In a recent appearance on Russia’s state-run television, Russian political scientist Sergey Mikheyev suggested that the country’s “empire” should grow to encompass three American states.
“I want the Russian empire with Alaska, Hawaii, California, Finland, and Poland,” he said, as translated by Gerashchenko for the clip he shared. “Although Poland and Finland are so stinky, I’m not sure, to be honest. We’ll clean them.”
Washington and Oregon, drunk on imperial IPA, shouting at no one in particular: “s’what, we’re not good’nough ta join the hic Russian empire? Yer gonna conquer Alaska, skip-a-lip over ush, then take Cali’fornyuh? Well fuck you too, c’mon Bee Cee,* letsh go form our OWN Cascadia empire, with blackjack, and hookers… ‘n’ a whole FUCKTON of hallucinogens”
*They did not notice British Columbia went home over two hours ago