I had a friend who I was close with for many years, she always had high aspirations, talked to me almost daily about all of the things she wanted to do. Things were like having large career aspirations, moving to a big city, seeing the world, traveling.
Then she got married, and bought a house 15 minutes from her parents, and had 3 kids, all within 5 years. Her career is a standard midwest white woman job and her travel consists of visiting family one state over and going to Disney World once every 5 years or so. We drifted apart, I did end up moving to a big city, I chose a career and travel over having kids, but I think about her every once in a while.
Were those choices hers? Were they compromises? Did society pressure her into a certain life, or did she truly want to change her life for it? Were the things she talked about just dreams, or did she not believe she could accomplish them. I don’t feel pity or anger, but I do wonder why she made the choices she did. I guess I hope she’s happy and that she lives her life without regrets. Everyone who chooses that life says adamantly they never regretted it, but do they really mean it? No regrets at all?
I never really wanted kids. But me and a friend had too much to drink one night and I was a dad at 22. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I’m 30 and have 3.
People tend to focus on what you give up and not what you gain. Parenting presents a huge amount of moments and activities and feelings that you would never get otherwise.
Both paths are good. Just different.
I wouldn’t trade the first time my daughter said I love you for anything in the world. Or even the first time she smiled. You could offer me any amount of money or holidays and I wouldn’t go back and miss that.
I have a good support network so I can still go out when I want to. I could go on holidays without them if I wanted to. I could buy them less stuff and myself more. Nothing is stopping me.
I had a friend who I was close with for many years, she always had high aspirations, talked to me almost daily about all of the things she wanted to do. Things were like having large career aspirations, moving to a big city, seeing the world, traveling.
Then she got married, and bought a house 15 minutes from her parents, and had 3 kids, all within 5 years. Her career is a standard midwest white woman job and her travel consists of visiting family one state over and going to Disney World once every 5 years or so. We drifted apart, I did end up moving to a big city, I chose a career and travel over having kids, but I think about her every once in a while.
Were those choices hers? Were they compromises? Did society pressure her into a certain life, or did she truly want to change her life for it? Were the things she talked about just dreams, or did she not believe she could accomplish them. I don’t feel pity or anger, but I do wonder why she made the choices she did. I guess I hope she’s happy and that she lives her life without regrets. Everyone who chooses that life says adamantly they never regretted it, but do they really mean it? No regrets at all?
100% they do mean it.
I never really wanted kids. But me and a friend had too much to drink one night and I was a dad at 22. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I’m 30 and have 3.
People tend to focus on what you give up and not what you gain. Parenting presents a huge amount of moments and activities and feelings that you would never get otherwise.
Both paths are good. Just different.
I wouldn’t trade the first time my daughter said I love you for anything in the world. Or even the first time she smiled. You could offer me any amount of money or holidays and I wouldn’t go back and miss that.
I have a good support network so I can still go out when I want to. I could go on holidays without them if I wanted to. I could buy them less stuff and myself more. Nothing is stopping me.
But I wouldn’t trade a moment of it.