I have a problem with establishing boundaries.

I’m a private person. That’s very often misinterpreted as being arrogant and feeling superior to others. I’m not, I just wish to be left alone, but people still feel disrespected and it’s tiring to be constantly explaining yourself. And I don’t understand why I have to explain myself constantly.

This very emotional and thankful patient wanted a picture with me and I stupidly agreed. He also wanted my phone number (I gave him a false one) to invite me to have lunch, as he celebrated his 70th birthday. I don’t believe it was sexual or romantic, because he is married, his wife was there when he extended the invitation and took the picture and he also wanted to invite the whole unit.

I acted like this because it was the easiest way to get him to leave the hospital and free the room but also because I didn’t want to cause a scene.

What could I do next time?

  • FuglyDuck@lemmy.worldEnglish
    613·
    29 days ago

    Not taking the picture is really spitting in the guys face. It’s so quick and it goes a long way to making them feel good, and feel good about you. It’s one of those things I would explain to my kid that you just do it and get it out of the way even if you don’t like it.

    Not even close. Not at all.

    Spitting on someone, aside from being freaking nasty, mean, and frequently motivated by some type of bigotry, is pretty much considered the same as physical assault everywhere. Especially if one carries any sort of disease communicable by saliva (Hep-C comes to mind. Meningitis. COVID.)

    Also, why do you- or whoever- get to have their feelings considered, but not OP’s? why do you feel like you- or whoever- is so entitled to another person’s likeness that they should just “Suck it up”?

    This is ignoring the simple reality that sometimes, that photo going up on the internet puts the person who didn’t want it up in direct, literal, harm. maybe their profession has some religious prohibition that there’s violation. Maybe there’s a stalker ex. Maybe they’re in some type of witness protection or secret agent.

    We don’t know why it’s uncomfortable, and it really doesn’t matter. People should be respected when they say “no, I don’t want my picture taken.”

    (my money is totally on secret agent.)

    But, yeah. Lying about there being a departmental prohibition on any of it is an easy way to just make the entire thing more awkward. It’s best to simply be candid and decline.

    • EatATaco@lemm.eeEnglish
      54·
      28 days ago

      Spitting on someone, aside from being freaking nasty, mean, and frequently motivated by some type of bigotry

      It’s a figure of speech. This is just pedanticism that completely avoids the actual point I made.

      Also, why do you- or whoever- get to have their feelings considered, but not OP’s? why do you feel like you- or whoever- is so entitled to another person’s likeness that they should just “Suck it up”?

      Because it’s the OP asking for advice on what to do in a certain situation. If it were someone else asking me what to do in the situation where they want to take a picture with someone that doesn’t want their picture taken, I would tell them to suck it up and go home without the picture.

      This is ignoring the simple reality that sometimes, that photo going up on the internet puts the person who didn’t want it up in direct, literal, harm. maybe their profession has some religious prohibition that there’s violation. Maybe there’s a stalker ex. Maybe they’re in some type of witness protection or secret agent.

      Except they gave us a reason: “I’m a private person.” Almost the first line of their post. The situation we were presented isn’t some case where it’s dangerous for them to have their picture taken. They just don’t want it. If it is risky for them, absolutely just decline.

      People should be respected when they say “no, I don’t want my picture taken.”

      Absolutely. But he didn’t say this, and explicitly said he doesn’t want to explain himself. So I responded to their actual request.

      It’s best to simply be candid and decline.

      I disagree. I get not wanting to give your number out to a patient or see one outside of work, and in that case you decline. I think most would understand this and not be offended.

      But this person just wants a picture with them, baring some ridiculously rare shit that they made implicitly clear is not the case, it’s a simple, virtually riskless request and it’s best to just make another person happy and take a picture with them.