powered mobility thrusters and it’ll soar with the best of them, right?
(also, while we’re at it, lets give them control of their shits and train them to shit on trump.)
TLDR; he ate a racoon.
This could also be a convincing headline about RFK Jr
I would welcome this reply in any thread. And from now on I expect to see it in every thread.
AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!
WHERE EVEN THE EAGLES ARE MORBIDLY OBESE
🎵God bless the USA 🎵
Merica fuck yeah.
freedom noises
Other than the word “eagle,” this headline could be about me.
The bird was unable to fly after eating what is suspected to be raccoon roadkill.
“My ancestors hunted, but I mostly just sit by the side of a highway and wait for cars to do my hunting for me. They can even bring down deer.”
Bald eagles are in fact scavengers. They’re shit birds, are not majestic, fuck with the real birds of prey, and steal their kills. Also they eat road kill, and their cry is disconcertingly discordantly cringe.
I awhile back I saw an eagle eating roadkill and as my car approached, it grabbed the carcass it was eating and flew off into a field with it a few feet, dropped it, and sat down to start eating it again.
Had no idea eagles ate carrion. I figured that one was just young or something and having a hard time hunting, but I guess not?
Basically, AFAIK, eagles can hunt fish from the sea. They eat other birds & various creatures. They look majestic AF & their eyes are amazing. But they’re not the most intelligent birds around.
They also eat a lot of roadkill, carrion, trash. So looks aside, bald eagles are kind of disgusting. But hey. Something has to clean up trash…and if the bald eagles will eat rotting carcasses… technically that is being useful.
Get him a mobility drone.
Insurance said no.
I feel like Roger Alan Wade weren’t singing about a God damn bald eagle, but never the less:
The ain’t no wings on a pachyderm, it’s too fat too fly
Ain’t ko wings on a barn yard pig, it’s too fat to fly
There ain’t no wings on your fat ass and there ain’t no wonder whyeagle eats too much burgers like real americans
