This strikes me the same as saying, “No matter what I do or say to myself, I feel deeply in my soul that I am a bad/flawed person.”
https://www.liberationhealingseattle.com/blog-trauma-therapist/ptsd-core-beliefs-trauma-survivors
I think this is what i was looking for. Thank you!
You’re welcome! I also experience that, so I noticed it intuitively. Lately, I’ve been trying to navigate it myself by realizing that sometimes I say lies just to prove it right. Like, I will confess to intentions I didn’t have or even behaviors I didn’t commit just so people can think that. Like, I might go somewhere with a friend and accidentally forget my wallet. When it comes time to pay for something sporadic, I admit that I left my wallet at home to not have to pay. Or, I might admit to stealing something I payed for. I don’t know why I do it, but I think it’s related to the belief that I’m a bad person and want others to think that because it would be validating. It also gives the impression that I’m sneaky, so it serves as a warning for people to not try shady crap with me. I know it’s not healthy and don’t like that I do that, so I’m trying to work on it. I think the root cause is the core belief that I’m bad and don’t deserve love. I’m freaking crazy lol…aww 🙁
Is this a leading question regarding religion?
Anyway, if you can’t control the watcher, and the premise is they are always there, and always will be, you still have to live a life.
If all they ever do is watch, they technically have no impact on you, so your opinion of integrity is unchanged. It’s like they don’t really exist, aside from the observation.
If they have some judgement on you, then you are functionally living under duress, and the concept of integrity is a mess. There are far bigger problems happening to your “life”
No, it’s not solely about religion, but it is part of it. It was motivated by me trying to understand myself.
I was raised by a parent that was always keeping tabs on whether or not i was doing shit right. He let me know when i didn’t. This was followed by an ex wife that proved to be exponentially worse.
I was also raised Christian, but have since evolved my ideas of what a higher power may or may not be. I know this has a lot to do with how by brain functions today.
I guess the leading part was if anyone else feels the same way.
I may have gotten a bit too high last night.
Sounds like you were the correct amount of high. It’s the only way I get that introspective.
If you feel like you are always watched, you might want to check in with a psychiatrist. In all seriousness.
I feel like OP is referring to religious folks believing God is always watching.
Dunno if that really invalidates your comment though.
To me, being a good person extends to doing good when no one is watching. Can this be done if you feel like you’re always being watched?
Does it matter if someone has integrity if they always do the right thing?
That’s kind of arbitrary, isn’t it?
To me, being a good person extends to doing good while hopping on one leg.
That’s ridiculous, right? That’s obviously a definition of ‘good’ I’m creating, and choosing to impose on myself. Which is exactly what you’re doing. Yours is just less ridiculous.
This is just religion right
Integrity isn’t just about doing the right thing when nobody’s watching; it’s also about being mindful of the consequences of your actions. Heck, I’d say that’s the more important side. You might start dumping chemicals into the water without treatment because it’s cheaper and there’s technically no laws against it. But you’re still going to be physically responsible when everyone who lives there starts miscarrying every single pregnancy and the town is abandoned because of your misdeeds.
