This one is even better than Tolkien’s response to a German publisher in 1938, asking for proof of his ancestry, which may or may not have been sent, but tellingly there was no official translation of The Hobbit into German until 1957.
Thank you for your letter. I regret that I am not clear as to what you intend by arisch. I am not of Aryan extraction: that is Indo-Iranian; as far as I am aware none of my ancestors spoke Hindustani, Persian, Gypsy, or any related dialects. But if I am to understand that you are enquiring whether I am of Jewish origin, I can only reply that I regret that I appear to have no ancestors of that gifted people. My great-great-grandfather came to England in the eighteenth century from Germany: the main part of my descent is therefore purely English, and I am an English subject—which should be sufficient. I have been accustomed, nonetheless, to regard my German name with pride, and continued to do so throughout the period of the late regrettable war, in which I served in the English army. I cannot, however, forbear to comment that if impertinent and irrelevant inquiries of this sort are to become the rule in matters of literature, then the time is not far distant when a German name will no longer be a source of pride.
Your enquiry is doubtless made in order to comply with the laws of your own country, but that this should be held to apply to the subjects of another state would be improper, even if it had (as it has not) any bearing whatsoever on the merits of my work or its sustainability for publication, of which you appear to have satisfied yourselves without reference to my Abstammung.
Don’t fuck with posh and emotionally repressed Oxbridge motherfuckers when they realize they are finally on the right side of history. 🤣
I loved it when I first read it and this is my favorite part:
But if I am to understand that you are enquiring whether I am of Jewish origin, I can only reply that I regret that I appear to have no ancestors of that gifted people.
In the link it has his letter to his British publisher, where he was even more blunt. Maybe the first time that “I have _______ friends” has actually rung true.
Personally, I should be inclined to refuse to give any Bestätigung (although it happens that I can), and let a German translation go hang. In any case I should object strongly to any such declaration appearing in print. I do not regard the (probable) absence of all Jewish blood as necessarily honourable; and I have many Jewish friends, and should regret giving any colour to the notion that I subscribed to the wholly pernicious and unscientific race-doctrine.
Telling something or someone to go hang was a very strong insult in those days. Even worse than saying go fuck yourself. Because hanging was how people were executed, meaning they are the most unwanted people in society…
Russell is one of the greats. But if you’re looking for a terse knockdown there’s always this classic from author Max Reger:
I am in the smallest room of the house. I have your review in front of me. Soon it will be behind me.
Pure poetry
Wouah… Juste… Wouah oO
“No offense, but ew”
- Bertrand Russell
"After careful consideration, fuck the fuck off.
Yours sincerely,
Fuck you."
If you want to understand how to crush your foes with English, read Russell.
It’s dated, and ancient compared to the shit we spew, but it soo pure and clear (when you get the ear for it).
I am not a scholar, I can’t analyse prose or poetry, but his writing is cleansing and lights up the brain - especially if you have a fetish for reasonableness.
It’s dated, and ancient compared to the shit we spew, but it soo pure and clear (when you get the ear for it).
I am not a scholar, I can’t analyse prose or poetry, but his writing is cleansing and lights up the brain - especially if you have a fetish for reasonableness.
I know exactly what you mean and I’ve never quite had the words to describe this type of writing. It’s definitely old fashioned to our eyes, but it’s so dense with meaning. I felt the same reading some of the landmark SCOTUS decisions of the Warren court during the civil rights era.
With all due respect, you are the antithesis of all that I consider human. With all due respect.
By the way, if anyone else was curious, dude was a “Sir” due to an inherited title, not knighted for individual actions.
Russell is the GOAT. If he was taught in schools, we would be living in paradise.
Dear Sir,
Thank you for your letter and for your enclosed pizza menu suggestions. I have given some thought to our recent correspondence about topping choices. It is always difficult to decide on how to respond to people whose culinary ethos is so alien and, in fact, repellent to one’s own. It is not that I take exception to the general points made by you about pizza toppings, but that every ounce of my energy has been devoted to an active opposition to cruel fruit placement, compulsive sweetness, and the sadistic persecution of traditional savory flavors which has characterised the philosophy and practice of pineapple-on-pizza advocacy.
I feel obliged to say that the gastronomic universes we inhabit are so distinct, and in deepest ways opposed, that nothing fruitful or sincere could ever emerge from a shared pizza between us.
I should like you to understand the intensity of this conviction on my part. It is not out of any attempt to be rude that I say this but because of all that I value in Italian culinary experience and pizza-making achievement.
Yours sincerely,
What are the chances I had just sent something similar to someone advocating for pineapple on pizza?
Jokes aside - dude was pretty badass:
Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 3rd Earl Russell, OM, FRS (18 May 1872 – 2 February 1970) was a British philosopher, logician, mathematician, and public intellectual. He had influence on mathematics, logic, set theory, and various areas of analytic philosophy.
👑
Of course nothing fruitful could ever emerge from your pizza, you reject those flavours!
This must be John Oliver’s uncle or grandfather or something
The recipient better be fireproof to avoid getting burned by such vehemence.
Mosley was not impervious to fire.
Regrettably, the British people made the unforgivable mistake of not proving it BEFORE he died peacefully in his sleep aged 84.
It at the time most researched was focused on how resistant to bricks he was. Not very was the ultimate conclusion.
All that and the Oxford Comma. Love it
Wait a second, sir? Fascist? One moment while I check wikipedia…
Nevermind, it turns out he just inherited the title, not as bad as being knighted
Always with the walls of text these people… Just decline and be done with it! Nobody trying to grade your thesis over here ffs.
“No thank you”
Would be better here. All relevant information in the letter would be implied.
If you’re going to show off writing skills, actually say something useful
“I have made this longer than usual because I have not had time to make it shorter.” - Blaise Pascal (Probably)
He had time to write a whole Paige, but not to… not do that?
It is a paradox, but the implication is that bottling up your feelings consumes more of your time then taking the time to properly vent them.
That’s quite a bit of emotion for a simple difference in ideology
I’m guessing the point wasn’t to express mere disinterest, but active resentment of the opposing viewpoint: “Not only have I no desire to converse with you, which may be taken as a hesitation to engage with your views, but I believe such a conversation to be utterly worthless because I despise your entire world view” with a dash of “You’re a bigot and I want nothing to do with your kind.”
“No thank you” just doesn’t drive that home.
Where does the motivation to drive that home come from, isn’t this just a difference in opinion?
“I hate bigotry” is quite a strong opinion
Yea, I’d expect they’d do something more productive against it then
That doesn’t preclude taking a moment to write such a letter.
If anything, it serves to challenge the pretense of dignified and harmless “opinions” that fascists like to leverage. I’d argue that is much more productive than the way discourse has occasionally evaded calling out the cruel, sadistic, violent, bigoted assholes and enemies of human progress and dignity as just that.
As Russel notes, there is no reasonable discussion to be had with someone so openly endorsing violence beyond reason, whose entire worldview is so diametrically opposed that there is no common ground to found a discussion on in the first place.
Giving fascists the “Eh, just opinions” benefit normalises their hateful views as permissible. For anyone valuing freedom, tolerance, progress and justice, opposing these rhetorics is not just sensible, but even crucial to combat the spread of this ideological cancer.
There can be no peaceful disagreement with an ideology that, given the chance, will suppress all disagreement violently.
This isn’t challenging or achieving anything though, it’s just a long form “no”
