As long as you feel you want to avoid responsibilities, please do so in a responsible way. Use condoms every time, and don’t get involved with a person who wants children. Be a good support-player at work so your manager doesn’t have to be a bitch (they still might, in which case support your coworkers). And contribute in low-effort ways like donating an occasional pint of blood if you’re eligible, or offering to put someone else’s cart away at the grocery store. Just being a decent person is enough.
I am the same and find that life is enough for me as it is. I’m also on the spectrum so it’s easier to not burden myself unnecessarily.
My ADHD plays a huge part in the opposite direction. I have had hundreds of different hobbies or interests. Each hold my attention for a while and then I rotate to the next.
What I have learned to do is make hobbies or projects interrelated and each supports the next. CAD work supports my 3D printing, which supports all the rest, as an example. Tools purchased need to have multiple uses and other supplies the same. Essentially, I have constructed a huge feedback loop for my natural tendency to bounce around.
While that stuff keeps me busy, I am learning to simplify the rest of my life, so that is nice.
Wow. I think you just resolved some minor trauma for me. My mother used to berate (and sometimes beat) me for “never finishing things”, as in I’d be really interested in something and then lost interest. It drove her up the wall, but since I was a kid all I heard was “stop being interested in everything”.
I got dx’d with ADHD at 35. Slowly, and thanks to comments like yours, I’m making sense of my brain and learning to be kind to myself
I was diagnosed early, but didn’t start treatment until my 30’s. Basically, I had some really unfounded perceptions of the condition and how amphetamines worked. Whoo boy, was I wrong!
But yeah, it’s hard not to use the condition as a crutch or an excuse. It’s a legitimate condition, no doubt, but the trick is trying to learn ways to leverage it as a positive. (TBH, this only works in some cases, not all.)
The biggest challenge for me is trying to communicate how I think and operate to others. Processes that work for normal humans simply do not work for me. This poses some massive challenges in my career, for sure. By the same token, the way I think gives me unique advantages in problem solving. (I am in IT Security by trade where thinking differently is almost a requirement.)
Man, I wish I had heard this decades ago. Most of my hobbies are entirely unconnected except building guitars then playing them. I have a garage full of woodworking stuff that’s only for that, a garage full of tools for working on motorcycles that don’t overlap, a bunch of tools for cooking outdoors, a room full of entirely unconnected gear for playing pool, rock climbing, a shelf full of tabletop games, gardening equipment, fishing gear, and equipment to make a beverage that is illegal for me to make at both the federal and state level.
You have a good system.
Those sound like some pretty cool hobbies tbh.
They’re all a lot of fun. The only ones I have kept up with long term are building and playing guitars, cooking outdoors, and working on motorcycles. The rest were passing fancies.
Can you give some more examples please?
Not op, but I love making interesting furniture and light fixtures. It’s a combination of wood working, pretty lights, microcontrollers, open source projects, and stuff that normies fucking love, like epoxy desks. I always have a handful of projects at various states of completion and whenever I get bored of one I bounce to another until I finish and then just pick something from my yuge list of stuff I wanna build and keep going.
They aren’t thinking of it in terms of increasing responsibility. That is the cost of the decisions they are making, but it’s not the benefit. Each of the things you mentioned have clear benefits (pay raise, biological drive, altruism). They are simply making decisions about when the benefits outweigh the costs.
i consider to some degree, actively avoiding responsibility as a form of responsibility.
For instance, if you know that you can’t be a good parent, then don’t. Some people just have different priorities, and if yours are simply enjoying life, then fuck it.
IDK why people become managers, either, when the pay often isn’t reflected in the increased responsibility. Plenty of jobs I had, the managers got paid the same minimum wage as everyone below them, while having to do a lot more work. I have no problem with the responsibility, as long as I’m properly compensated for it.
Not too disagree with you, or argue, but in my field your experience is not how it is here. You have to go into management of you want to make more money, and while the work is different, I’m not sure it’s harder
This is only true of “team lead” type managers.
Get more skills and experience. Get promoted. Produce more value. Get paid more. Repeat.
At least for me, it’s because it was the only way to get a raise in my position.
The ability to “strive” is a learned skill that needs to be honed over years. It’s not really natural to most people — it’s easy to fall into a low-energy state and want to stay there because it’s comfortable. It takes practice and energy putting yourself out there and putting an effort into making more of your life.
If you’re happy with who you are and what you’re doing, then I’m not going to neg on your life. But are you going to spend the next ~50 years just gliding along, and not creating or building any value for yourself in this world (and that doesn’t have to be monetary value — building a family, and building up your community through volunteer works build value as well)? When you’re in the twilight of your life, do you want to look back and find you did nothing of significance with your life?
Maybe that doesn’t bother you. That’s fine. Just so long as 15 years from now you’re not some bitter middle-aged person complaining about people in the upper-middle class who get to do things you don’t get to do and who have more money and nice things that you do.
But none of that would be for me. So I put in the work, learned how to strive for the life I wanted, and got a graduate degree, built a beautiful family, got that management job (and the pay that goes with it), and spend my spare time volunteering (currently) with three different organizations. It’s a busy life and take a lot of time and energy — but it allows me to have people around me who love me, with the money to do and own nice things together, and to give back to my community to make it a better place. And when my time eventually comes, I’ll have hopefully left this world a little better off for the effort.
Meh. Your value as a human isn’t tied to your accomplishments (be it having a family or getting a high paying job) or productivity.
This whole thing of “striving as a honed skill” sounds like hustling culture and capitalist brainwashing. In fact, I would say it takes more skill to actually be content with your life and not feel the constant need to strive to be someone better or do something more.
You seem to think that unless you’ve done something, you’re worthless.
It seems that according to your view, a homeless person without a family is completely worthless.
I pretty specifically called out striving to create things like family or helping improve your community through volunteer works — which isn’t “capitalism” at all.
Each of us can always be someone better and do something more. That isn’t a bad thing.
You end by trying to put words in my mouth. I never said anything about the worth of anyone over anyone else. Striving for the betterment of oneself, one’s loved ones, and one’s community is a good thing — but the antithesis of that isn’t that doing none of those things makes you worthless. That’s something you came up with, not me.
Because for many people maturing into an adult means taking on and fulfilling responsibilities. It gives many people meaning and satisfaction, often not at the individual moment, but over the course of a life.
Others don’t feel that way.
A third category think they don’t feel that way, but realize too late that they do.
interesting how you only see the third category going one way
Interesting that it bothered you enough to comment on it.
I’ve worked in hospice care in the past. I’m sure there are people that regret taking on responsibility in their life, but the most desperate people I encountered were the ones that realized that they are at the end of their life and realized that they will never have the opportunity to “finally” take on challenges and/or responsibility.
Imagine a panic attack that doesn’t go away because the time you have left is measured in days, weeks, or maybe months, you know it, and there is nothing you can do to address a lifetime of regret, which intensifies the panic.
Usually the best that can be done at that point is “comfort care,” which is drugs. And I would just see them cry, fade, cry, fade, cry, fade, and then die alone. It’s horrifying to see, and it sticks with you.
Life isn’t a movie or game, and no one is the main character.
Because people find fulfillment in different things.
I have to have a job, which means I have to work. If I have to work, I’d prefer it was challenging and stimulating. That doesn’t mean it’s good, but busy and challenged and better than bored and unstimulated for me personally.
@humbletightband essentially it’s because more responsibility leads to more power.
Specifically, people are interested in having more power over outcomes eg avoiding hunger, discomfort, loneliness etc.
Edit: I don’t mean this in a bad or selfish way, though reading back over it I can see how it could come across like that. I’m talking about having more agency and control over aspects of life for yourself and others.
That includes, say, helping with humanitarian causes.
Specifically, people are interested in having more power over outcomes eg avoiding hunger, discomfort, loneliness etc.
And in many cases we need to acknowledge that this is a good thing. Everyone should be empowered to have more control and more autonomy. The problem is not everyone is afforded that luxury.
@whoisearth yes I meant it as a good thing. Control and power to effect changes we want in the world are good things.
I’ve had to go back and edit my comment because some people seem to have taken it in a very different spirit to how it was intended.
If those things don’t make you happy then don’t do them.
What people want in life often comes from what they experienced themselves previously. You mentioned charity. I’ve put 13 years of my life into being a scouts group leader, organizimg weekly meetups, many events and multiple scout camps a year. I’m very passionate about this, since I’ve got so much out of being a scout since I was 7, growing up with a community, that was meaningful and not harsh and punishing as school. I wanted tp give these experience back to the next scout generation. And during my time as scout group leader I could grew even more, making my own life better through helping others. Soon I will shift my focus away from the scouts (currently its too much together with work; also I want kids soon).
I’m not saying, that you need to do this. I just wanted to explain where my motivation comes from. I get a sense of fulfilment and I’m proud of what I’ve done and I’m proud of the kids, that I saw growing up and now being group leaders themselves.
Finding something, that you are passionate about is very important. It doesn’t need to include external responsibilities. Taking responsibility for your own self, like putting in hard work to learn a new skill, can be as fulfilling as the above.
I used to avoid extra responsibilities, and I still don’t have kids, and I don’t do charity. In the past moving to stressful positions was financially motivated. But my current job as a patient advocate is extremely rewarding to me. It’s the first time I felt I had a job that meant something and I am fulfilled by making impact in individual lives. I’ve had people call me a life-saver, and have had patients shed tears after I was able to help them. Sometimes my job is not so great, and some things are routine and go by thanklessly, but the moments I am able to be a difference motivates me.
This is the first job I’ve participated and engaged in more than just the basic requirements, because I see what I do and what my colleagues do as meaningful and valuable, beyond making a CEO their paycheck. I go as far in my job to actually reduce GDP I suppose, steering people towards options that are best for them, even if they don’t generate direct profits for my company. I feel like a real person here, and that’s why I take on more responsibilities. (it also will help me financially in the long run, but that is less of a primary factor for me now)
Because they want to grow as an individual lol.
I don’t want to be a manager, but did have lots of kids and went to school to get a ‘real’ job. I think to some extent people just do things because they need to be done - I wanted a house and family so easiest way to get that was to have kids and work. I like to eat good food, having money and a garden is the easiest way to get that. It’s certainly not a power trip, as someone lower down implies. More like a form of greed, if you have to look at it in a negative way. I like having a full house.
