Don’t forget the inevitable “3 months ago we were made aware of a breach of the BONTO! servers. What information was taken? Bet you’d like to know wouldn’t you. What have we done about this situation? Fuck you, that’s what.”
BUT . . .But. To make it up to you we’ve also sold your info to a “Privacy Lock” company who will sell you something imaginary for as long as you pay them. That’ll totally fix it.
3 months later; privacy lock company is breached
You can’t use this service unless you give us your social security number. Whoops! Your SSN was stolen three months ago and we just found out.
I’d argue that email is as useful as regular mail. I get about 2 letters a year written by a person. The rest is bills and marketing.
Email is basically a central notification hub for users, and I’d much prefer that than having to log into each specific app to be notified of things.
Love these anti-features
Linkedin also send you emails even if you repeatedly turn them off
Last I checked LinkedIn doesn’t even have a way of straight up turning all emails off. I had to individually turn off email notifications on bazillion categories. …Then they just invented more categories.
You unsubscribed to “Marketing promotions from recruiters”, this is “Marketing promotions from unknown recruiters within 102 KM of an airport”.
Keep up man.
Click. Report spam. Just as it deserves.
I used to unironically enjoy skimming my spam folder for fun scams, but nowadays there are no fun scams, it’s all fake amazon gift cards, fake pharmacies, and fake iCloud and Cash App emails.
I miss the days where it felt like a sexy single was interested in me, purely by my email, or I had been singled out by royalty of some sort.
Don’t forget the 4500 emails suggesting you upgrade to slorp pro-premium-plus-max
You make fun of this but I really had bonto pro-premium-plus-max and it comes with many benefits like not getting these mails anymore
*Your 2FA login code for SLORP
*Your password reset link for SLORP
*Your password reset link for SLORP
*You have (2) new messages from other SLORP users
*There has been a login attempt from a new device on SLORP
*Your SLORP password may have been compromised
- SLORP is best enjoyed in the app!
- ALERT: You have a SLORP update!
- SLORP with the Plasticians! New slorpson next week!
- Must SLORP slorps this week!
Every goddamn time…
☐ I would like to be contacted for marketing purposes
Next day…
Here’s that marketing email you requested!
Click here to unsubscribe from Slorp marketing emails. First log in. Forgot password? Click here to reset. Hmm, doesn’t appear to be a user account with that email address. Create an account? Check your email for the activation link. Confirm your contact information. Consent to tracking cookies? Manage notifications. Unsubscribe from all? We’re sad to see you go!
Slorp? That’s a weird way to spell Twitch.
I always report spam without unsubscribing. It fks up their score with google.
Every platform with enough technical resources should support one click unsubscribe.
I never understood the concept of making it difficult to unsubscribe. Marketers have a hard enough time getting users to open email at all. Let users help you clean up your subscriber list with an easy opt out to reduce your send cost and improve deliverability.
/> reset password
“hmm, there doesn’t appear to be a user account with that email address”
/> Makes new account
“User account with that email exists. Reset password?”
Business contaminates everything useful with endless appeals to your attention.
“Thank you for your pre-paid lifetime subscription to Slorp! Unfortunately, after the acquisition by BONTO!, we have made the difficult decision not to honor these Slorp Platinum accounts going forward. But please enjoy a 15% discount on your first month of BONTO! Premium+! (Have you seen our stock price?)”
I remember when Slorp was Qooble.
Man I miss good old Qooble.
I have a 100 gb Google storage just so I don’t run out of email space. Even if you aggressively unsubscribe from shit, there’s just waaaaay too much emailing in general by companies.
I once bought four items in a single order from Amazon. They shipped all items separately, which meant I got four shipment mails, four DHL ‘it’s underway’ messages, four ‘it’s being delivered today’ messages and four ‘your item has been delivered’ messages by DHL. Oh and to round it out: four delivery confirmations from Amazon.
All told, that one four-item order meant 21 separate emails. There HAS to be a more efficient way to handle that.
TBH I think if your email is filled with garbage you need to do a better job of managing your email.
If they think email is bad now, then obviously a lot of people dont remember the 90s before spam filtering got decent.
At least then it was only Bill Gates personally sending me chain letters
Slorp has detected that you haven’t opened our emails for a long time. It’s very important to slorp that you keep your contact information updated. Please login Here to verify your slorp account details.
– the fact slorp gets upset that I have tracking pixels disabled so they can’t monitor my email usage is one big reason they can go slorp themselves
Hold up, tracking pixels? What the fuck is that and how do I disable it.
When you load an image from a remote server it leaves an item in their activity logs (when you download the image, the IP address, your email client’s user agent, and a few other details).
If you make the URLs for the images unique, you can now attach an email send to a specific person reading that email, and you can see where and when they read it.
It’s been a security risk for a long long long time and only recently have email clients started dealing with it. Some will download the images remotely or proxy them for you, but I recommend disabling remote images in emails altogether.
Remember when email was useful? I remember when it was magical!
Time for a story from the ancient times. I had this idea and asked my professor for advice. He said he knew a person on the other side of the world who would know all about it. “This is his ‘email’ address.”
I had never heard about ‘email’ so I needed to learn what it was and how to send one. I wrote my message and off it went. The very next morning I had a reply. One of the best experts on a topic I was keen about had shared their thoughts from the other side of the world, just like that.
In that time, a long time ago as you’ll appreciate, that interaction was magical.
In an instant I understood the power of the Usenet. A while later and with a couple of additional protocols they started calling that the Internet.
Usenet is now INTERNET!
The Usenet actually still exists.
