I have anger issues, which I can’t control. I am considered conventionally attractive (though I don’t see it) and many people think I’m cool and want to be around me.
Like I said, though, I have anger issues where I will act quite aggressively towards people. One time, someone I knew said hi to me, so I screamed “I HEARD YOU”. I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).
My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.
I’m even like this with guys I’ve dated and I love them not as brothers.
Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy. (Part of the reason why I’m bi curious but never found a woman I’d date, excluding one I almost went out with).
While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]
But yeah, TLDR; My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.
I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.
Yes, if you are unkind to people many will not wish to be around you regardless of your reasons for it.
You’ll need to work to change your behavior if you want to avoid this. Many people have anger issues. It’s hard to control how you feel but you may have success in changing how you act when you feel this way.
My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.
Gonna be real here this is straight up abuser language.
Yes, anger problems are a turnoff for pretty much everyone but a handful of people with psychological problems.
You need to address your anger issues, because no one should be asked to ignore being abused regardless of your reasons for it. Until you fix you, it’s unfair to expect others to deal with it.
Get therapy, because most of what you said in your post is very troubling and shows that you have a disconnect from reality
their other posts are starting to disturb me, makes me think they’re developing some psychotic-esque break
This person thrives on attention. It doesn’t matter if it is good or bad attention. They look like they are experiencing narcissistic collapse, and that needs to happen with people far and safely away from them.
Why do people assume I’m narcissistic? I’m just autistic/ADHD and depressed :(
i have all 3 and do not behave this way. i don’t believe any of these cause someone to think the way you do.
We’re those diagnosed by a mental health professional who also ruled out other diagnoses? Are you seeing a therapist regularly?
No therapist anymore, diagnosed ADHD as a child but I may have autism as well (not diagnosed yet).
Depression at 17.
Sounds like it would be worthwhile to have a diagnosis again now that you’re an adult, and attend therapy to discuss the anger issues
You’re clearly not just that.
Do you mind pointing me towards that handful of people?
They’re usually also angry and abusive people too
Sorry mate, but it sounds like you’re absolutely in the wrong and need to work on your anger issues instead of waving your hand at people for not understanding you.
I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.
People acknowledge your reasons but it’s no excuse for shouting or lashing out. You can try anger management or trying to keep your voice lower when you’re mad, or at least apologizing when getting genuinely mad at someone.
Yeah seeing OP type “I can’t control that” so many times about anger was wild.
I understand you can’t control the initial feeling of anger but you absolutely can control how you respond to it coming.
The lack of understanding that indeed, you may struggle to control it, BUT YOU’RE STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR IT
But they DESERVE ITTTT 😣
As a sports fan, I hate when people are bad at things. Why even try if you suck, honestly?
Loser talk. Do you see the masturbatory way you are reveling in these negative responses? Will you acknowledge you are dwelling in hyper negativity, seemingly for the lulz?
If you don’t understand why people do something even if they ‘suck’ at it, then you’re asking others to do something you’re not willing to do yourself.
If you were being physically abusive and couldn’t help it, would you still think they should accept that as just ‘you being you’? Would you accept it? You are verbally abusive when you don’t like something, perhaps even if they can’t help it… They practice passive avoidance if they don’t like something.
Because the way to improve skills, athleticism, ability to play an instrument, basically anything…
Is practice.
Training.
Sure, some people are naturally better or worse at certain things than others.
Not everyone will turn out equally better given the same amount and style of training.
But all of the initial different starting aptitudes at a certain skill vanish into meaninglessness against a person who consistently trains and practices, that person will be considerably more talented than any ‘natural’, 99% of the time.
Also… some people, most people do things because they enjoy doing them.
Not because they need or want to be better than others.
If your goal is to have fun, develop a skill, stay in shape, have fun… you’re always winning, even if you aren’t literally the best.
… And if you do try to always be the literal best… there’s almost always someone better if you keeo advancing into higher skilled competition levels and even if you are truly the best… you won’t be forever. You’ll get an injury, make a mistake, or just get old.
I bet they don’t practice 😂
They need to and still suck. I practice just like they “practice”. I don’t practice often, but I’m still better.
Also, wanted to say this, why do you care about having competition so much? If you were truly better than everyone else, you wouldn’t have competition.
Anger is absolutely a huge turn-off for me. As is all that ‘tough-love’ talk. If it’s not very explicitly explained to me, it comes across as just being an asshole. Even if it is explained, there’s a good chance I’ll be annoyed someone else decides they can 'teach me a lesson’if I’m not already intimately familisr with them. People assuming they know you well enough to redefine you is… Pretty rude, generally.
Yes. If you can’t control it then you need to work on the first before hurting others.
I would highly reccomend talking to a therapist. It can be hard to find one that works for you, but give it a shot and try a few if one doesn’t work. Therapy can be incredibly helpful and this is something that sounds like it’s having a negative impact on your life.
At some point if you are making people uncomfortable, they won’t be around you… no matter how “right” you are.
and that’s why I am here 🤡
you are trippinggg
This reads like OP is slightly delusional
“…when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).”
You should note that you are talking about your anger which you recognize is a problem for you and others. Yes it is a turn off.
You might currently lack the awareness and skill set to control your mood but this is something you can develop through therapy. It is literally what therapy is for. I hope you find what you need to resolve your anger.
Edit: You might find after having a discussion with a therapist that “your reasons” for being angry may not be justified or might be inappropriate responses due to things entirely unrelated to the matter at hand.
Handling a human powder keg all the time is exhausting and extremely anxiety inducing. Your ex’s and friends might love you just as much as you love them, but a relationship built on eggshells and arguments will never be healthy for either of you or last long term.
Yes, inability to control your mood, constantly screaming at people, being pissed off and aggressive basically all the time, and being a rude asshole all the time is a major turn off.
I grew up in a family like this, dated a good number of people like this, then eventually figured out: Oh, I have CPTSD and low self esteem from being chronically abused by most of the people in my life, for most of my life, I don’t actually have to put up with their bullshit.
You sound extremely reminiscent of my abusive female ex-partners, full of rage, suspicious of and less friendly toward women (likely because you view them all as competition and/or incompetent), and most importantly, you’re a completely unnacountable and irresponsible narcissist hypocrite.
You do understand why people don’t react well to you being aggressive and pissy all the time.
My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them.
This reveals that you do understand that your friend doesn’t like it when you are aggressive.
But you rationalize away your aggressiveness as the cause of your friend avoiding you with the intention underlying your action.
Your intention doesn’t matter.
What you actually do, how you actually do it is what matters.
If I perform a surgery with the intention of saving someone’s life, but I fuck up when I use a chainsaw instead of a scalpel to make the initial incision, my patient is now dead, and I am responsible, regardless of my intention.
…
No one has any obligation to deal with your anger issues other than you.
No one owes you their friendship or affection, de facto, just because you believe they do.
You should seek intensive therapy, probably look for a CBT specialist, at the very least, learn how to self reflect and apologize for doing things that make others flee from you…
…otherwise you’ll soon find that your anger issues do indeed affect you, by making you unable to have any healthy relationships with anyone, leaving all the people you care about no longer caring about you.
EDIT:
I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.
People are not misintrepeting you, and you know it.
I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).
You state that you are upset, ie, prone to a rude or aggressive interaction 90% of the time.
People are not misinterpreting your behavior.
Your behavior is abusive 90% of the time, and you just think that’s everyone else’s problem, not yours.
… Would you want to be friends with someone who is pissed off and abusive 90% of the time?
Honest, serious question:
Are you capable of actually imagining interactions with yourself from the other person’s point of view?
Can you do that, mentally transport yourself into someone else’s shoes, without immediately adding in all the rationalizations that you didn’t actually communicate, that only exist in your head?
To be honest, not really, that’s why I ask these sorts of things and don’t know how to fix it. I can’t understand tone or nuance, I don’t feel guilty about things (my sense of right or wrong is only determined by competence and what benefits me, and also what people tell me is wrong.)
I can imagine it slightly, but I have trouble caring that it hurts them. (I know it’s wrong but I don’t feel bad)
I got kicked off a team, but I knew my behavior had a bad impact because someone told me it did. I only knew bullying was wrong when it happened to me. If it gets me more friends, it’s not wrong. If it makes people hate me, it is wrong, but it’s also on them because I don’t deserve this type of treatment.
That’s called being a sociopath, more recently, Anti Social Personality Disorder.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/sociopath#sociopath-vs-psychopath
Your sense of morality revolves only around whatever has a beneficial or detrimental effect on yourself, you seem to genuienly have nearly no innate concept of how socializing works.
As far as I know, there’s no way you can … ‘fix’ sociopathy, just as with myself there’s no way I can ‘fix’ being autistic.
But… that doesn’t mean you can’t learn your own coping skills, learn the general rules of acceptable behavior, learn how a ‘normal’ or neurotypical mind generally works, and how that differs from how your own mind works.
I actually had a friend who was a diagnosed sociopath.
No innate ability to reflexively emphasize with others.
But he did the work.
He went to therapists and counselors, he learned to stop and ask people how his actions made them feel, he learned what generally is and is not socially acceptable, he learned how to be a more pleasant person to be around, how humble himself and own responsibility for his actions and the things he’d say to other people.
He didn’t want to harm people, and you may not either.
But he had to put in significantly more work than the average person to do so, and you likely will as well, if you do actually want to be able to have functional relationships with other people.
So I’m in a similar-ish situation to you in that I process emotions differently to other people and think a lot of what characterizes normal communication is burdensome, though in my case I appear more as cold or insensitive than angry. With that in mind, I’ll say this:
My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.
You’re correct. If someone was being an ass to me all the time I wouldn’t want to be around them either. You have to understand the differences between your thinking and that of people around you (which is easier said than done; I’ve been and still am there), and with that understanding decide how much you intend to adjust your behavior to account for those differences. The spectrum here has two extremes; one is changing nothing about your behavior and the other is to completely go against your instincts and do everything you can to appear as a normal person to the other side. Where you land on this spectrum is ultimately up to you, but it’s up to other people whether they’ll stick around or leave you, so it’s a trade-off and you’ll have to decide how much you’re willing to make it. Of course, remember the golden rule and don’t do things you know will hurt the other person. Also:
While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]
This is an exception to everything I’ve said above. It’s just misogyny, no two ways about it. It’s not up to you what “the best version” of a woman (or anyone else) is, or whether or not they should be that.
Yes. 110% a turn off. It sounds like you have a lot of issues and baggage you need to sort out and that is a massive red flag to me and I’d imagine it is for most people.
Making others unwilling participants in your personal issues is a sure-fire way to ensure none of your relationships last.
Have you explored your anger issues and addressed root causes? If not, anything will continue to trigger you and yes, that’s an issue.
