Cap

The probability that a monkey would throw its shit against the wall and have it look exactly like Shakespeare is, on the other hand, extremely likely in our lifetime.

First, I throw in a jalapeno as a life preserver, then I come in with the second chip like an S.S. Minnow sent from heaven. Finally I Mobey Dick the rescue team and send them to the depths of hell that is my digestive tract.

I read the title as someone from Boston saying, 'He got the job, didn’t he?!?"

We call that a prison pacifier!

Good one! I didn’t see that coming!

The first boy she French kissed choked to death.

Sounds like a shitshow that got out of hand.

Jesus Take The Wheel

Heat + Old(er) + Rocky Greek Island + Hiking = Death

I think this math checks out.