I figure I’ll make a post about this as an extension of my usual mental release, HAH! My wife is going on a four day vacation so I’m dreaming of escaping, but unfortunately, this is about as far as I can afford to go.

Anyway, the dream is two fold, If I realize I can’t make it, then the blue area is all I am able to afford (when my allowance permits), but if I am capable of making enough for the return trip, then the red is my most desired route (AKA, where I can grow ferns outside, and where I had the most fun during the last times I was capable of traveling. I still, very vividly, see the Adiantum pedatum growing wild along a trail in Pershing State Park in Missouri in 2016).

Unfortunately, my home life is not the greatest for learning new tricks, and my skills are extremly lacking in anything non-physical related. Plus my chronic pains, I just don’t know what this old damn body can do, so i dream every once in a while, HAH! It’s like window shopping, except with ferns, HAHA!

Teotl, I miss traveling. Pppp! But that job was my last possible effort, and I let the stress and my wife’s anger to make me drop it. Eh, I had a lot of fun on those trails. Pershing State Park, MO, Bobwhite State Park, IA, Weldon Springs State Park, IL, and Copper Breaks State Park, TX…Oh hell, Copper Breaks, almost passed out from low blood sugar because once I started finding Pellaea atropurpurea growing along a trail, I went absolutely crazy with sheer joy, HAH! There were so many. It was beautiful.

Ok, I’m done. I need to stop dreaming now, HAH!

  • intensely_human@lemm.ee
    0·
    4 months ago

    Also, I assume this is something where you don’t feel safe just leaving when your wife is there.

    It helps me to understand what precisely is the mechanism by which this would go wrong, if you just told her “I’m leaving”.

    Can you describe that? The reason why it has to be when she’s away?

    Even if it’s psychological, it’s worth articulating.

    I can connect you with people who run men’s groups online, if that would be helpful for you in establishing a support network.

    The key thing to remember is that you are worth it. You’re worth causing trouble and making waves over. I’m willing to dedicate some time and energy to helping you. I don’t have much to spare. Mostly connections and knowledge are what I can offer though, moreso than time and energy.

    I finally got out of a long relationship which I had thought was going to last until my death. I was resigned to an unhappy, unfulfilled fate. Then I got out, and boy has it been hard. But worth it! SO WORTH IT.

    I am myself again. I would be honored, if this is what you need, to help you find that in your own life as well.