(Early 20s bi m)

This isnt a question on finding someone who’s interested, more on how to approach asking for things like sexting or even just discussing sexual topics without it coming across like thats the only thing Im interested in .

How do I ease into that kind of discussion in a way that would let me back off gracefully if I get the sense that the person I’m talking to isnt interested in that at the moment? What bridge topics could I use that are more innocuous than just dropping a “hey what are your opinions about buttfucking?” Into the conversation like a grenade.

I’d like to be able to use a lighter touch so if it seems like somebody isnt interested at the moment I could circle back when they might be more in the mood for that, or at least not ruin the non-sexual things I like about the relationship if it seems like they’re not interested at all.

I’m also fairly vanilla in terms of sexual interests, advice specific to kink would be appreciated since I’m kink-curious but isnt exactly what I’m looking for.

  • jjjalljs@ttrpg.networkEnglish
    7·
    18 days ago

    Ask them out. “You seem cool. Want to go on a date to see if we click?”. I recommend using the word date explicitly because several of my friends have “gone out for drinks” and then been uncertain if it was a date

    On the date, if things are going well, just ask if you can kiss them. Some people have ideas about how you should just go for it but the error rate there is high, and most people prefer consent.

    If that goes well, you can ask about what other things they like. The context and mood will be appropriate.

    Don’t be a pen pal on the dating apps. Just ask them out.

  • RBWellsV23@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    2·
    18 days ago

    Ok - you met on Hinge so you have at least some assurance that they are looking for a physical relationship, yes? But they have not brought it up with you yet? You are into them and do want sex if they are down but like them in other ways so would like to be friends if not?

    Maybe just touch them physically a little and see what response you get, if you are having trouble finding words? Hold hands?

    • kyle@lemm.eeEnglish
      2·
      18 days ago

      Sort of an aside from OP’s original question, but when I was dating, I’d find ways to initiate light physical touch, like complimenting rings/nails to touch their hands, short contact with the elbow or back. Something to gauge their response without overwhelming their personal space.

  • dugmeup@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    2·
    18 days ago

    My advice is that you don’t explicitly talk about this with someone who you wr flirting with. Once you are a sexual partner sure, but not before.

    Before that it is much more about compatibility, mutual attraction. Post kissing you can talk about the details sure, but before that it’s more non-verbal, it’s about expressing your attraction. If you initiate the sexual talk beforehand it comes across as if you are in a meat market which most people I have come across tend to turn away from.

    But that is just my 2 cents on that matter, hope it helps.