when I think of the word “fetish” I’m thinking about people who are into feet, bdsm, femdom, cuckolding or MDLB. Not someone who just finds X ethnicity more attractive on average than any other ethnicity. Nobody for example is going to say to a white man that he has a white girl fetish simply because he finds white women more attractive on average than any other ethnicity. Because it’s completely understandable that most people prefer to date with their own ethnicity. But the minute that white man finds a black women more attractive on average suddenly that’s fetishization. It’s completely ridiculous.
I think its one of those spectrum things. Preference <—> Fetish.
If you are interested in the person as well as the attribute, its probably more on the preference end, but if all you care about is the attribute, that’s when it strays into fetishisation?
Also matters how you express the preference. If your tinder profile says “women of colour only”, thats gonna come across more creepy than if you left that out, and just matched with whoever you found attractive.
I like your explanation. I think its like anything else. Is it a fetish to be a boob man or a but man or to like them big or small? To like athletic or lavashish? I think it comes down to how absolute it is. Its like on the ones side its hey I prefer so your sorta gonna get some points for features I like and on the other is like I will only date people who are or have X or something.
It’s only a fetish if it becomes the primary (or only) source of arousal. Having preferences isn’t a fetish. I am pansexual, but lean more toward preferring men. This does not mean I fetishize men.
Once someone explained it to me like i was a baby: If you see a picture and you like nothing about jt except for that one thing, then it’s a fetish.
My understanding of fetishizing is that it has little to nothing to do with physical characteristics, but is instead determined by stereotyping.
Saying you have a preference, even a strong preference, for physical traits that are more often, or even exclusively, found in a certain group is simply what you’re attracted to. Saying you prefer partners from “X” group because (insert list of stereotypes) is fetishizing.
For one example, consider the language that incels and people looking for “trad” partners use. They talk about preferring certain ethnic groups because they think all women from those groups are submissive, more feminine, adhere to traditional gender roles, etc., that’s fetishizing.
Those kind of fuckers would get a mail order bride just to fit the niche too.
X is an ethnicity? What the fuck is wrong with Elon Musk?
What the fuck is wrong with Elon Musk?
The list would be long ;)
Also a very specific lab-made meme genotype and a line of candles from Bath and Body Works
If the race is a must, then yes. If the race is a preference, then no.
Well I’m Latino so I only date Latinas simply because it’s way easier for me to get along with them due to me and her sharing the same culture, the same language, the same values.
I can’t date white women, black women, Indian women and east Asian because they all have different cultures, speak different languages and have different values than me.
“Can’t”? Lots of people do. Although she was white, I lived with a German girl, in Germany, for two years. I barely spoke German, and she barely spoke English, when we met. And, despite what you might think, there are significant cultural differences between Americans and Germans.
“Can’t” probably isn’t the word you’re looking for. “Don’t want to” is more accurate.
I really want to date east asian girls, but my wife won’t let me :(
I would call that a strong preference. Sounds like you don’t have anything in particular about it other than convenience. I mean people are like that with religion. I only want to date my faith because otherwise there will be to many complications type thing.
As long as both parties have knowledgeable consent, then what does the label really matter? You like what you like(legally speaking). The only people who should feel ashamed of what they’re into are furries. Filthy things…
(I kid, but only just.)
Because we are the wolf we feed, or the monster - if we lean into fetishizing entire races, we justify that behavior and reenforce it, normalizing reducing an immutable trait into a sexual characteristic. Vs thinking “hey maybe I shouldn’t be spending all my time looking at only BBC-worship photos because it fucks up the way I treat black men” etc (to use one that comes up in the gay community a lot).
I am of the mind that it’s not healthy to be ashamed or upset by what turns us on, but that we shouldn’t intentionally try to get problematic with it either, as sex can get compulsive pretty quick. So don’t fetishize races.
I always had a thing for certain traits and features often associated with Asian women (no, not the Hollywood kind of Asian women). It doesn’t mean I 'm looking at Asian women with lust in my eyes nor that those traits are exclusive to ‘Asian women’… whatever that means. I mean, I’m French and there is no such thing as a French woman or man.
For me, it just means that very early on (aka, I was still a little boy) I felt more attracted to those traits than to others and I could find them more frequently associated with ‘Asian women’. Where does this attraction comes from? No idea, it just is.
And in case anyone is wondering, nope my spouse is not Asian and we’ve been doing fine for the 25 years and counting we’ve been together ;)
It is not “natural” to prefer one ethnicity over another. That’s because ethnicity isn’t a material condition that evolution could adapt to in any meaningful way.
Not to say that ethnicity isn’t meaningful as such. Boarders, sovereignty, and money are also abstract constructs that effect great influence over our lives.
