Where we’re going we won’t need fingernails

Ice ICE, baby

Who needs a billiards table when you’ve got these absolute party animals?

And the first beast was like a lion, and the second beast like a calf, and the third beast had a face as a man, and the fourth beast was like a flying eagle.

And the four beasts had each of them six wings about him; and they were full of eyes within: and they rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.

And when those beasts give glory and honour and thanks to him that sat on the throne, who liveth for ever and ever,

I don’t know why addressing a cat as “cat” is the funniest thing ever

I once got passed by two speeding DeLoreans. I ended up catching up to them when we all hit a traffic jam.

You win a free trip to the Hague

Hey, we’re learning, okay?

The candle that burns four times as bright burns a quarter as long

pan to tax preparation companies taking turns sucking off Uncle Sam

If you’re blind, it’s a possibility.

My sister’s tuxedo is so wild, you can tell her mind is going a mile a minute but somehow doesn’t have much going on up there.

She’s banned because she flipped him on his back and huffed his belly

Same.

Bears are basically just giant dogs, it’s not fair

Yeah I’m on the edge of my seat here. I demand a refund.

Why does he look like he’s announcing the reorganization of the republic into the first galactic empire?

I thought that number looked familiar

It’s real

TFW a passenger turns up the radio to cover a fart