• Stovetop@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Because even though they feel the need to seek physical intimacy from someone else, they still want the stability and safety a relationship brings.

    • tiramichu@lemm.ee
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      2 months ago

      Is the answer. Cheating is a mechanism to both have their cake, and eat it.

    • zea@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      2 months ago

      I don’t understand why society demonizes that (the multiple people thing, not the lack of communication). If that’s what’s best for my partner, who am I to stop them? What does exclusivity even get me besides limiting my jealousy?

      • tiramichu@lemm.ee
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        2 months ago

        Polyamoury is cool. Cheating is not cool.

        That’s all it comes down to - consent

        If someone needs multiple partners in their life to feel fulfilled, then wonderful, but they just have to make sure that everyone involved is fine with that before they get into the situation.

      • Kedly@lemm.ee
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        2 months ago

        In most cultures betraying contracts is usually considered bad, and relationships are basically intimate and emotional contracts. Trust is important even in business contracts, but in interpersonal ones its ESSENTIAL. If you entered into a polyamorous relationship, cool, thats the contract all parties agreed to, but if it wasnt specifically polyamorous its defaults to monogamous, and if you breach that trust, you’re probably not getting it back, and without trust ever having a healthy relationship again is probably gone

        • credit crazy@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          Granted I haven’t been around the dating pool very often but from what I’ve seen of cheating it’s rarely because the person is interested in polyamory but because they are simply normal and are trying to take advantage of one aspect of a relationship and fulfill their other desires with a different relationship for example taking advantage of husband A being rich and take advantage of husband B because he’s physically hot both are being taken advantaged of and husband A feels like he’s nothing more than a wallet and husband B feels like he’s nothing more than a dick on top of all that in the US the family court system very heavily favors women so if a girl is not 100% interested in a man it’s quite possible for the man to loose his entire lively hood I will admit this is a pretty male centric take but like I said i haven’t been paying much attention to dating world and i only have the perspective of a man

          • Kedly@lemm.ee
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            2 months ago

            You missed my point. I’m saying that if you’re not specifically in a poly relationship, then non exclusivity is an immediate and automatic relationship contract breach in 99+% of cases. So yes, the cheater isn’t interested in Poly relationships in the vast majority of cases, but I was only bringing poly relationships up because they are a notable exception to non exclusivity being an immediate deal breaker

    • aoidenpa@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      That makes sense but I think real reason is they get off doing something so terrible and evil and immoral. I get it.

  • ynthrepic@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    People aren’t honest enough with each other and their own needs. Meanwhile we build other dependencies in long term relationships that have nothing to do with physical attraction, but are in most cases more important for all kinds of reasons.

    Monogamy is the basis of a lot of unnecessary suffering because it’s resisting a very real need we continue to have even when our relationships become romantically stagnant. If we could all just be honest about it with our SOs without fear, and work together as we do anyway to maintain other commitments to each other, we could have a culture where there’s a lot more freedom to seek more intimacy and love in a way that isn’t dishonest, that isn’t “cheating”.

  • xlash123@sh.itjust.works
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    2 months ago

    Its not the most sensitive info here, but you shouldn’t censor things using non-opaque markings. It’s pretty trivial to throw the image in an editor, crank up the brightness, and see what’s behind the censor in this case. Just wanna let you know in case you happen to do this to some sensitive info

  • sunzu@kbin.run
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    2 months ago

    Cheating is for young people and mentally ill adults who haven’t fixed their impulse control

    Adulting requires making partner and family the priority if you signed for it.

    • faintwhenfree@lemmus.org
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      2 months ago

      I think i disagree on being cheating is for young people. I know plenty of teenagers and young adults that are loyal to a fault.

  • JPSound@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Someone should have told my exwife this handy life hack. Would have saved me untold grief and depression. However, life can throw you a beautiful little surprise after a nightmare. If it wasn’t for that godawful woman, I never would have met the love of my life, the woman who I spent my whole life waiting for and now enjoying what it means to be happily married to my biggest crush, my best friend and waking up right next to her and our little family every morning. I can safely say it was all worth it. It could have been easier to get here but I’d do it again on legendary difficulty if I had to.

  • gmtom@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    I have an baseless theory that people that first has sexual experience when they were young or in strict households and had to sneak around and hide their relationships are more likely to want to chest because the “thrill” of hiding the relationship and tabbooness of it reminds them of their formative sexaul experiences.

  • Aceticon@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Because being adult in age isn’t at all the same thing as being adult in maturity plus often people derive different benefits in different kinds of relationships so they want to keep both going (for example, somebody in his or her 40s happilly married with kids and yet getting excitement and sexual pleasure with a younger lover).

    Also there are often huge social and financial implications to breaking up certain types of relationships or under certain conditions, but people might still be irresistibly drawn to something else, so they play a game to both sides not wanting the costs nor willing to run the risk of losing one to get the other.

    It’s a mix of selfishness, immaturity, cowardice and people changing over time and discovering that the stable relationship they’re in doesn’t fit them (either anymore or they get to a point were they figure out it never trully did)

  • Wxnzxn@lemmy.ml
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    2 months ago

    Yeah, I never understood it either. Either have an open relationship with consent, or communicate whatever needs you have that you want to fulfill by cheating properly, and accept that it may not work out if there is truly no way to meet them. I guess I can at least abstractly understand when it happens spur-of-the moment and under the influence of drugs/alcohol, but I still can’t properly put myself in those shoes.

  • Todd Bonzalez@lemm.ee
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    2 months ago

    Because people desire both romantic companionship and sexual exploration, but society pressures us to choose one or the other, and shames us for even trying to communicate our needs and wants to our partners as a form of selfishness, so we end up doing whatever makes us happy, at the detriment of others’ happiness, when it never had to be that way.

  • Vilian@lemmy.ca
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    2 months ago

    because someone can get stuck in a toxic relationship, not because the person was bad, but was suicidal and had so much issues that you’re afraid that ending it could make them kill themselfs, and you don’t want to hurt them because isn’t their fault, but you don’t want a relatioship anymore

  • dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net
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    2 months ago

    Sometimes ending the relationship will harm third parties, but the core relationship is harmful to one or both of the people in it. In a case like that cheating may be the least bad option.

    • Wilzax@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      ??? That’s not a recipe for cheating, that’s a recipe to either open the relationship or to get law enforcement to help you escape abuse, depending on the situation with your partner. In no way will sleeping with someone else behind your partner’s back and risk them finding out about it help ANYONE involved