“So just do it” is a glaring one for me.
Simply because it is disregarding someone else’s thought processes and how their mind works. Where simply ‘just do it’ is not as easily and readily accomplished. This kind of advice is always uttered when one person is going on about how they’re tired of something and want to do something else. So this gets mentioned.
It could be a lot of reasons as to why, even if it is down to the obvious reasons. My valid reason a lot of the time is that I just don’t have the energy or will to just magically get myself to do something.
“Choose to be happy” This is advice I’ve heard from people on Reddit who have overcome their depression and say it’s a choice. No, Happy, it is not.
There’s a major push coming to ban depression meds. I had long, drawn-out conversations with people who genuinely think exercise will fix things.
Yeah, for people without clinical depression, maybe.
I try really hard to not downplay the environmental effects that played into my depression journey when I give advice for this exact reason. You’re right, it’s not easy to fundamentally change the way you think to such a degree that your hormones change. It’s possible though. But it’s probably gonna need a disruption in your environment that you may or may not be able to facilitate. I got lucky, and my disruption happened to me so my journey was helped a lot
I loved the thanksimcured subreddit because they just mock this kind of thing.
Depression is a recurring thing, it comes back at anytime and it will level you when it does. What people who ever claim to have “defeated” depression or “overcome it” are simply confusing depression with general sadness. General sadness can easily be overcome because it isn’t as much of a weight on you as depression is.
But then you say something like that and some asshole comes right up to you saying shit like “now you’re just gatekeeping what a mental illness is!”.
Fucking Reddit dumbasses are a piece of work.
Well, no, there are clinical forms of depression, which are reoccurring forms, and then there’s bouts of depression, which generally are caused by a specific event or change. Those types usually have fixes, but they’re worse than “general sadness”.
“Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.”
That “reason” could be shitty decisions, power beyond your control, or sheer bad luck. But we all know it’s just thinly-veiled religious indoctrination.
It also tries to remove accountability from people who really do not care to pay attention to what they’re doing. They’ll be in shit and they’ll think “ahh this is what God might have had planned for me” and instead of trying to fight to survive, they just succumb to it with that belief.
Religion is just bad to believe in.
Me - “Doctor, it hurts when I do X.” X is a perfectly normal activity like walking, raising arm over head, etc
Doctor - “Then maybe you shouldn’t do X?”
S/He’s right though?
“S/He’s” takes 8 button presses to type on my keyboard. “They’re” takes 7.
Why did you decide not to use the formal term for a person of unknown gender in the third person? Why did you put in the extra effort to be less formal?
Yes, obviously I should not have walked as that was causing pain in my hip, like something scraping…
IDK, I think “just do it” is actually pretty reasonable advice, for the most part.
Obviously, it depends — everything depends — but I feel like it applies to many aspects of life.
Sometimes you’re scared or anxious about something needlessly, and it really is best to just go for it and figure it out later, no matter how much your brain tells you it’s terrible and not worth it.
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All advice is good advice in a certain situation. “Trust your gut”/“be skeptical”, “be careful”/“go for it!” all of these can be good or terrible advice for different people at different times.
The problem with “just do it” is it’s often literally the first thing that everyone tries. If I want to do my homework or cook a healthy meal, it’d be pretty weird if I started off by trying to not do it. So, often when it’s given as advice it feels very insulting, because it feels like your being literally told “have you considered doing the thing your trying to do?”
It can be shorthand for much better advice - “don’t think about the consequences or costs, just focus on this moment and the first step you need to take” or whatever, but when delivered to someone who is literally struggling to do something it often adds nothing. “be careful” is good advice if someone’s carelessly approaching a dangerous, delicate task, but is shitty, vacuous advice if someone is already being very careful. So telling someone to “just do it” suggests you think that they weren’t previously attempting to do it, and that can give offense.
I mean, sure, but isn’t that literally everything? Hugging someone is nice unless they don’t want to hug. Telling someone “don’t think about the consequences or costs, just focus on this moment and the first step you need to take” is good advice unless they need to focus on the consequences or costs, or they aren’t taking the first step, or… or… or… ad eternum.
If your argument is that “just do it” is bad advice, then I flatly disagree. However, that doesn’t seem to be the case; rather, it seems you’re saying that “just do it” is advice that should be administered carefully and properly. While a fair assessment, that is also completely counter-productive as a point of discussion because I already said “just do it”'s efficacy is dependent on circumstance while describing a specific situation wherein it could be rightfully applied!!! DAMN IT!!
Well, one thing actually:
The problem with “just do it” is it’s often literally the first thing that everyone tries.
Is it? It very much isn’t for me, for example. I usually think about what I’m going to do before I do it — I think a lot… —, and it’s not uncommon that I get in my head about this and that, when I should just do it. For people like me, and I know I’m not alone in this, “just do it” is a great piece of advice that I should listen to way more than I usually do. No, it’s not perfect; Yes, it can fall flat. Still, it’s useful.
it’d be pretty weird if I started off by trying to not do it.
Yes, but would it be that weird to be stuck in a loop of self-doubt while wanting to do it, which keeps you from actually doing it?
In the spirit of “just do it,” and at risk to my goal of being a positive presence online, I’d like to point out that you used “your” several times when you should’ve used “you’re.” Now, I know you probably don’t care and are thinking that it’s a little rude that I’m pointing it out, but just in case you do care, I’d forward you here: https://www.merriam-webster.com/grammar/your-vs-youre-how-to-use-them-correctly
I mean no offense. I’m not perfect and I like when people point out the small things I could improve so… There.
“Just be yourself” without clarification.
There’s something to it, but too often it is interpreted as “no need for introspection or improvement”
“It is what it is”
That’s not advice.
My old boss used to say: “there is never a good time. Do it anyway”
This was often about taking your holidays, visiting your parents, testing a theory, building a PoC, etc. Analysis paralysis kills success.
I love this advice, and I like to combine it with one other
“Take one more step”
It’s similar to “give 110%” but I don’t want you to burn out. Give me 80%, and then give me just one more step. Expand your capabilities in a comfortable range.
For this particular scenario: take it one more step and help them make the decision. I’m not gonna influence your decision, if I can avoid it. But I’ll be your rubber ducky and I’ll let you know when you need to pause for a second and gather your thoughts to find the solution.
For me as someone with ADHD and Autism i could list so many. But the most useless defenetly are:
“Just use a planner”
“You can learn to reign it in, others have learned to do so too!”
“Dont throw such a fit over something that small! I only changed your routine/moved around your entire order”
“You just need to focus more!”
“Pull yourself up by the bootstraps!”
In the replies there willl be a lot of examples of advice that actually does work forna lot of people, but not everyone. They are valid examples of bad advice at the personal level because it doesn’t work for them, but the advice itself is not bad advice in general. A lot of people do hold themselves back by not trying or do wallow in self pity (not clinically depressed) and most people can overcome those thing by just doing something, but not everyone can.
Like I have ADHD and I have tried enough memory tricks and failed at them to know adding more things to remember is counter prodictive for me, and that scheduling tasks only works up to a certain number of tasks in a time frame before being overwhelmed.
But there is one piece of advice that is actually the opposite of what the saying literally means and where the phrase came from. “Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps” was an example of doing something that is literally impossible. It was used as an example of how impossible the thing that was being asked of people was. Now it is twisted to mean that success is possible if you try hard enough, which is the opposite of what it means. It is literally the worst advice because it is saying "do the literal impossible thing’. .
Go to bed early so you can get a good night’s sleep. I have heard this so many times, and I’m convinced it was the cause of many sleepless nights. It’s probably great advice for people with a normal circadian rhythm, but it’s useless for those with a non-standard chronotype. That shit is baked into your DNA, and medicine currently has no idea how to change it. Especially since it’s so much easier just to blame the night owl.
Lord, how I couldn’t agree more. There are so many conflicting studies about how humans sleep because there’s a fuckin lot of us and we each sleep a bit different. I, for example, can take a 30 minute nap and hit one REM cycle and then go at 100% for 4 hours. My partner needs to hit at least 3 REM cycles across 9 hours in order to feel okay for even one second of their day.
Tell someone “don’t get upset” and they’re gonna lose their shit
Tell them “don’t panic” and they’ll listen most of the time.
Don’t get mad! It doesn’t help anything.
Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!
“You got this!” What kind of magic spell do you think that fucking phrase is?? That is one of the stupidest, low self esteem phrases in the last 50 years.
It’s those times where I shorten my response to something like “thanks I’ll keep that in mind” or “I appreciate you trying to help” and then brush it off/not follow that advice, because it usually comes from people who at least sort of care but have no idea what to say or how to fix the situation.
If someone genuinely wants to invest in helping your situation they’ll ask and be open. For me most of the time my answer is “you being there is enough” and when I tell them I don’t expect them to have answers to my problems they relax too.
If it’s randos trying to be argumentative or dismissive then they can go sit naked on a cactus. /tangent
TL;DR: You’re right, but it’s an onslaught and you deserve peace of mind. You aren’t obligated to defend yourself to them.
