May you have to deal with people like yourself for eternity.
May you have the life that you deserve
Ouch
Make them use Microsoft products.
May one shoelace be permanently tighter than the other just enough to be annoying.
How does that work for shoes without laces?
They get incurable cancer
Already have it, your curse has failed.
May your children be just like you.
Unforgivable. Should have just killed me.
May you receive the respect you deserve.
May the other side of your pillow be always warm.
May you never find the short edge of your blanket at night.
🖕
You always feel like you have to sneeze
May your butthole itch after every shower
May you have to take a donkey dump 10 minutes after every shower.
Oh shit I’ve been living under this one.
May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta!
You are a monster.
Every 24 hours, at noon, small rock appears in one of the shoes they are wearing.
They will grow a 5 inch translucent hair from the top of one ear every time they drink coffee.
15 minutes after they ride a bicycle they will have violent diarrhea with 5 minutes of warning signs.
Alcohol has no effect on them.
Every time they turn the steering wheel of their car further than 5°, their turn signal indicates the direction that the wheel turns.
They can hear what their dog or cat is thinking over any distance, but it is only a stream of consciousness because the animal is incapable of understanding that their thoughts are being heard.
Alcohol has no effect on them.
You’re going to have to try again for this one.
- a teetotaler
All of their drawers are missing the thing that keeps them from pulling all the way out so they end up yanking the drawer all the way out every time
Mine never had those anyway. It’s not at all bad once you expect it.
May your socks be forever wet
May you live in interesting times.
That can get violent very easily. “Guess what, you’ll be in the middle of the most interesting war in history because it was the one that caused the most bloodied carnage and most suffering, ever.”
