It’s wild how these people just can’t fathom that they are the problem.
Every once in awhile these sort of posts make me introspective, they say almost exactly the same as my opinion about what I think of far right conservatives. Then I remember I’m not the one oppressing people and want to accept everyone as long as they don’t bring intolerance.
Something to remember I think is that just because people on both sides of an issue talk the same way about the other side, does not inherently mean that both or neither have a point.
This is one thing that I find very odd: you’ll see posts like this of obvious pieces of shit but the moment you start talking about being intolerant on intolerant people, or of being tired of caring about this sort of thing, you’re suddenly a worse per son than the actual bigot.
No estranged parent ever does.
(For anyone that wants to know more: http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/)
Can confirm, wrt the boundaries portion. I had to have a discussion with the parent with whom I maintain minimal contact, for reasons. They managed to throw in a wild accusation and went absolutely bat guano, demanding I inform a payee of one of her checks that did not show up in the mail that she would be deducting the stop payment fee from the next check. I said I would not, because there is no legal provision for that, and they sent me a screenshot of their bank’s stop payment notice suggesting she talk with the payee, circled and highlighted in paint, to inform me, and I copied the text to paste it here:
You’re out of line. Its not my fault they can’t keep up with their mail. Someone has to pay the fees and I’m not paying!
It’s crazy. I know I’m part of the problem too. These people need something other than factual rebuttals to bring them back into the fold but I’m le tired. I can’t do it anymore. But that means the system is working as intended and we must strive to dismantle it.
I’m le tired
Well, have a nap…then fire the missiles!!
(hoping you were making this reference, or this comment is going to be super weird)
That’s how the religious indoctrination at the base of this works. By design you NEVER question the church. And the Conservative GOP leadership has tapped into that reality distortion field. They could literally tell these people to commit murder and they would…
It’s Nazi level propaganda scary.
They could literally tell these people to commit murder and they would…
They did and they do.
“When I retired I tried to rebond with my kids”
So you were always a bad father.
Exactly. This person may very well suffer with some degree of narcissism, which would make it impossible to see their own responsibility in the whole thing, hence the projection.
This post reeks of “the missing missing reasons”.
Thank you! I had heard that term before and was racking my brain trying to remember it, because it seemed to apply to this situation so well. My mom is like this with my older brother. They’ve been no contact for over 15 years now because my mom said some racist things about my sister-in-law and niece. But when she describes why she doesn’t talk to my brother, that is never mentioned. It’s always vague reasons like “his wife won’t let him talk to me.”
There’s an excellent series of posts about it here: https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
That’s the exact article I was thinking of!
The whole “they sent me pages and pages of abuse but they won’t tell me why they cut contact!” is wild. You can read. Read.
That was a fascinating read, thanks for linking it.
It’s SO good. Facebook is riddled with these parents.
The thing is, if grandpa were to shut up about Trump and the sins of the gays, then his family would actually hang out with him, even if they know he sees the world differently.
He’s just got a new kid in the family and he sees it as an opportunity to berate everyone for not having his worldview. Yeah those guys definitely not the problem.
Lots of projection here.
Projection is their go-to coping strategy
I just reviewed a bunch of posts like his and the comments are like this:
my daughters think abortion is cool and my son thinks communism is awesome
Based
Yes all us commies are just lined up to have an abortion so we can be the cool kids.
Lol I like how this dude reads the very basic textbook definitions of Marxism, and is like “look how this describes how fucking awesome Marxism is!”
He’s probably been told his whole life that communism is the hatred for all things American, so seeing any other definition makes him think he’s reading a sales pamphlet.
I went to a Christian University and I’m leftist as hell.
Same
Right so he is just another god damn lead-brained lunatic.
“Far left liberal”
LolI love that they have no idea what anyone who isn’t a conservative troll night think politically and how it might not all be the same.
Can you imagine making your identity be publicly attacking your children over their beliefs?
I found a few like this last night. They have ZERO insight.
Unfortunately the level of narcissism among boomers and older gen x is pretty high. I guess we’ll have to wait to see how millennials do.
Don’t feel bad Elmer, when those grandchildren grow up and have their own opinions, they’ll hate you on their own.
Typical narcissist. “I’m not the asshole, everyone else is!”
Found a few more last night.
Oh honey, no wonder your kids don’t talk to you
So close, but at the same time, couldn’t be further away lol
I actually like this post. Yes they are political opponents in their family, but it should not split the families, they should not be enemies, instead through love and calm conversations they can arrive to common ground and change each other mind.
Yeah no, you owe bigoted shitheads nothing just because you happen to share DNA with them
When the disconnect is whether or not people deserve rights just because of things like gender identity, I don’t give a shit about finding common ground. The bigoted shitbags can eat shit and die
Old gramps is a white supremacist, this isn’t loving harmony.
Let me draw your attention to a sentence towards the middle of this block of text:
Things I have known as sinful are bold and brave.
He’s talking about gay people. This isn’t an argument about taxes or government spending, it’s whether or not people should be considered criminals for being born different. I can’t speak for everyone, but that’s not something I would personally tolerate, especially if I was trying to be a good influence on my hypothetical children. (I probably won’t have children because just taking care of myself is hard enough and I don’t think I’d be good at it, so take that with a grain of salt.)
I’m sure you mean well but I’m sorry to say this is naive as fuck. Sometimes the only thing to do is cut or limit contact to protect yourself and your own family.
The dude names himself their enemy in his own post, this is a choice he has made, and he only cares because now his actions are beginning to have consequences. He could choose to not be this way and won’t.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
A few will wake up, I think it’s most likely that this dude will die cursing his “Marxist” kids.
Cutting off contact isn’t being an enemy. It’s realizing that someone makes your life worse instead of better, and acting accordingly. Sure, if both sides are willing to have calm conversations and work through the issue, they should be able to. But if one side (and this poster sounds like it’s them) digs their heels in and refuses to respect the other, it’s often healthier to cut contact.
The issue I have with stances like this is that, well, politics are not inconsequential. Its not like being on different sides of a game, where everyone is equally in the right and one side winning or losing changes little. The consequences to political policy are far reaching, nuanced, and can literally be life and death to some, even if the policy seems boring or inconsequential. Some stances therefore are going to seem so heinous to someone with an opposing stance that there really cant simply be an “agree to disagree”, its more a “we work together on this, or we work against eachother”. And if youre working against someone in a matter that can be life and death, that someone is almost definitionally your enemy, regardless of genetic similarity. Humans only have so much capacity in their lives for close relationships with other people. If you cant stand someone, it therefore makes sense to use that capacity to maintain ties with someone you do get along with. Being born around a certain person is not an obligation to stay with them.
I did not say “agree to disagree”. Quite the contrary. Read my post again. Serious issues can be calmly discussed and families not need to be broken.
I’m sorry but when the “serious issues” are whether or not some of my best friends have a right to exist, there will be no calm discussions.
Congrats on not being raised by a narcissist.
Calm discussions are for people that share a reality.
It’s nice you haven’t had to live this. You don’t arrive in this situation because some mean kid doesn’t like your politics: it’s the result of being unwilling or unable to respect boundaries or civil discussion. Nobody gets cut out of regular family interactions because someone saw how you voted over your shoulder, it’s from being a raging, crusading, evangelizing toolbag.
People that post stuff like that aren’t looking for redemption or a relationship revival. It’s performative bullshit so they can get 100 emojis from other loser boomers who over share on Facebook.
“My family has more family now. I’d like to find a way to bridge the gap and see if we can’t start something small that grows someday. It broke and I wish it wasn’t.”
That’s what it actually looks like.
I’m old, my parents ancient and that’s has never worked. Ever. It does lead to more aggressive attacks. I’m NC with one and minimal with the other.
Parents are under an obligation to their children. To love and care for them and make sure they get to adulthood as safely and healthily as they can. Children are expected to do what those parents say until they turn 18 whether they love those parents or not.
You do not have to love your parents and you shouldn’t be expected to if your parents did not fulfill their obligation.
I say this as a very loving parent. I will always love my daughter. If she doesn’t love me, I will be devastated. But I will not say she has to love me.
Let’s say In this example, the parent fulfills their obligations. But they have a different political views.
Let’s say they do. What difference do you think that makes?
I simply point to the fact that you have answered wrong question.
You didn’t point to that “fact” at all.
What, according to you, is the “right” question?
Also, why do you get to decide which questions people ask about the things you say are right or wrong?
Edit: Also, I didn’t ask a question in the first place.
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