What are the things you maybe encountered or are generally common that turn you off a lot?
Can share my story as an example. I’m very much a committed monogamous guy, and, for second relationships in a row (fourth total), the girl offers me a condom from an open pack.
They do not use them for their stuff, they literally just kept them for like a year from previous relationships (to which both girls admitted), which is not only a questionable approach to storing condoms (please do not store them in an open box in a random place), but also a giant turn off for me, almost like using sex toys from previous partner.
What are such things in your life? Maybe something that is generally accepted as normal, but makes you uncomfortable? Would love to hear stories from all sides.
Well, I’m lucky enough to be married and not have to deal with new partners any more.
That being said, my biggest gripe was how often folks would just assume that because I’m big, that I’m automatically going to prefer pounding partners into the bed until they can’t move.
Like, yeah, I look like some kind of overbuilt savage sasquatch, but damn. There were many people I turned down because they didn’t get that my default isn’t trying to shove my penis through their cervix as hard and fast as possible. And that’s both the ones that were scared of it, and the ones that wanted that.
After a while, I got tired of it being assumed that I was inherently brutal just because of my looks. The ones that wanted that didn’t bug me as much because at least that’s a normal part of negotiations. But there is nothing that’s more of a turn off than fear. I get it, I do. Women have a long history of being treated like an object for use. And I am big. Even after I quit lifting for mass, and lost some bulk, and over a decade disabled, I’m still big.
But give a dude a chance to be gentle ffs. We’ve cuddled and I’m very careful when using my size with others, so it’s equally as likely that’s how I’ll be in bed, since that’s at least based on things I’ve done.
But it’s whatever now :)
My wife, before she was my wife, traveled hundreds of miles just to meet me based on our interactions online. And yeah, she was nervous, but she never once made it about me being sasquatch looking. She just trusted that I would be the same person she had known for a couple years.
As weird as it may seem, most of my partners over the years were people I had known for months or years. So it isn’t like I was getting the fear from hookups only.
Heavily doubling down on everything you say here!
I am big, too, and that DOES NOT MEAN I AM NOT GENTLE!
Those who know me close, of course, know me as a cuddly and kind and gentle person; girlfriend knows more about it, including sexual stuff, and loves me for that, to which I am very grateful.
Interesting you mentioned your wife drove to see you - I just recently came back from seeing my girl, around 700 miles away, and finally, October to November, she will be able to move in with me. You just added some bright hopes :)