crosspostato da: https://thelemmy.club/post/35937089
Okay, I’m fully aware that people cannot decide for me if I’m cis or trans, but I definitely don’t think this seems “cis” even if I may be in denial. After all, I feel like if I were just a woman, I’d feel like one all or most of the time and it wouldn’t change.
In second or third grade, I really liked tomboy characters like Scout Finch. I had watched the movie based on the book, To Kill a Mockingbird. I identified as a tomboy and didn’t want to wear dresses. However, not only this, but I wanted to hang out with only boys, not grow up to wear makeup, cut my hair short, do boys’ sports, and be mistaken for a little boy. “Tomboy” was what I used because I didn’t understand, but what I really remember wanting was to be a boy.
My favorite characters in media were usually men, such as Uncle Fester, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Truman from The Truman Show, etc.
At first, I thought what everyone else in my family did: I was a straight girl with fictional crushes on men. However, I started to imagine myself as them, try to fit my personality to be like them, and even imagine myself to have a penis. At twelve, it really felt like I had one.
I was also convinced for a part of my life as a child that I actually had a penis, just a really, really small one. I didn’t want my boobs to grow either.
At thirteen, I started identifying as a trans guy called Mikey, only detransitioning due to having a transphobic girlfriend and the impact of our breakup affecting me too much.
Now, I’m questioning again. Some people see me as a feminine man. Others, a masculine woman. I am starting to see myself more as a feminine man.
Did anyone else go through anything similar as trans people? It might mean a lot about my identity to go through this, I think I might be trans.
The only thing you can’t undo is taking hrt. If you decide to call yourself trans for a while, and then later decide it isn’t for you, that’s ok!
Being trans isn’t something you have to earn.
Genderfluid trans guy here, I see a lot of my kid self in this. As a kid, I didn’t feel a specific gender or have the words to express that, but I had feelings. I’ve been told “you’re a girl and/so you must do XYZ” but some days, I wanted to be seen as a boy too. I wanted to wear baggy men’s clothes and cut my hair. Some days, I don’t feel like either gender. After all, I’m just me. And you’re just you.
Also, I’d agree with another commenter I saw that cis people don’t usually question being cis. I won’t label you, though, that’s for you to decide but I’d say you do fit under the trans umbrella
