By relationships, I mean both platonic and romantic. I’m just doing a bit of soul searching and reflecting on things I’ve done in the past.

For example, I used to get a weird sense of satisfaction by rejecting girls that showed interest in dating me, even though deep down I wanted a relationship and wanted to give them a chance. Not in a cruel way, just in a “sorry I’m not looking for a relationship right now” kind of way.

I also used to sabotage friendships that were forming before I got too close to the person. Sometimes I ghosted people, acted cold around them, or just didn’t go out socially with them. The result was exactly what you’d expect - people just stopped speaking to me and didn’t make an effort anymore, just as I hadn’t with them.

I’ve hurt people that cared about me and can’t figure out whether it’s fear of getting close, fear of showing my vulnerabilities, or something else entirely.

  • BilboBargains@lemmy.world
    8·
    2 months ago

    Fear of rejection can manifest in this way. We can’t be rejected if we sabotage the relationship before the person finds out who we really are. It’s a sign of low self esteem and depression.

  • 200ok@lemmy.world
    4·
    2 months ago

    There are a lot of potential reasons, and the fact that you’re curious is commendable.

    While there’s no way for a stranger on the Internet to know, anecdotally I tend to push people away for a variety of reasons… maybe you’ll relate to some of them:

    • I really enjoy being alone

    • Caring about other people is a lot of work

    • If someone gets to know all of my quirks, they might reject me

    • I don’t like feeling vulnerable

    • I’m worried I’ll be jealous

    I’m sure there are other reasons, but that’s triggered my self-loathing enough for one night.

  • unemployedclaquer@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    31·
    2 months ago

    it’s not a fear of success

    Nor of closeness

    But of going through life

    Feeling known

    A little song in case you want to feel okay with the way you are distant. Clem Snide “I love the unknown”, it’s on the web

  • Fubarberry@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    2·
    2 months ago

    I think some people sabotage relationships for the same reason they throw video games. They have fears/suspicions that it’s going to not work out, and rather than be a victim they want to have some control over the outcome. A loss or failed relationship doesn’t hurt as bad if they caused it to end the way it did.

    However in your case, it sounds more like a fear of something different. It’s a lot easier to keep things like they are, when a relationship gets too serious or life impacting it can be easy to be scared of the change, and instead subconsciously decide you want to keep things like they are.