I’m talking like one person brought in all the money for a decade, then a divorce happens. Some of it makes sense - a house with mortgage, one spouse buys the other out of the house. Which is great, but if one spouse doesn’t have the income to take a loan out to buy the other, does that mean that the spouse who does have the income has the choice to buy out or sell?
Similarly, things like 401ks and pensions I imagine you can’t just take out half the cash in them and give that to their spouse. Or does that have to be a loan for the amounts in those plans?
Is it debt all the way down for both?
If both parties are reasonable and working together you can do a lot to limit the damage. Focus on trying to end up with a fair and useful division instead of dividing each individual thing. It probably won’t all come out even, but if one party is willing to accept less it may make the overall division more valuable to both.
Remember that the partner without an income was probably contributing substantially in non-financial ways. (As an example, look up the cost of cleaning services.)
Consider a division based at least partially on needs instead of an even split. Who will benefit the most from getting the house? Who needs a car? Find solutions that you can both live. In the long run you will come out of it feeling better about yourselves.
I was in the same situation a long time back. We worked together, made a lot of compromises, and both came out of it in reasonable financial shape. It was difficult and sometimes painful, but I have no regrets.
I wish you the best!
This is actually where systems like alimony come from. If only one works, (or one makes significantly more than the other) it can kind of leave the other up the creek without a paddle.
