Suspended for somebody else stealing 40 dollars from a teacher and then using 20 of it to buy snacks from me. :)

Using an unabridged dictionary instead of my 4th-grade textbook’s glossary.

Every new unit in social studies had a vocabulary box with about a dozen “new” words. The teacher’s first assignment in each unit was to write out each word, then the complete definition of that word from the glossary. Each assignment was worth 10 points. Anyone who “failed” the assignment (less than 7 out of 10 points) was given a lunch detention: no recess.

Some units had only a handful of words; the assignment would end up being 2 or 3 pages. Some units had a lot more. They would end up being 5 or 6 pages.

She took off points for each misspelled word, missed punctuation, bad handwriting. The assignment had to be completed in ink, and she prohibited corrections of any sort. No erasable ink: If you made any error anywhere on the page, she expected you to rewrite the entire page. If the ink stopped flowing in your pen, and it produced an interrupted line, that was a point off.

It had to be turned in on standard ruled paper. Using college rule was an instant failure.

Once, I found a nice pen. It was a 1mm ballpoint. It produced nice, thick, clean, dark lines. It wrote smoothly. It was the first pen I found that I actually liked writing with.

Points knocked off immediately: she called it a “marker”, and the assignment was supposed to be completed with a “pen”.

One night, I had forgotten my social studies textbook at school. I decided against even attempting the assignment, and resigned myself to another lunch detention. Dad had other ideas. He insisted that I was exaggerating; the the teacher would be reasonable and accommodating. He said that she would appreciate the effort, and might even give me extra credit for going above and beyond.

He called around, and got the vocabulary list for me. He sat me down with the list and his big, unabridged dictionary, and told me to start writing. I remember that I filled two whole pages with the definition of a single word, and that I turned in 15 pages.

When she was grading my assignment, she called me up, and asked me what I had done. I explained that I had used a dictionary. She pulled out a big red marker, wrote a giant “F” across the first page, and gave me two lunch detentions for my obstinance.

She fucked me up for a few years. All I learned from her was that if I couldn’t achieve absolute perfection, there was no point in even trying.

When I was in second grade, my teacher saw me bend a paperclip once. For the rest of the year she would scream my name every time she found a bent paperclip and insist I must have bent it. One time she took away a snack I had because there was a twist tie on the bag and she insisted it was one of her paperclips I stole and bent.

Another time she got mad at me and insisted I was chewing gum when I was actually just eating graphite from my mechanical pencil. I don’t think I can really blame her for that one though

In 2nd grade the teacher had to step out of the room for several minutes and put me in charge. If anyone misbehaved, I was to write their name on the chalkboard. One group of boys did misbehave, so I wrote down their names.

When the teacher returner, she scolded me for “being a snitch” and sent me to the principal’s office.

Two kids were playing catch with a milk carton to see who it would burst on. One kid missed and it hit me and burst. I was blamed for it and the teacher tried to make me clean it up no matter how much I explained that I didn’t do anything wrong. Fortunately, those two kids owned up to it and they cleaned it up but the teacher was super upset about it and still insisted it was my fault. Idk if she had some sort of vendetta against me or if she just couldn’t accept that she was wrong and doubled down.

Reading ahead in class. I wasn’t reading ahead, I am just a fast reader. Yes, I really did finish that chapter already. Yes, when you said to read it. No, I’m not showing off.

What kind of teacher complains that a kid is reading too much?

Making a fireball with the schools powdered coffee creamer.

Farting. I had a teacher who would send kids to the nurse for farting. So, of course, we’d fart as loud as possible and blame it on someone around us. You know, whip your head to the side and say,“Damn, Chris!” They usually got sent to the nurse. This was at least 2-3 times a week. I got blamed enough times that she upped the seriousness and sent me to the principal. Fair enough, I mean, I had gotten more kids sent to the nurse than they got me, and the principal just sort of rolled his eyes and sent me back to class. 7th grade.

Was a boy in kindergarten and my teacher told my parents that I was retarded because I couldn’t read. Had been reading to parents since I was three. Turned out she just hated boys.

The drug dog hit on my car right before Christmas break senior year. It hit on my box of Claritin D, so I let them search it. They used tweezers to pick flakes of what they called weed out of the floorboards, and I got sent to alternative school for 19 weeks.

Well, the school handbook said that the max punishment was 6 weeks, so we appealed it. The principal and superintendent were new and wanted to make an example of me, so that was a bust.

At the same time, I had submitted all of my stuff for my Eagle Scout rank, but still hadn’t had the final board of review.

Right before our school board meeting, we got a call from one of the member’s wives. This school board member was also the scout master, and he hated me. She said that my behavior wasn’t befitting of an Eagle Scout, and if we kept appealing they’d revoke it, and those few flakes of weed would turn into 2 ounces (felony possession).

Jokes on them, though. In alternative school they just sent all of my work for the rest of the year, so I did it in like 3 weeks and didn’t have to go anymore. I did have to shake that board members hand when I graduated, though.

Kindergarten, in a pencil-sharpening contest with 2 girls. Even though my pencil was clearly sharper, they ganged up on me and said theirs were, vote was 2-1. I exclaimed that “girls are toilets”, which was overheard by the authorities. Spent the rest of the day in timeout.

There are a lot of choices, but one I was talking to someone else about today was the time we were doing the pledge of allegiance, and I did it in a language that wasn’t English. I started doing it in an indigenous language, and after two lines the teacher was like “TINA, NO!!!”

I got in trouble for not singing during rehearsal for our 2nd grade Christmas concert. I remember this because I was definitely singing and it’s the first time I can remember getting in trouble for something I didn’t do and having no power to do anything about it. I actually love singing so much that I ended up singing in any group I could join in highschool and college. Really though, that teacher just didn’t like me very much 🫤

I got sent to the principal’s office in kindergarten for saying my teacher had big hands after another kid called them “bigfoot” while they were standing on a step-ladder. She apparently was insecure about her massive, gigantic, galactic-sized hands.

Telling other kids to stop talking because, if they didn’t, they’d get in trouble.