Was banned from !egg_irl@lemmy.blahaj.zone for calling out a Mod’s misuse of the Egg prime directive to criticize trans people for helping out trans women in denial of their trans-ness. They’re denying the validity of signs of being transgender, what the actual fuck, this shit is not okay. Then after banning me that dipshit locks the post so no one else can reply on it. How is this not power-tripping?
Modlog history for my account: https://discuss.online/modlog?userId=11993717
Gods damn, YDI big time.
You were being a complete asshole. Shit, I’d have banned you permanently, not just temporary. Way over the line of civility.
Couldn’t agree more, this shit is toxic as fuck. Really don’t get how they’re saying the mod is abusive, that mod was probably too nice.
I’m gonna go against the grain here and say that YDI retroactively for posting such a low-resolution screenshot. -_-
But also y’all, isn’t it kinda weird to downvote YDI posts? It’s not like they don’t belong in this community.
I keep telling people that
As a trans woman who wears jeans and Ts and feels more at home in a machine shop than a stitch and bitch (although stitch and bitches rock) the narrative that feminine coded behaviour is a necessary and/or sufficient condition for being a trans woman is deeply damaging medicalised bullshit.
Don’t push people to perform cisness or transness, just let them discover themselves.
I’m not saying that people need to perform in ways to be trans. I myself am like that I don’t act or dress particularly feminine (been denied official care for that as well) I am saying though that for many people these are signs and the mod is denying the validity of signs that people are trans with their statements while hiding behind the egg prime directive.
YDI, your behavior is incredibly hostile and uncalled for. Also WTF? Claiming people can’t play the girl characters and have long hair while still being cis? What the hell, that sounds so dumb and outdated, people can like whatever the fuck they want without it having a deeper meaning. Who the Fuck do you think you are to try and argue otherwise?
Also it’s a two day ban, take the mod’s advice and cool your head, instead of starting more shit.
Hey wait a minute, you’re that dipshit who misgendered someone and said that Neopronouns aren’t valid. You have zero credibility in trans spaces and you should be banned from all of them, go fuck yourself you bigoted piece of shit.
You sound like an alt of @dragonfucker@lemmy.nz. Just further reinforces my opinion that you deserve it that much more.
Best to come with receipts when you say stuff like that about someone.
Here’s a public comment of this asshole denying the validity of nounself pronouns:
https://discuss.online/post/13103441/11998755
Throughout that thread they refused to use the correct neopronouns of that person (drag/dragself) and constantly criticized drag for it.
Oh, the dragon thing made quite a stir.
What @Draconic_NEO@lemmy.dbzer0.com said is unacceptable and invalidating to many trans people, he should feel ashamed of himself and be banned from trans spaces for it.
YDI, and it’s a 2 day ban, chill out.
‘Cis boys can’t play as girl characters or have long hair or dress feminine’ is a gender stereotype. There’s no reason cis boys can’t do that. Or trans boys for that matter.
You mention in your comment that you could’ve transitioned earlier if someone just forced you to stop being in denial, but the thing is everyone isn’t you with the exact same needs as you had. There are feminine men out there who don’t need to be told that actually, they’re women and lying to themselves. Some of them may or may not wind up deciding to transition in some way. But that is something for them to decide, not for you to force on them because you have distressing feelings about when you started your own transition.
Everyone needs support to explore their gender and gender expression, no matter what it is. If you’d had that you would have likely accepted your gender and transitioned sooner. It sucks that you didn’t have it (I didn’t either), but we can’t change that now. All you can do is try to make that environment for other people, and telling them that their gender must be this because of x, y, z reason isn’t a supportive environment for exploring gender.
You mention in your comment that you could’ve transitioned earlier if someone just forced you to stop being in denial, but the thing is everyone isn’t you with the exact same needs as you had. There are feminine men out there who don’t need to be told that actually, they’re women and lying to themselves. Some of them may or may not wind up deciding to transition in some way. But that is something for them to decide, not for you to force on them because you have distressing feelings about when you started your own transition.
For many people these behaviors are not something normal cis people would do, they think it’s normal something that every cis person does, even though it isn’t. I’m not saying to force anything onto them, I’m saying tell them about being trans, that it’s not exactly normal for people to do this stuff, they may think it is but come on, how many normal cis guys do you know who dress as, play as, and act like girls? I thought I knew some, but they ended up not being cis.
Everyone needs support to explore their gender and gender expression, no matter what it is. If you’d had that you would have likely accepted your gender and transitioned sooner. It sucks that you didn’t have it (I didn’t either), but we can’t change that now. All you can do is try to make that environment for other people, and telling them that their gender must be this because of x, y, z reason isn’t a supportive environment for exploring gender.
You don’t know the younger version of me, she was very stubborn and felt like she was a boy and it was totally normal to want to be a girl sometimes. I was stupid and arrogant and did not want to be trans, but being trans isn’t something you can choose, can’t just stop being trans, and I really paid for it later due to my much later transition. You could’ve talked to younger me about how trans is a thing and I would’ve said it didn’t apply to me. I wish someone would’ve given me that kick and said “Hey dipshit you’re trans, whether you like it or not” and countered all my dumbass excuses about being a boy and how it’s normal for boys to do this, because it isn’t and wasn’t.
I’m not saying to force anything onto them, I’m saying tell them about being trans, that it’s not exactly normal for people to do this stuff
Yes, that is the bad part. You shouldn’t be telling anyone that it’s not normal to express their gender however they’re expressing it. Even if you think it’s for their own good.
If they literally do not know trans people exist or you’re correcting stereotypes about trans people that’s one thing, but if they do already know all that then… that’s it, you don’t need to do anymore. People need to take it at the pace they need to take it at, even if that pace isn’t the pace you’d have taken it at. (Assuming they are trans and not just gender nonconforming.)
Looking back at your own behavior as a child or teen and seeing how it was an expression of you being trans is absolutely fine, and so is wishing it had gone differently. But you can’t project those wishes onto other people.
But it isn’t exactly normal is it? I mean most boys don’t like to act and dress like girls, they don’t play as girls in games, grow long hair. For most people these would be considered signs of being the other gender or being NB.
Also I get what you’re saying about people going their own pace but you have to understand that people waiting too long to figure out that they are trans can be detrimental to their chances of passing and therefore their mental health. Some people kill themselves because it feels hopeless when transitioning later and I know the feeling. It sucks that my voice will probably never pass without surgery. If I had broken the egg as early as possible and began transition then, I would perfectly pass right now, even if I’d waited until I was 18 I would’ve still been better off than I am now.
It may not be typical or usual, in that most boys indeed don’t do those things. But normal is a judgement word, and as they say, a setting on the washing machine. Thinking you have to convince someone the way they express their gender is not normal and they need to transition soon or they’ll try to kill themselves is not just catastrophizing, it is way projecting your own trauma and hangups onto other people.
And like, to be clear, I am not blaming you for having Extremely Big Emotions about this! Being trans in a transphobic society inherently comes with a lot of trauma and societal conditioning to sort through. We have to be extra careful to not just reinforce the same oppressive system of gender stereotypes while working through our own shit, it’s a real tightrope.
Playing girls in videogames is a sign of being trans now? Hello stereotype.
It is :) Most cis boys don’t enjoy playing as girls, it’s a very eggy thing to do.
Why are you suggesting what is cis or trans or anything else for someone else’s brain? It comes off like bullies I might have seen in the 90s. “Oh you like art and fantasy? F**!” “Oh you like cooking, like a woman???” It’s best not to make rules of identity for how people express themselves.
Liking art didn’t make me gay, and liking cooking didn’t make me a woman, despite what someone said about me then.
Sometimes people need tough love and tough love can feel like bullying but it’s still good for them and helps them out of denial. Liking those things doesn’t make you trans, it’s a sign that you likely are trans, don’t twist my words that’s a bad faith argument used by cis people who invalidate the egg movement, which is evil because breaking people’s eggs saves lives. Getting people out of denial and able to accept themselves and transition literally saves people’s lives, because trans people who don’t get the care they need literally feel so bad they want to kill themselves.
There’s a big difference between dictating what others behavior says about them, and creating a welcome and safe environment for people to learn about themselves, and feel comfortable to explore their identity.
