(Content warning, discussions of SA and misogyny, mods I might mention politics a bit but I hope this can be taken outside the context of politics and understood as a discussion of basic human decency)
We all know how awful Reddit was when a user mentioned their gender. Immediate harassment, DMs, etc. It’s probably improved over the years? But still awful.
Until recently, Lemmy was the most progressive and supportive of basic human dignity of communities I had ever followed. I have always known this was a majority male platform, but I have been relatively pleased to see that positive expressions of masculinity have won out.
All of that changed with the recent “bear vs man” debacle. I saw women get shouted down just for expressing their stories of being sexually abused, repeatedly harassed, dogpiled, and brigaded with downvotes. Some of them held their ground, for which I am proud of them, but others I saw driven to delete their entire accounts, presumably not to return.
And I get it. The bear thing is controversial; we can all agree on this. But that should never have resulted in this level of toxicity!
I am hoping by making this post I can kind of bring awareness to this weakness, so that we can learn and grow as a community. We need to hold one another accountable for this, or the gender gap on this site is just going to get worse.
I think it’s a right to take antagonism at face value, but a virtue to step back anyways and turn it into a positive experience. Not that the original man vs bear question was actually antagonistic, but some of the surrounding discussion can be.
Sounds like condoning sexism? The same point can be made without the sexism, I’m pretty sure. Women see it as just hyperbole, but they need to see it as unacceptable. Which means we need to not accept it.
Rape culture means that women who survive SA often have to go through a hellish psychosocial process wherein they must convince cops, judges, juries, friends and family that they were not “asking for it.”
This is not me talking, this is something that has been expressed to me by multiple individuals. That they would rather undergo horrific mutilation by an animal than even risk dealing with that process. It’s not hyperbole.
If it’s not hyperbole, it’s irredeemably stupid. Like “I wonder what electricity tastes like” stupid. Like “drinking bleach” stupid.
I’m sure stupid exists on that level. I hope it’s not the majority of women.
Like I said, it’s your right to not take it. But it’s virtuous to deescalate and continue the productive conversation.
That’s what I’m saying, I don’t think it is. I think it’s more harmful, in the short and long run, to condone such language.
I generally point it out as wrong and then move on to the rest of the argument, if any.
I’m happy to move on if the person realizes their error and admits it.