like being told to “move my fat ass” or just plain annoying and then telling me they were joking.
This is how assholes test your boundaries to see how far they can push you. It wasn’t a joke until you pushed back.
It’s called bullying.
They’re bullying you.
Depends. Sometimes they take a bad swing at a joke and realize they fucked it up… sometimes though they’re just assholes they are trying to cover being an ass.
It’s usually a matter of context to tell which is which.
Oh yeah that’s generally true, but something like calling a person fat just sounds like someone’s being an asshole and then when they get called out they turn it into your problem for being “too sensitive” because it was “just a joke” – ie. continuing to be an asshole
The correct thing to do with a swing and a miss like that is to apologize. If there’s no apology, it’s the asshole thinking they have an actual excuse.
If your neighbour’s donkey is eating your flowers you’re entitled to ask them to move their fat ass.
Over time, you start seeing a pattern. If the (superficially) rude things mostly make you laugh, it’s the former, if they mostly make you feel bad, it’s the latter.
this is known as schrodinger’s asshole. they are serious or kidding depending on the results they get
There is this strange belief that humor is exempt from consequences.
In the book “Jam” by “Yahtzee Croshaw” there is a post-apocalyptic sect formed by a group of people from an internet forum. They are not stupid of course; they form a sect ironically. Then they worship a rambling drunk old man called Bob ironically and have ironic sermons and ironically imprison nonbelievers at the ironic orders of the High Priest.
If you point out that this is stupid and evil, they will roll their eyes and go “Duh!”, then ironically execute you for heresy.
lol that sounds great. Is it a comedy?
He’s the guy who did the Zero Punctuation game reviews for The Escapist so probably.
Ugh, I have a friend whose humour often involves mean-spirited jibes and put-downs. I was in a low mood one day and told him I didn’t like the tone of his “jokes”, that they sometimes stung. He really dialled back after that.
You’re fortunate. I had a friend who was similar, but rather than verbal, his jokes generally involved intentionally acting in a way he knew you found annoying. I once told him that being annoying was, in fact, annoying and not amusing. He said “sorry I upset you. I’ll probably keep doing it though.” I said that that wasn’t what sorry meant … He didn’t respond and did, indeed, keep doing it.
He and I have both grown up a lot since then. I don’t see him often, but I don’t think he’s intentionally annoying anymore.
Most of the time they’re just assholes.
You see when any kind of asshole wants to be an asshole, they’ll say some things. If you like and/or agree, it’s all good with them. If you get offended then they get to be a different kind of asshole because you don’t like them being an asshole. They are banking on most people’s unwillingness to be confrontational and call them on their bullshit, especially women, minorities, or members of any other vulnerable group.
There’s only two functional counters to their assholery; either be confrontational and be a bigger but contextually justified asshole to them until they fuck off, or retreat. While counterattacking is more likely to get them to back down or realize they can’t always be an asshole, it comes with inherent risks that make most people avoid it. This is understandable, as you never know what kind of maniac the asshole might be, and local or immediate circumstances might not favor you. However if you’re in a position to put them in your place and willing to accept the any possible harm, it’s morally and ethically justifiable to stand up to them.
“In what way is that funny?” Is a simple way of countering the “it’s a joke”-cover for assholery.
In the terms of the cliche, they’re trying to have their cake and eat it too.
They want the immediate gratification of being rude assholes, so they do it just long enough for that initial rush, then they back away to try to avoid the consequences.
Because the last thing some people want to do is be accountable
Maybe they’re republican
Let’s make this about politics too because we simply can’t have a thread without someone bringing up politics. Thanks for your contribution on making this place worse for everyone.
No assholes like this are parts of both parties.
I think that some people are just assholes. And other people are too sensitive.
Sometimes its a bit of both. Sometimes its one or the other.
I enjoy mercilessly shit talking people who mercilessly shit talk me back. But I have the social awareness to recognize when this isn’t appropriate, and to treat people the way they want to be treated, not how I want to be treated.
Did you or did you not move your fat ass?
Given your example I assume its in person. You can’t take anything online very seriously as you don’t know if you talking to an 8 or an 80 years old physically or mentally. Ironically I will now continue giving my online opinion as if it matters. From my experience the only time this could be a joke is among a group of male friends who are close. Maybe some females are like this but not in my experience it not as common. Its like the talk you might see in bbc where their always calling each other cunt. Now once in awhile the group might be together and their migh be some new folks or strangers but there is enough folks from the group where one will fall into the mode of acting like that even in mixed company. Some guys like to push to that level of intimacy (they won’t want to call it that. intimacy with other males. but thats what it is). Some families related in this way and as I said im sure some groups of girls might and it might even be common now for all I know. Anyway though this is a very particular scenario and any other thats just an insult and the joke thing is something weak individuals do because they say things looking for other people to back them out and when it does not happen they don’t have the spine to meet their mouth.
People will test the quality of a communication channel by saying nonsensical things on that channel, to see if those interpreting the message believe the nonsense.
It’s a way of affirming a bond of understanding between people.
