You live in Germany don’t you

We have friends with a similar age gap, she is I think 36 and he is 56 now. Their son is 3.5. He also has grown up kids not much younger than his wife. The kid was planned.

It’s hard and he is passing on having another child for age reasons (see below), but their son is great and none of them regret the decision. The dad’s back and knee are bad, so running after their Duracell powered son who looks like Finn from Adventure Time (that hair! Dude is set for life, he’ll make bank as a hair modell) can get difficult. But they manage and are active and a very cute and happy family. Having a kid is always hard and stressful, unless you are a tiktok influencer, then it is the easiest thing you’ve done because it comes so naturally to you /s

As for it “feeling strange”: from my own life experience, things only feel strange if you allow them to feel strange. Everything can be awkward and weird and strange and whatever, or you just decide this is your life and only you get to decide what is and what is not strange.

As for my friends, I think nothing about anything in their life feels weird. She literally lived with her now husband and his son for a while. It was fine. His kids are cool with the younger sibling. They get to choose what is normal. They chose that this is. Their family is. This is their family and their normality.

To add: Having two little kids vs one little kid is a whole different level. He has first hand experience in that, so I don’t think not wanting another kid means he regrets it. Not at all. I think he just realizes that this would be not double as hard but quadruple as hard and he won’t be able to do that. My husband is 35 and cannot imagine having a second child for similar reasons. He just doesn’t have the energy level for another small being - and it will be more than double the energy required, while he couldn’t give an extra 50% even if he wanted to.

So the question is really, how do you feel about it? Do you two have some energy left? Are you ok with taking on the majority of the physical work? Even if your partner is doing fine physically now, he might decline sooner than you think, unexpectedly.

I might add, bluntly: you have already decided that it is ok for you that the likely (if not ideal) outcome of your relationship is that your husband dies much before you. You will likely be a young widow. It might also be that he lives to 100 and you die in a freak accident after reading this. I’m not telling you anything new here. This is just to remind you of your choice and your thoughts on this when you decided to commit to each other. Because a lot of people point out that your kid might not have a dad for long. (Which, yeah, other people lose their parents at a young age too, but having it be more likely is another thing, although, does this mean sick/disabled people with a shortened life span should not have kids either, and then we are in eugenics territory or the antinatalists chime in.)

Anyway, I’ll get a lot of hate in the comments (honestly taking this question to lemmy where a lot of antinatalists are hanging out is crazy) but in my opinion - which must be totally valuable to you lol - I’d go for it. Even if it is hard and you reach your limits, this is such a short time of intense chaos in your life. And then you’ll have a kid. You’ll have experienced this crazy thing. And love and support don’t care for your age. Hugs and kisses are just as heartfelt. Your kid will be just as much of their own person, no matter what age their parents were. We all don’t have a perfect family. But as I mentioned above, normal is what you define is normal. And a perfect and ideal family is whatever you decide it is.

Thank you for reading all of this.

Slip slap slop seek slide.

Just an umbrella won’t protect you from UV rays, let alone if you spend a lot of time outdoors and the umbrella doesn’t have a UPF. Even then, you’ll have rays reflecting from surfaces. Do you wear long clothes? Do they have a UPF? And where do you live? (Rhetorical question, I don’t need to know that of course)

If you are worried about chemicals, try mineral sunscreens. Non nano. They look and perform like shit but this is literally just zinc oxide sitting on top of your skin, reflecting the rays back like a mirror. Nothing is penetrating your skin, nothing is turning photons into heat. Zinc oxide is a compound you can get in a baby cream and a lot of pharmaceutical creams and it is reducing inflammation.

I like the umbrella, don’t get me wrong, but depending on what exactly you do it might just be not enough. I’m worried it provides you with a false sense of security. Trust me, Japanese people don’t rely on their umbrellas only.

No, that’s not it. Often there is free shipping to begin with; sometimes there isn’t.

Sometimes the shipping costs to return the product are covered, sometimes they aren’t; but when they are covered, that still doesn’t reimburse the original shipping costs if it wasn’t free shipping [to me].

I bought patches via amazon a couple of weeks ago - from a German company - with shipping costs since they weren’t part of prime. I had to send everything back and pay for the return too, was absolutely a loss on my end but the quality was too shit to keep them. None of the shipping, neither to me nor back, was refunded.

When I buy directly from companies, be it DMC, Rosie Wool (RIP), Otto - when I pay for the shipping to me I have not been refunded the cost.

That, my friend, was the shower thought that followed the original shower thought

What shops are you referring to? Nothing I ever ordered refunded my delivery fee upon return. This includes but is not limited to Amazon, Ikea, Zalando, Otto, Roller, Kaufland, Lidl, Yarn Shops, DM, Mediamarkt.

Congrats, you perfectly missed the point of the message you replied to.

Maybe your nephew gets the iPad all the time and that messed up his frustration tolerance. Ok. You might have a closer inside to how he is parented. When you see someone outside with a kid on an iPad you cannot know these things about them. Whatever it looks like to you, you’re judging strangers based on a one point observation.

Apfelschorle

I know this sounds very “duh” but I had an epiphany when I realized that the reason I hated advice and tips for parenting was that I didn’t see my kid as a child, I saw her as a person. And just like I would be offended if my partner took some rando’s advice on “women” to deal with me, I get subconsciously defensive when my daughter is treated like a kid that comes with a handbook. There are 5 ticks for this behavior in this age and one of them will work. Fuck that. It doesn’t and it doesn’t need to and it shouldn’t be expected to. She’s an individual, there is no manual for that.

She’s turning 4 soon btw - and I love her to bits with her chaotic insanity. I feel as if it’s not like she doesn’t fit into a box or likes to think outside the box - she just dismantles the box, it is non-existent to her. She is actually very social, popular and follows rules well in kindergarten. Despite her answer to that theory of mind question about where the doll is being “there’s multiple dolls” which spins into a Lynchian tale about parallel dolls

I mean, the dick punch was really unnecessary but I am glad that other families experience… Weirdness, I guess. And exclusion of a parent.

I can’t count how often I read and heard the advice to “just present your kid with two options to choose from”.

My kid, even before she became verbal, always wanted option C when presented with two options.

“Do you want this hat or this cap?” “Neither”

“Do you want this blue pants or these red sweatpants?” “I want… a green… dress” we don’t even have a green dress.

“Shall we go to the zoo today or do you want to go to the playground with Anna?” “I want to go on the trampoline” .

I moved from Bavaria to Saxony about two years ago. I always thought the whole “The West” “The East” thing was a joke and no one actually talked and thought like that.

Then I realized that it was just that there is “The East”, “The West”, and “Bavaria”. Bavarians don’t identify with “The West”. Nothing “The East” says about “The West” applies well to Bavaria. It’s just a very shielded microcosm. Bavarians don’t identify as Germans. They identify as Bavarians primarily. They are doing their own thing.

In defense of the restaurant (because I used to go there a lot) they also have a selection of vegetarian and vegan dishes. They do serve Bavarian classics and that’s their main focus, but there are always some “modern”/“alternative” dishes.

It’s in the airport. Actually, Airbräu is the only brewery that is located in an airport as far as I know. It has also weirdly cheap (and very tasty) beer for being both in “Munich” and in an airport .

You’re at Airbräu! I love it!

I heard that sentiment a lot the last couple of days, and people were so serious about it. It was mostly because I thought it was common sense to use sun protection with my 3 year old and not let her play out in the sun in a short bathing suit at noon and without a hat. And that I preferred her to wear socks and tucked in pants when they went to a forest with ticks.

You worry too much Look at us, we also made it here, and our parents didn’t look out for these things How are people even living nowadays with all their restrictions Think less you’ll sleep better Ignorance is bliss, we just don’t overthink it

Your kids all look like tomatoes turning into raisins y’all

I feel like in a fever dream

So Idk where you guys live and how your self checkouts look but here is my German perspective.

1. If I need a new gas cylinder I have to exchange it at the cashier’s
2. If I buy alcohol or cigarettes I also have to get my ID checked. The self checkout will then be put on pause until some worker shows up and realizes I am well in my 30s. I can also not buy things like razorblades at self checkout.
3. Often the stuff will be weighted to ensure I put it in the bag and not more or less. When I buy something light, think a small back of herbs of like 15 grams, the scale doesn’t realize it and again a problem occurs and a worker has to come
4. If I make a mistake like scanning twice I cannot cancel and again a worker has to come
5. It usually is a much more crammed space. I don’t even need a whole trolley for it to become uncomfortable. More than 5-10 items just don’t work because I have no space. Putting everything out of the trolley on the conveyor belt, getting it scanned, and then putting it back in the trolley is much easier.
6. If there are any items with a sale (30% off because BB date is approaching) I cannot scan this and again a worker needs to come.
7. I am not as fast. Not only because it is not a conveyor belt and I am not sitting at a scanner deck, but also I am just slower than a cashier who knows the code for fairtrade bananas and the avocados from spain but not from peru by heart. It’s my first time scanning this can of beans, where is the bar code? While it is 9 am and the cashier has already scanned this can of beans 25 times today. (8. In some supermarkets my kid gets a free fruit which it not necessary but I find super cute. This is only a thing at the cashier’s)

All I have to say is “hello”, “card please”, and “good day”. And I can also just wave these things. So yeah, I am absolutely standing in line if it is possible. It is so much faster and more convenient and going to self checkout to then get an error code and wait for help to arrive for 10 minutes is absolutely not worth it. (Looking at you, cursed Rewe in Munich). Then I also have to explain what’s the problem much more embarrassingly than any “hi thanks yeah with card please have a great day you to bye” conversation could ever be.

Edit: I just thought of an important 9.

9. I feel so much more anxious and pressured in the self checkout. How fast I am done with scanning, paying, and packing things up depends entirely on me. And I feel the stares of the people in line at self checkout stabbing my back. Telling me to hurry. I try to be fast but the more I try the more I fuck up. So for all the folks who don’t like cashiers because of social interaction, don’t you feel the angst of the line?

I know I’m in the minority

Dude look around the comment section. 90% talk about prefering self checkout

Thank you so much!! I wish I had more stuff to post but I’ll try 🫠 I think the guilt tripping is working

Thank you!

I 👏 want 👏 more 👏 girl 👏 content 👏

To be clear - I am talking about stereotypically “female” subjects, not about the gender itself, and I hope it goes without saying that I want people of all genders to be part of it. Some topics over on reddit are full of guys, NBs, and everyone else, but are what a bigoted 90s teacher would call “female” topics. I want more stuff of what that 90s teacher would call “girly” stuff.

I mean, something like a makeup community. Maybe skincare and fashion. Cleaning tips. Pre and post and peri pregnancy content. The parenting community on lemmy is super quiet. There is a sewing community but it is rather quiet too. I haven’t found a mending focused community yet. Boy there even isn’t a sailor moon community, like 😭 come on

I’m horrible in creating any content tho, so uhm, not sure I should be complaining.