I always considered marriage the epitome of feeling connected: you share a life with a partner and maybe even have children. Society at least acts like it is.
I have a coworker in his 40s, conservative and Christian, married to a woman holding a job, he is also employed and has a good job, all things considered and they have a child.
I don’t see this person much but each time he sees me he approaches to basically complain and rant, mostly about democrats and foreigners, getting very emotional to the point of crying.
At first I hated him for spewing so much shit, but now I think I’m starting to pity him: he has a job, is married to a working woman, they have a child, they are homeowners… and he still feels angry and needs to rant to feel good. It’s like he’s angry at everything.
Which takes me to think, maybe there are things men need emotionally that women cannot provide, but I couldn’t write a list.
What are some of these connections men need out of a marriage?
You could probably write entire books and doctoral theses about this right here. In fact I’m sure people have.
I think, fundamentally, men need the same things women need: love, support, a sense of belonging, opportunities for self improvement, on top of all of Maslow’s needs, and more. All things that are often denied to people for various societal and economic reasons. And some men will deny themselves these things because we are lied to about what will make us happy.
More than anything many men feel the need to be in control of all aspects of their life. Control their finances, their property, their spouse. But it’s impossible to be always in control, so there will always be an angst there. Men who have everything they thought they needed to be happy, and still aren’t, may sooner or later look for someone to blame. That makes then vulnerable to divisive rhetoric.
I’ve never been married but I am a man who, frankly, hasn’t ever been very happy in life despite being loved by my family; yes I think a married person can feel very lonely.