You don’t have to.
Anything really. No matter what your friends say, what your family says, you’re not obligated to live your life in a way which is not comfortable for you. Or put yourself into situations you dislike just to please other’s expectations.
Do it your way. Do your best to be a good person of course (according to whichever moral standard you hold). But do it your way.
Nice perspective man. It really gives you time to breath.
The word “No” is such a life-changer and it’s definitely something I learned to apply only recently. I grew up being told to be obedient. Parents demanded it and school enforced it. It made me into a people pleaser and it sucked having to do things that I did not enjoy simply because it was what was expected of me.
I’m still struggling with No but I’ve been trying everyday to keep saying No to things I don’t particularly like.
The idea of being a loser or winner in life, and that there is an objective consensus that could accurately rank your value as a person, is fake. People as a whole don’t take the time to come to agreement on what matters, they don’t understand each other, and you don’t have a ranking, even theoretically. It’s only in your imagination, so make an effort to cut some slack and imagine yourself in a kinder way.
this is a concept i’ve been trying to put into concrete terms for myself and you just, like, fuckin nailed it right down. thank you so much.
That I’m autistic as fuck and no, I’m not angry, I’m overstimulated, understimulated, too cold, too hot, hungry, thirsty, I don’t have my glasses on, or anything really.
So I’m learning to be kinder towards myself and go outside of my comfort zone every once in a while, but on my own terms.Dental floss, man. Dental floss.
Twice a day and don’t go at it like an animal or too harshly … it’s a pain and I don’t particularly enjoy it but at the same time, I have many, many friends who never took care of their teeth and now in their 40s and 50s either have several missing teeth or are dealing with cavities or gum disease so bad that they will lose their perfectly healthy teeth in a few years.
Seeing what happens to your teeth and mouth if you don’t take care of them is what motivates me every day to take care of mine.
I also think of it this way … would you rather have the small inconvenience every morning and night of flossing … or would you rather not do that every day and just have one terrible and painful dental visit every two / three years to remove another tooth and have your dentist tell you that you’re going to lose more in a few years.
What benefit do you see in flossing in the morning if you did it before going to sleep?
Keeps your gums strong and immune to the embrace of floss, whereas non-flossers gums easily bleed.
Just frequency … i asked the hygienist I’ve been with for years the same question … she said it didn’t have much to do with anything, it was just a way to encourage people to floss more often during the most convenient times of the day.
It doesn’t matter when you floss, so long as you do it at least twice a day spaced about eight, ten, 12 hours apart.
Being outside for a little bit every day. The walk from the office to your car is not enough
Spend time outdoors … go camping or sleep outside for a night or two … just unplug and be alone for a few hours or a few days. It does wonders to your mental health if you just remove yourself from everything and everyone once in a while.
Make sure your routine includes exercise (ideally strength and conditioning), the change in your quality of life cannot be overstated. Also you are much more useful to others
And stretch!
It took me 30 years to learn I’ve CPTSD.
Same.
I guess the ‘lesson’ would be:
If you can do a thought exercise about a or multiple personal relationships you have with adults, and you conclude that a blatant, repeated and normalized double standard exists where if you treated these persons they way they treat you, for just one day or one week, and you know they would become enraged, furious and indignant, that their world would collapse around them without you bearing emotional / physical / mental / financial / planning responsibilities or tasks for them…
Run. Leave. Block. Cut off all contact.
Such people cannot be changed, and your life will be better without them.
Did you learn how you got that?
Yes
That it’s okay to stop what I’m doing and take care of myself even if everyone else is doing fine. And that running yourself into the ground because you’re “supposed to” is going to fuck you up in the long run.
That last bit especially applies to running, my knee clicks an unreasonable amount now.
a long hot bath is worth the time spent on it.
Take care of hand skin.
Learned it in the lab, after some sodium hydroxide got into a minor wound on my hand and started burning.
Oof, been there
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