I had a party line during the 80’s in Arkansas.

Hungry?

Hi! I’m Guy Weinerman. I always had trouble striking up conversations with strangers until that fateful day I made a fantastic discovery! For the low low sum of $49.95 I can teach you what I discovered.

I volunteer as tribute!

I’m always UP for an escort.

Especially if she’s a long legged redhead.

UMMMmmmm what do you mean not “that” type of escort???

Having been abducted by aliens myself and having sired offspring, I believe that this would be a good match! We shall vanquish our foes.

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My fitness is questionable, but my knowledge is vast. I’ll team up and be ok.

I really didn’t want to but I’ve had run ins with that HP 5200 in the past and Betty is still covered in toner stains from when he/it dusted her. She was gently cleaning his roller when he suddenly exploded all over her face and hair. Milky white skin, blonde hair, both hands… totally covered in hot black toner… literally forced her to face clients the rest of the day covered in his letter batter. Sorry, not sorry.

I went to the supply closet today and saw with my own two eyes 3 HP printers had our only Brother printer cornered. I backed away slowly and told no one.

For many years I was getting maybe 2 hours sleep a night. The slightest sound would wake me up and then I’d lay there trying to get back to sleep. Which spiraled into me getting up to pee 3 or 4 times a night. I read about Valerian root being great for helping fall asleep so I tried it with little hope. 2 capsules half an hour before bed. I nodded off easily and woke up a few hours later. 3 straight hours of sleep was unheard-of for me.

Then I added a couple 25mg Benadryl to help me stay asleep or go right back to sleep if something woke me up… like my bladder that was now completely trained to need emptying every one and a half to two hours.

Just prior to Covid I got a cpap. It took me a week before I slept thru the night. Happened again the next week… then a couple nights a week. A few years using my cpap and now most nights I sleep right thru or if I do wake up I can nod right back off. I still use the Valerian root and Benadryl every night but neither of those build up a tolerance.

Word of warning: Actually 2… you will not get “high” on Valerian root and the dreams you have will be in ultra high Def technicolor Sid and Marty Kroft bizarre fun dreams. Actually 3… the Valerian root smells bad. As in 6 week old gym socks marinated in the trunk of your Chevelle during the summer mixed with dog shit. But they help and you only smell it for a second before swallowing.

I also added a sleep eye mask with Bluetooth headphones built in and I listen to positive affirmations blended with mild rain sounds.

So… pills, cpap, headphones mask.