Ugh, heartache is literally painful. I’m sorry you are going through that.

For me, getting iver someone has been a multi-pronged approach.

1. Accept that I’m going to feel grief for a while…at least a few months. That’s okay and normal. Don’t fight it, don’t get mad at it. Just notice it and ride it out. Your brain has to severe the neural networks that were dedicated to him, while rebuilding new ones. This is a process that takes a while.

2. Start connecting with friends that are healthy. They can be a nice source of validation, connection, and support.

3. Work on a new project to have a focus. This can help in those moments where I’m sitting around ruminating with nothing to do or no desire to do anything. Even if I’m ruminating while doing the project, at least I’ll something to show for it when it’s over.

4. Start a new hobby to define myself apart from the relationship. I’m going to be a new person.

5. When ready, start throwing out all of their stuff. I even get rid of gifts. If it reminds me of then when I look at it, it’s gone.

Things will get easier as you stop thinking about them slowly over the next dew weeks to months. Eventually, they become someone that you used to know with no real meaning other than the lessons you learned from that experience.

Not gonna sugarcoat it – this will suck for a long time. For me it was friends, hookups and time that helped.

Friends let me forget for the time we hung out but also listened and just hugged me when I cried.

Hookups (and I realise this sounds vapid as shit) made me feel like I am still wanted and attractive.

Time made the thought of them sting less.

This will smost likely stick with you, but it’s going to be okay. It’s not going to hurt this badly forever. You will think of it less and less frequently. But you will have that scar. And that’s okay, I think.

Time is unfortunately the best medicine. Just take it one day at a time. Don’t stay in contact with them. Reach out to your friends and try to fill your time spending time with them.

Main thing is to keep yourself distracted. The ruminating will come, but right now you need to heal. I wasn’t able to clearly reflect on my ex and our relationship for easily over a year or so later.

Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. Take care of yourself. Eat well and stay hydrated, do whatever exercise and focus on yourself and your goals. Perhaps travel. Live for you and you will find someone else without looking.

Tryna deal with it right now, going back to the bar where I met my ex

Will update in like 2 hrs

Edit: litterally forgot. Didn’t see him, it was lame anyways

Went on a hike and just sat and looked over a lake for some time. I then realized I was extremely happy that I got to know her, but also that she told what she felt. I also think I got proud of myself, I never thought I would meet some one at all but now I knew it was possible

Treating it like being sick (like a cold) helps me. That way I justify taking it slow. It’s something that will pass and it’s totally normal to feel really bad. It will probably be better soon but I need a lot of rest/self-care.

It’s hard to admit, but I’m not healthy in that regard. I postpone the break-up so that time gives an opportunity to fix things, and when that fails I jump into another relationship right away, and not in a “using people to distract me from my pain” way but in a “falling in love with people who show me empathy and care, and who I imagine are a good fit without giving enough time to consider it thoroughly” way. Currently in the first step, waiting, wishing.

I have no advice. I can only say I am sorry you are grieving.

Edit: Grammar.

Go gym

I played a lot of halo, smoked a lot of weed, lost a tonne of weight.

tbh wasn’t really healthy. the best remedy is getting yourself out there. it’s okay to be sad and reclusive for a bit but dont make it permanent

Definitely don’t do what I do, which is to shut down entirely, pretend it doesn’t bother you, and completely close the door on any future relationships until you’ve gotten so used to being alone that you probably couldn’t allow another person in even if you wanted to. Super healthy stuff! Honestly, being able to express that you’re sad and hurt is good. It hurts and it can feel unbearable, but it means you’re still feeling things. The last time I coped in a healthy way, I wanted to wallow in bed (and I did, some) but I made myself get up and do small things I enjoyed. Nothing big that required a lot of effort, just things like going to get lunch with my mom or taking a walk with a friend. It was distracting enough to ease the pain, and showed that my whole life wasn’t over because of a break up. The only other thing that helped was time.

The healthiest way I’ve ever dealt with heartbreak and grief is by putting physical energy into something. Building stone walkway, planting a garden, working out, etc.

Being able to focus on something else will help you from becoming physically and emotionally overwhelmed. Peace, understanding and equilibrium will come with time, the immediate aftermath is the time to move and do something so you don’t get consumed by your feelings.

It’s always okay to cry. People I never thought would understand have supported me.

Self care, whatever that looks like for you.

It could be treating yourself to a new outfit, spending quality time with a good friend, or more traditional ideas of self care, like healthy meals, exercise, and meditation.

Looking through the stages of grief can be helpful too. Give yourself permission to mourn. And permission to pendulate and use healthy distractions if the feelings get intense.

These are the strategies that work best for me. I also have less healthy coping mechanisms and if that’s your goto, harm reduction can be helpful (weed is less destructive than alcohol for me, for example).

Lemon Italian Ice helps me feel better when I’m upset about something

As others have said, keep yourself busy or distracted. Try and release the stress you feel through exercise. Avoid using food/alcohol/drugs to cope, as they can easily turn into a crutch and then an addiction.

Talk to a friend or therapist about it! It took me over six months before I really started processing my divorce.

Remember that you are an amazing person. Have love and compassion for yourself. Be patient with yourself.

The actual hurt hurt only seems to lessen with time.