- cross-posted to:
- opossums@lemmy.world
- cross-posted to:
- opossums@lemmy.world
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“How are you,” is one of those loaded questions I never know how to answer.
Is it part of a greeting? Do you genuinely want to know? Do I lie and keep the peace, or do I open up and bring you down?
Anyway, I’m doing fine, how are you?
It’s a greeting, and an invitation to open up if you like.
I’m autistic and I get this. You can learn this stuff. Just respect we’ve got a culture here. Obviously “How are you?” is a symbolic hello.
It’s like a health check. When you hit /api/health/ it probably doesn’t report all the details like number of users created today, count of files in the S3 bucket, whatever. It checks that shit’s basically working, it heard your request, and now everything is 200 OK.
(No, you can’t return a 204 no content in this metaphor because that’s not what the client is expecting. If they don’t get a 200 back, they’re going to think something is wrong and investigate.)
I’m just assuming some of you are like backend developers and this metaphor will make sense to you.
Maybe they’re shy and don’t complete the sentence. They wanna know “How are you so handsome?”, but don’t dare to ask such personal questions.
That sounds like an accusation against either your intelligence, or your standing in life.
“How are you?”, is basically an open question of “what have I done lately? where am I headed?” It’s an invitation to politely level some burden at least, but this also includes taking in some burden of the friend.
the answer is always “fine” and possibly a “how are you?”.
Someone recently hit me with, “What do you have going on the rest of the day?” and I stood in stunned silence for way too long.
I’ve adopted, “Nothing, it’s great!”
I usually just say “recovering from this” and gesture vaguely at everything
Weeping and wailing
I alwas answer those questions with a “why’s that?”, makes them actually asknwhat they want while you think of a lie.
You’re not gonna trick me into hanging out with you this time!
I like asking coworkers near the end of our shift, “What’s for dinner?”
as little as possible.
Try to give the minimum acceptable response like, “fine” or, “nothing,” and MFs think you’re being mysterious and keep pressing.
Can’t win!
Like my Uber passengers who will not stop asking until they’ve nailed down exactly where I’m from.
No matter how slowly and gradually I trickle the information out they just don’t get the hint.
“Are you from Denver originally?”
“No but I’ve been here about ten years now. This feels like home to me”
“Where are you from?”
“The Midwest”
“Which state?”
“Indiana”
“Which city?”
“Terre Haute”
“Oh yeah which part?”
… three hours later …
“Which bedroom is yours?”
“Which side of the bed did you sleep on?”
Why tho
Autism would be my guess, except that I’m autistic and now that I’m in my 40s I have some social skills under my belt. Maybe autism combined with zero drive to learn and adapt?
“i enjoy engaging in small talk with people i’ll probably never see again, and being sarcastic.”
One of my pet peeves about being an Uber driver is when people’s only method of conversation is “getting to know you”.
As if we’re college roommates and we’re gonna be best buds. No dude, in 9 minutes I’m dropping you off and we’re never seeing each other again.
I kind of get it though because most people don’t have enough conversations to develop good conversational skills. I’m lucky as an Uber driver because I get to have conversations all day.
What kind of conversation would you prefer from a passenger?
Started a punk band as a teen. Favorite song I wrote Called Lost Opposum. I feel this deeply.
I’d listen to that shit
and “why are you digging around in that trash can?”
Bitch you’ll know when I find something.
This triggers me.
Stop putting us in memes!
How would I know? Those are way too hard, ask me about the last digit of pi or something else.
4, then 2
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Forget the riddles. I hate meeting people who throw physical threats at me such as, “I’m a hugger.”
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That are not riddles, thats small talk
And yet, the answers allude me all the same.
Easy.
“what do you do for fun”: I’m really into horse-based watersports and am currently funding a Kazak paramilitary organization to take care of the mares whilst their parents are sold as meat to french markets.
“how are you”: I am well.
the problem with the humorous fake overshare strat is you’ll eventually meet someone who will play into it and you’ll either have a lot of fun or it will be uniquely horrible
horse-based watersports a–
“-uh! …which kind? no, not asking the kind of horse…”You don’t know how deep into the rabbit pie I am willing to go
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