I made fake adoption papers on my parent’s Apple IIc, printed them, then “weathered” the paper by burning the edges and yellowing them with a Pepsi bath.

I then tried to convince my little sister that we were not related. She was 6, believed that’s what 6 year old papers looked like, and cried a lot.

I was a shitty kid.

A long time ago, I worked in a computer repair shop. An old lady brought in her desktop for malware removal. It was a nicely spec’d machine, and included an Intel Core 2 Quad Q6700.

At the time, I had a Core 2 Duo E6600, I was on a tight budget, and was big into gaming.

“She’ll be fine.” “She doesn’t even know what’s in there now.” “She’s not using it to its full potential…”

I convinced myself it was a victimless crime.

I swapped the processors. :(

I got detention off of a teacher for saying “Hitler the Shitler” or “Hitler is a Shitler” or something suchlike during a lesson, even though several other kids had already said it and didn’t get in trouble.

Technically, the detention was for swearing, though I chose to interpret it as “Miss Teacher loves Hitler and he is her boyfriend”.

I instigated a petty campaign of cartoons, blackboard messages, textbook graffiti and just general rumours that this poor teacher was genuinely a Hitler-loving-Nazi, and had a Hitler shrine in her house. As I was generally honest, well behaved etc, it was readily believed and spread quickly.

As she was relatively unpopular as a teacher, many of the other students joined in, goosestepping past her in the corridor, nazi saluting behind her back etc.

After a few weeks, upon entering the classroom to find a full blackboard chalk cartoon of her and Hitler getting married, she started crying and shouted at us and we all felt awful.

I apologised to her after the lesson, and she actually apologised for unfairly singling me out for punishment “to set an example” and oddly, we actually got on pretty well after that, and the Hitler jokes faded out naturally.

Playing in the yard when I was little, I had sharpened a stick to a point. I saw my little brother running across the yard. In my head, I imagined throwing the “spear” through his legs and tripping him. That would have been enough of a dick move. Instead, I skewered him directly in the ankle. He had to get stitches.

In 7th grade science class, I convinced a classmate the substance we were about to test was cocoa and he should taste it. It was dirt.

I have a million of these because for most of my young life I was a real piece of garbo. I’ve already talked on here once about my ghostbusters thing so I won’t go into that again because it’s in my post history but here are a few choice examples:

Had my lab partner completely convinced marshmallows were a special kind of sap harvested from exotic trees.

Many grievances against my sisters including: Convincing them that milk containers at dairy processing plants contained cows stacked vertically (complete with sound effects while we drove past) for many years, ghost living in the attic (me), and that my father had another family

Developed software for the express purpose of cheating in Runescape and then sold both the software and the rewards won by the software. Not my best moment but not quite as bad as

Bought herbal smoke alternatives off the internet and fumed them with liquor and wormwood and sold it to my high school aged peers as weed.

Older brother used to be stronger than me and always beat me in fights. One time when we were both playing with crafts (cutting paper and gluing stuff) I took the scissors and cut up his hands. Skin sliced like paper. He was bleeding everywhere and my parents were a mix of shock and yelling at me about what made me do that.

I felt kinda bad tbh, but I maintained a straight face and tried to justify it.

Convinced several people in high school that mixing mineral turpentine into their drinks was a good idea.

I was doing it too but still seems pretty messed up to take others down with me.

So, NSFW story time…

!I used to hook up with a dude who precummed (precame?) a lot. He also had really bad tasting jizz. I am also that person that totally loses interest in sex the moment I cum. For at least 10-15 minutes after I get off I have no interest in sex. So whenever I would to over and he would blow me, I would have some excuse why I couldn’t recip. To include discreetly setting fake calls on my phone to ring right after I came. I feel really bad now for using him the way I did. I’d have let him top if he’d wanted to, but he never wanted to, and he never wanted to let me blow him first (which I wouldn’t have wanted to do, but would have powered through probably). I was young, and didn’t really have the nerve to discuss taste and stuff with him. I’m not that douchebag now, but I still feel guilty about it. !<

Convinced my grade 1 friend that the Elbow River in Calgary was named because it was so corrosive, a boys’ elbow dissolved when he tripped and fell in. “It’s also known as ‘The Dissolving River’”

I had really bad panic attacks at some point and I decided the best way to deal with it was to ditch everything in my life and move back in with my parents. It was really shitty for my partner who kept living over while I was basically broken for half a year.

Admittedly though, I was really freaked out because I didn’t know what panic attacks were.

In high school, I was oblivious that one of my coworkers had a crush on me. They went to a different high school and invited me to their prom. I was surprised and said yes without thinking, then proceeded to ghost them until they gave up.

According to my camp counselor, going all in during a game of poker where I knew everyone else at the table were dumbasses who were going to all take the bait for the lulz

It was because it was supposed to be a group bonding activity and my play ended the game when there was still a half hour in the schedule XD

In highschool I keyed a random porsh

I carried a bag of scum down my driveway.