well. to my everlasting shame it was the very website this post features. I got hooked in when it was still part of reddit. I was an angry young adult coming out of a terrible home situation and their collective “righteous fury” was appealing. after the move to a separate website, it just got worse and worse. hexbear, formally known as chapochat, had destructive drama outburtsts every single week right from the start.
I think it started with thousands of active users and rapidly dwindled down to only a few hundred because of how hostile and rigid it was. I was one of the few who stuck around because my warped sense of the world didn’t reveal how bad it was yet. I thought about quitting during many of these ridiculous “struggle sessions” as they called them. but something kept me hooked.
when the current ukraine-russia war started, the cracks were widening. a subsection of hexbear started to dominate. they were more openly bloodthirsty. they stopped pretending to care about the common people, which is what I cared about, and were cheering on the killing of civilians and conscripted soldiers. they posted videos of ukrainians getting shot and blown up accompanied with the site’s absurd emojis and weird in joke phrases. they were also just extremely hostile to anyone who wasn’t lockstep with their view. they would use vicious insults and accusations against naysayers and the mods would almost always rule on their side.
I rarely ever participated in the arguments up to that point because I didn’t see a reason to, but I got in fights with people about this. they were treating war like a football game and it really rubbed me the wrong way. but then that subsection of the site started to contain themselves mostly to the “news megathread” which I could easily ignore.
I became less and less interested in hexbear as time went on. I think other people were noticing these disturbing trends too because the number of active users dwindled down to around 150-200. the remaining users were the worst of the worst. so fucking mean and nasty, in that abusive family type of way. they proclaim themselves to be friendly, proclaim hexbear to be a welcoming and caring community, tightly knit, when behind the curtain they are horrible to each other. of course I had only ever known that type of life so I didn’t see it for what it was and continued to use the site.
I finally had a breakthrough internally and got the courage to go to therapy and try to reckon with the damage my upbringing did to me. and once that started to work, hexbear’s rose tint rapidly faded.
now I look back on my several years as a hexbear user with so much embarrassment. I can’t believe how much hatred was in my heart. I try to forgive myself and remember that I was young and broken and taken advantage of by malicious people online but I was old enough to know better. once in a while I’ll check hexbear out just to remind myself of how much I’ve grown and improved. I see people in there who claim to be in their 30s and 40s and i feel disgust at how they are manipulating young adults and even kids as we see here. I feel sad for them too. I don’t think anyone that old would be part of such a group if they didn’t have a seriously damaged worldview.
wow. sorry to dump on you. just seeing someone so young get roped into hexbear brought up a lot of feelings.
The moderators have stated that this isn’t the right community for community-on-community drama.
There is no drama. This is a useful account of escaping extremism.
The last time there was a specifically anti-Hexbear thread, the moderator locked the post and left the explanation I linked, just as a assume an anti sh.itjust.works or anti lemmy.world or anti lemmy.ml post would be here.
Oh, you’re from hexbear.
This is my original account, I do have a Hexbear alt as well, yes. If I was trying to hide that, I would use a different username. That doesn’t mean that this thread isn’t violating community rules.
You are correct. This post probably belongs more on !meanwhileongrad@sh.itjust.works
To be fair, the original comment seems to come from there anyways, it just looks like OP is trying to signal-boost and stir up drama.
I didn’t even notice, seems like it went full circle
Kind of. There was the thread on hexbear, then the thread on Meanwhileongrad (where the comment for this thread originated), and now this thread, which IMO doesn’t belong here at all. Disregarding my personal feelings about meanwhileongrad, the subject of this thread should stay there and doesn’t have a place here if we are following the rules of each community honestly.
TBH I think you’re concern trolling, because you don’t like the topic. Instead of drama or trying to prevent discussion, what are some interesting things about the comment? I think this part is very true for many cults:
Poor mental health is responsible for a lot of people falling down nasty internet rabbit holes. We should work to improve that situation.
This is about an individual growing and shedding extremism, but now you’ve made the thread about community vs community
I get your point. And, while I don’t agree that this constitutes drama, I can definitely see how it can be read that way.
For me, the reason it isn’t drama is the personal perspective about how and why they changed as a person, rather than bashing hexbear. While there’s definitely some of the “hexbear bad” in the comment, it’s secondary to the story of a person finding a flaw in themself, addressing it, then changing it, and that change leading to a changing perspective. It isn’t about them finding flaws in the instance and complaining about it.
Btw, I’m in the “hexbear is more trouble than its worth” camp, so take that bias into account. But I don’t think it applies here. The post could be about someone discovering something about themselves that led them to join hexbear, and it would still qualify as a “best of” imo. It’s the depth of the story that’s the key factor, not the opinion itself.
But, again, I get where you’re coming from. It could be read as just another complaint.
To be clear, this is a comment on a Hexbear/Lemmygrad/Lemmy.ml bashing focused community, it’s a drama community already. Regardless of your individual problems with Hexbear, the last time a thread like this showed up the Moderator locked it. It just looks to me like OP is trying to signal-boost drama that already has a better community for it, when the Moderator has said this community isn’t for any such bashing purposes but instead taking an affirmative, positive approach to Lemmy.