I remember back at the height of the pandemic, I saw this lady licking her finger so she can open those plastic bags, then proceeded to touch multiple vegetables and fruits.
OMG. Did you know you have germs on you RIGHT NOW!?
Better drink bleach to take care of the germs internally too, just to be safe.
Love an Invader Zim reference.
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I wet my finger on the drops that fall from the misting nozzles in the produce area. Works every time, no licking. You’re all welcome.
Pff. I once saw some crack-y woman using the entire shelf of makeup in the store.
During the pandemic (and also to this date) I open bags sometimes by visiting the refrigerator section and touching the bed of the shelves. A lot of grocery stores have fridges that spray water in the section so it will get my fingers wet. It’s even easier if Im buying a vegetable from that section, since I just have to touch the thing I’m buying and my fingers will be wet enough to open the bag.
Place the top of the bag between your palms, then think about your evil plan while sliding your hands against each other till they open, if not, try it on the bottom of the bag.
It’s worth pointing out that this only works if your plan is sufficiently evil.
The “Mr. Miyagi” technique.
yet another reason why paper veggie bags are better, trivially easy to open.
Lick your fingertips, or wet them on a beverage from the cooler, then rub them against the 2 sheets of the opening. You’re welcome.
Don’t lick your fingers. Unless you just washed your hands. This is how you get sick.
Touch your fingers on a damp/wet vegetables instead.
Nah. Just pick your nose and use the snot.
That’s how you build natural immunity.
You think you’re not exposed to germs constantly? If the germs are on your hands they are also already on your face.
You’d think germ theory hasn’t been discovered since fucking 1762.
That’s how you build natural immunity.
Not everything you’re infected with gives you benefits, there are a vast many transmissible infectious agents that can literally kill you. While the chances of licking your finger in a grocery store and getting something that bad are pretty slim, it does happen, and your “natural immunity” is working all the time anyway, you don’t need to DO anything to help it along, stop thinking you know better than either medical science OR your own body. If you’re annoyed with how other people handle their hygiene, how about be an adult and keep quiet.
You gross ass JeeBaiChow mother fucker this is why people get sick from going to stores.
Get your fucking fingers out of your god damn mouth. Yuck. What the hell did you do during Covid lockdowns?
I didn’t hear your mother complain, blankets. Maybe i’m how she made you. You’re welcome.
Dad, you fucking suck.
So does your mom, son. So does your mom.
We’ve established that already. This is why she left you for uncle.
Good. You can thank him for that potty mouth of yours, then.
No, I get my terrible habits from you apparently ya germ spreading Covid weasel.
All that stuff was in dirt not long ago it’ll be fine without one
I think they are for checkout convenience. That’s why they’re so thin, don’t mess up the weight.
If he was at Walmart his issue would be finding one of those bags.
I’ve got lil mesh bags I use & wash when they get dirty. I pay slightly more due to the weight, but less plastic waste and I can actually open them
You might want to watch “zakje” by John Fealey, bonus laughs if you’re Dutch as more of it will be relatable.
Nice tshirt.
ZAKJE
Learn to moisturise goddamnit
Protip: lick the end of the bag, so the plastic sticks to your fingers
My personal lifehack is to hold the side that opens between my lips and blow, that loosens them up pretty reliably.
And if you’re lucky it makes a farting noise, so I consider that a bonus.
find the grocery store vegetable rain forest get those little soldiers moist
Hashtag producestrong
I just eat the bag, its easier, free and delicious with the added benefit of supplying my daily microplastic demand
And I will not stop until my testicles can be used as ping pong balls!
Even prorer tip: pull the handles gently apart from each other, the pulling will make the plastic to come apart and then you can grab the edges and open it.
This works in finnish supermarkets, dunno if the bags are the same over there.
My fingers naturally can open them dry, no need for licking.
OOOh FANCY PANTS RICH MCGEE OVER HERE.
Fancy pants? More like greasy hands!
I can wash my hand for 2 minutes thoroughly, and will still open a bag with no issues