Because I don’t, and pretending to feels dishonest. I’ll listen if they want to talk about it, but I’m not going to act interested, and I certainly won’t ask about it on my own. What I’m trying to figure out is whether people actually care, or if they’re just playing a social game that I’m simply not interested in.
I’m probably on the autistic spectrum, which likely explains this to some extent. But that’s not an excuse - being an asshole is perfectly compatible with autism, so before dunking on me, please realise I probably agree with your criticism.
Do you consider yourself these people’s friend?
If you’re completely disinterested in their milestones, that sounds more like an acquaintance.But to your question, yes. I actually care about these things for acquaintances and random people too. There are limits to how much I care but it’s not zero.
Im generally happy when good things happen to my friends. What you learn in the long run is to keep those things to your self. When we go on vacation only my close family knows. Any big steps in life are better taken alone and then celebrated after.
My friend? I care. Randos? Fuck no.
I do care. It makes them happy, I want them to be happy, so transitively, yes.
For most people, yes.
For my best friend, no. The reason is that he and his wife really wanted a kid, and they got everything together and had one. He is the happiest new father I’ve ever seen.
My wife and I don’t want kids, and have taken permanent action to make sure we don’t. In part, this is because we understand the responsibility that would be carried for years. We have other things we want to do with our lives. So for someone else to have full knowledge of that responsibility and embrace it gets respect from me.
Yes, I do. Because I care about my friends. I’m eager to share in their excitement over their vacation or adventure. As far as their kids go, I don’t really care about a baby, but I do care about their toddlers on up. It’s really neat watching another sentient creature develop, who is based off of someone you know and love, and to see what sort of person they turn into.
I like seeing my friends happy. I like talking about my cats.
I care. Sometimes it’s a bit boring but I love my friends and sometimes put a little work in to keep the connection.
I find it interesting to hear about, was just talking to a somewhat stranger about his holiday today.
I’m another maybe-autist. I don’t care at all about babies or whatever, but a vacation might be interesting. Not if their vacation was just to a resort though.
Yes I do care.
I don’t care about literally everything. But I do about most of it and love seeing it.
Sometimes yes, I just do the minimal required that shows I care. But I often times do not care because I don’t need the subtle reminder that their lives are going along better than mine. My life is in micromanagement hell, where I’m just biding time until I die pretty much. I barely enjoy things and whatnot. So if I were to fully celebrate milestones friends are celebrating to me it’d be like a knock against my own life.
So I don’t but I also don’t make it known to them out of respect. If they had to ask for the honest truth about how much I care, then it’s on them for asking because I’d give them that truth.
I think your angle is a bit reductive.
Conversations or interactions generally don’t go from 0 to how-dare-you-not-care-about-my-baby instantaneously.
For example, in a cafe, order coffee, I’ve never met the barista before, they’re not going to flop out baby photos and grill me about how much I don’t care about their kidlet. They might make casual conversation, how are you, great day, bit tired, newborn up all night, oh I have a newborn too, she’s been unwell, yeah ours had HFMD last week, oh that’s tough, is she better now, was the fever bad, and so on and so forth. What I’m saying is, it’s through the too and fro that you guage how interested someone is in the things that are important to you.
If my sister had a child then she would probably just expect me to care about her new baby because she’s family and we see each other every week and the new baby is going to be part of my life for the rest of my life.
Another thing that happens is… people just get excited about things and that’s ok too. I became a new father almost a year ago. To me, it’s the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. Of course I understand that it’s not very amazing to anyone else, but for those first few weeks of course I was excited about it. It would be fine if I were to “overshare” with my barista, but it would also be fine if they were to tell me to keep my baby photos to myself.
I was thinking about this for a while.
I’m very short and direct with people. I’ve gotten more polite, but like if someone starts to ramble, I politely redirect them back to the focus and to stick to time. It’s great at work! Every non-essential thing eats into my work hours.
But I noticed I was doing it with friends too. and I realized how selfish I was becoming to them. Like, I’d cut them off to bring up something I was interested in. And they’d politely listen.
Over the year, I’ve gotten better at recognizing that fair exchange of time with friends. They can talk about babies, or life. And I can talk about which Pokemon is acceptable to eat.
I used to not care.
Now after a few years in a men’s group, I actually care.
I’m a lot happier and mentally healthy than I was before too.
Honestly this is how I met my wife.
I used to get all preachy about how stupid Star Signs were and how dumb it was to watch heroine movies. But then, I was just tired of feeling so angry. I just started listening and approaching them from an understanding perspective.
My wife told me that was the only person who ever made her feel heard. and I’m also a lot happier!
where did you find a men’s group? I live in a rural area of the US so most men I meet are proudl ignorant/hateful trump fanatics
I do care. being part of my friends lives gives me meaning.
