I have a problem with establishing boundaries.

I’m a private person. That’s very often misinterpreted as being arrogant and feeling superior to others. I’m not, I just wish to be left alone, but people still feel disrespected and it’s tiring to be constantly explaining yourself. And I don’t understand why I have to explain myself constantly.

This very emotional and thankful patient wanted a picture with me and I stupidly agreed. He also wanted my phone number (I gave him a false one) to invite me to have lunch, as he celebrated his 70th birthday. I don’t believe it was sexual or romantic, because he is married, his wife was there when he extended the invitation and took the picture and he also wanted to invite the whole unit.

I acted like this because it was the easiest way to get him to leave the hospital and free the room but also because I didn’t want to cause a scene.

What could I do next time?

  • Random123@fedia.io
    25·
    4 months ago

    If youre someone without a care for people or just plain socially inept then sure your advice can work.

    All it takes is some social competency to understand how to politely reject someone even if it means changing your wording and tone.

    • jbrains@sh.itjust.works
      3·
      4 months ago

      You failed just now, so why would someone take your opinion about this seriously? (If this bothers you, then try reading it again in a cheerier tone. Oh! That didn’t help? Strange.)

      • sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        1·
        4 months ago

        You’re right they didn’t say it very nicely, but they are correct in a sense. You may need to use the “polite but firm card” if they aren’t taking no for an answer, but it doesn’t hurt to soften the rejection if you are saying no to a picture with a patient or someone else that you cared for. Many people will respect that, and the niceness goes a long way. And if they don’t respect it, you don’t owe them anything.

        • jbrains@sh.itjust.works
          1·
          4 months ago

          Yes. Of course. I fail to see where I suggested not softening the rejection. 🤷‍♂️

          I write “You can’t make them take your no for an answer, they have to choose to do that. It’s not a matter of politeness and it’s not your responsibility.” and people draw conclusions based on facts not in evidence. That. Is. My. Point. Whatever you try to do, they’ll find a way to find you rude, so don’t take responsibility for that.

          Moreover, let’s also remember that a less-polite “no” is still a “no”, and people need to learn to respect those, too. A sharper “no” is very often the result of 100 attempts to be polite and still be considered rude.