I guess Aussies aren’t familiar with “Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime; that’s why I poop on company time”
I lived this daily until I got a bidet, not worth it now
Tomorrow’s news: Amazon sues the Australian Health Department
Nah, they’ll just make life more difficult for any employees who take bathroom breaks, if not find some “clearly unrelated” excuse to outright fire them.
Yeah, but the assholes I have to work with poo there. I can’t deal with that.
Thankfully, I can usually get it all out right after I get up.
Back in the 2000s I used to have an app on my PC where I could enter my salary or hourly wage, hit a button when I went for a poop, hit it again when I got back and it would tell me how much I’d earned on the can.
Wonder if there’s anything like that for phones these days?
If you want to set up a spreadsheet, the formulas are pretty simple:
Salary / 52 = weekly pay (approx, there’s a few extra days in the year but my bi-weekly pay is salary / 26, which actually works out to a slightly higher pay than if they did it by extact days)
Weekly pay / 40 = hourly equivalent (or 37.5 if you want to assume unpaid lunches, which effectively increases your hourly rate)
Hourly equivalent / 60 = minute equivalent
Time in minutes pooping * hourly equivalent = money earned pooping
For hourly pay, just drop that in to the hourly equivalent variable above.
Nice! I’m learning Python right now so I’m going to take this and make a script out of it.
Yeah, that script should only take a few days, most of which spent on creating an ascii pooping animation while it’s waiting for you to return.
Yeah, minus the animation it took me a couple hours. Well worth the time spent!
The boss makes a dollar,
I make a dime,
That’s why I poo on company time
Stolen from reddit:
The boss makes a dollar, I make a dime That was a poem From a simpler time
Now his boss makes 1000 While I make a cent And he’s got employees That can’t make the rent
When the CEO makes a million And we don’t make jack That’s when we riot To take it all back
Now Mr investor If this seems extreme I have to remind you It beats guillotines
I poo almost daily at work. It’s almost impossible to hold it in for 8:30 continuous hours.
If someone tells me off for it, they will find out how much my productivity drops when I have to focus on holding the shit instead of doing my work.
Poo in work. Not only is it a nice break, but it also is more productive than not pooing. Win-win for everyone.
