• loobkoob@kbin.social
      74·
      5 months ago

      Honestly, most “ugly” people can be reasonably attractive if they get in shape, eat healthily (especially in a way that clears up their skin) and style themselves (clothes, hair, etc) in a way that suits them. Plus finding good angles and lighting for photos/videos, and building up some confidence and charisma for in-person interactions. Those things aren’t necessarily easy and they take patience and commitment, but most people can easily go up a few points on an attractiveness/10 scale if they manage them.

      • someacnt_@lemmy.world
        4·
        5 months ago

        Doesn’t always work. Also this is likely me problem, but how do you get over people being judgemental in gym (about appearance/phyiscal capabilities)? It often scares me off from going to a gym.

        • loobkoob@kbin.social
          4·
          5 months ago

          Doesn’t always work.

          It doesn’t guarantee people are going to look at you and think you’re a 10/10 because some features are out your control, but the difference between being overweight, poorly-dressed with bad skin, bad hair, etc, and being athletic/toned and well-groomed is huge. And while they might seem like superficial things that you feel you shouldn’t have to do for someone to like you, they also boost your confidence which tends to make you more attractive as a personality, too.

          Also this is likely me problem, but how do you get over people being judgemental in gym (about appearance/phyiscal capabilities)? It often scares me off from going to a gym.

          This can definitely take a little while to change your mindset on, but the big thing is just realising that no-one actually cares.

          • people are there to work out, not to judge others;
          • how much do you judge other people in the gym? Very little, I’d assume;
          • even if someone is judging you: so what? Does it actually matter what a stranger who you’ll likely never even see again thinks? You’re there to improve yourself, not to worry about their thoughts;
          • if someone actually comments to you, you can turn it into a positive thing. Tall them you’re new to the gym and would welcome pointers. Most people who’ll talk to you in the gym are just going to be asking “how long are you going to be using that?” or something similar, though;
          • there’s a pretty low chance someone will actually be rude to you, because most people are well aware that everyone starts somewhere, and that if you’re overweight/unfit then being in the gym is you already taking steps to fix that.

          And most of those points apply to a lot of things in life - it’s very liberating when you realise that most people don’t really care about what you’re doing and that you should just do what makes you happy.

          If it helps, you can also do some research before using the gym so you’re confident about how to use the machines and equipment. It removes that “what if I’m using it wrong and everything thinks I look like an idiot?” aspect for you to worry about.

          And if you’re just worried about people judging your weight/fitness, you can exercise outside of the gym. Push-ups, sit-ups, squats, step-ups, etc, are all free and things you can do at home. You can probably find somewhere quiet to go for a run - especially early morning or late evening. Dumbbells are fairly cheap (relative to a gym membership for any extended period of time) and don’t take up much storage space at home; they be used for their own exercises and to enhance other exercises (just adding more weight to your squats, for instance). Resistance bands are another low-cost, low-space option.

          So you can either start off exercising at home until you’re comfortable enough to step into a gym, or just keep working out at home and gradually expand your equipment as you see fit. Obviously some of the larger, more expensive machines you find in gyms have their uses - some of them ensure you’re doing the exercise in a healthy way, some of them allow you to work out multiple muscle groups at once that would otherwise be difficult (like the rowing machine), and some of them let you target specific muscles in specific ways - but the things I mentioned above can take you a long way.

          The two most important things are just being consistent (so try to get into a routine) and making sure you’re doing it for yourself. Obviously we’re talking about it from a perspective of people finding you more attractive if you’re in good shape, but more important than that is doing it because you want to be happy and healthy - if you can become happy and healthy in yourself then other people finding you attractive will follow eventually.

          Anyway, this turned into a bit of an essay but hopefully something I’ve said here has been helpful for you!

          • someacnt_@lemmy.world
            3·
            5 months ago

            Thanks for long and helpful comment! However, I want to point out some things.

            1. I am not overweight, and I care a lot about my hair and skin - I just lack muscles. I bet I am caring enough about my appearance in this sense. I guess my fashion sense might be off, though I try a lot.

            That said, I do seem to lack self-confidence.

            1. Theoretically (I guess in normal society), people do not judge others in gym. Yeah, there will be no reason to care whatsoever abt others, right? Really.

            …except that this is not what happens in my country. People are constantly looking at each other, even strangers, and care and judge about how one appears. This kind of “affection” (apparently) is ingrained in our culture.

            Also, the general line of thought goes: “Oh, overweight person. They are unfit for exercise, why are they here? Sharing the space with them makes me uncomfortable, this is our place!” Imo kind of disgusting, but what can I do?

            That said, it is mostly just (loud) murmuring or talking to each other about the judgement, so I might be able to ignore that. It’s just difficult for me.

            Anyway, sorry for ranting. I will try to do exercise at home and jog a bit!

            • loobkoob@kbin.social
              2·
              5 months ago

              I am not overweight

              I didn’t mean to imply you are overweight, sorry if it came across like that! It’s more just that, besides general anxiety (which isn’t specific to the gym), the main reasons someone might be “gym shy” are because they’re overweight, unfit or unsure of how to use the equipment, so I wanted to touch on all of those things!

              That said, I do seem to lack self-confidence.

              I figured, seeing as you’re anxious about the gym and how people there might judge you, ha! Building confidence can take a long time, and definitely isn’t something that happens overnight. Obviously doing things you can be proud of - working towards a body you’re happy with, work achievements, artistic achievements, etc - can help a lot with building up confidence, but the big thing is working to adjust your perspective of yourself. Try to look at yourself how you look at other people; if you saw someone unfit working out in the gym, would you care? Or would you just have whatever your initial thought is and then move on?

              …except that this is not what happens in my country.

              It can definitely be a little more difficult if it’s ingrained into your culture for people to make a big deal out of things. Probably the best thing you can do - whether there are people around or not - is to listen to music/audiobooks/podcasts. It’s good for exercising anyway because it gives your mind something to focus on while your body does mindless exercises, but it also just lets you shut out other people entirely so it doesn’t matter whether they’re gossiping about you, talking about last night’s episode of whatever TV show, or something else.

              Ultimately, though, trying to avoid basing your self-worth on other people’s opinions is something you should probably try to work towards. Not just because negative opinions can obviously bring you down and harm your self-esteem, but also because if you only feel good when surrounded by people and receiving positive reinforcement from them then it indicates you’re probably not happy with yourself

              Anyway, sorry for ranting. I will try to do exercise at home and jog a bit!

              That’s okay, having a good rant is healthy every now and then! Good luck with the exercise, and try to stick with it, even if you only do a small amount every day!

    • DarkThoughts@fedia.io
      17·
      5 months ago

      Yeah, he looks like an average nerdy type guy. Not the best but also not the worst thing in the world. There’s plenty of people who are into that type.

    • calzone_gigante@lemmy.eco.br
      181·
      5 months ago

      Most people do, they are just comparing themselves with models, celebs or influencers, people that earn a living out of being pretty.

    • unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de
      9·
      5 months ago

      I think if he had gotten braces for his overbite and a nicer pair of glasses before that pic on the left, there wouldnt be anything to really point out at all yeah.

    • EdibleFriend@lemmy.world
      112·
      5 months ago

      For some reason I read that as woman who talked about being ugly? And then I looked and I was like… Yeah I get it that looks like a dude.

      He is extremely normal and average looking.

  • Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    641·
    5 months ago

    There’s a Reddit community I used to visit now and then that was for ugly people. It was so toxic and hateful. These people literally believe that they can never be happy or have a relationship because they think they’re ugly - it’s their entire identity. I worry that many outcasts fall into this trap during their formative years and it warps their view of the world like the gentleman in the video.

    I think that once they get out into the real world, most folks find that looks don’t matter as much as lifestyle, personality, and compatible morals.

    • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
      32·
      5 months ago

      Yeah. Eliot Rodgers was a prime example.

      Honestly I looked weird mid puberty and it took me a long time to learn I’m fairly attractive. I’m not like supermodel hot or anything but it’s fair to say I’m pretty in buffalo. You can always find flaws in the mirror, the people on tv do every day. I choose not to. My wife doesn’t mind them, my girlfriend doesn’t mind them either, and neither do the women I do casual stuff with. I get a lot more benefit from doing other things with my mental energy.

  • Sizzler@slrpnk.net
    451·
    5 months ago

    Moral of the story: If you are ugly and there’s a youtube comments chance to get laid, you take it(even if they have a furry profile photo.)

    • Asafum@feddit.nl
      91·
      5 months ago

      Have you tried dating sites? I can’t even get “ugly” women to respond to me so they must have “better options” reaching out to them or I really am just that undesirable lol

    • Gabu@lemmy.world
      3·
      5 months ago

      Let me tell you a completely unguarded open non-secret: most men will date anything with a pulse, quite literally. I’m not saying you should settle for any scumbag you can find, just that your odds are better than you think.

    • Johanno@feddit.de
      01·
      5 months ago

      As long you are only ugly on the outside, it’s just a matter of getting used to it.

    • endhits@lemmy.world
      14·
      5 months ago

      Being an ugly woman is not nearly the struggle that being an ugly man is. Women who aren’t attractive need to approach at all and they’ll have more success than ugly men who approach twice as often.

  • MacN'Cheezus@lemmy.todayEnglish
    3913·
    5 months ago

    Women out there are still complaining they can find a bf when all they have to do is say something vaguely nice to a guy and he’ll marry you.

  • Omgboom@lemmy.zip
    263·
    5 months ago

    He’s not even ugly, he just needs a better haircut and a tan lol

  • BlackNo1@lemmy.world
    275·
    5 months ago

    most “ugly” people put themselves into a box. take care of yourself, wash your face, brush your teeth, eat somewhat decently, put minimal effort into your appearance, and have a speck of self confidence and you can change your world.

    I know it can be daunting especially if you have legitimate mental health issues that affect how you view yourself but trust me theres very few “ugly” looking people in this world and most of them still make it work by having a good decent personality.

    Most people are ugly because they have a ugly personality.

    • Asafum@feddit.nl
      18·
      5 months ago

      I mean she found him cute so he wasn’t actually ugly.

      I on the other hand get “oh, you looked better from far away.” You want ugly I can show you ugly! Lmao

      Edit: I’d “love” to gross you all out with my picture, but I value being at least somewhat anonymous so I don’t want to link a picture to my username lol

          • Burn_The_Right@lemmy.world
            2·
            5 months ago

            Actually sounds kimda hot to me. Just because you aren’t attracted to you doesn’t mean I won’t be. I guess the trick is finding someone you are also attracted to in return.

            • Asafum@feddit.nl
              3·
              5 months ago

              “much uglier, balding, short”

              “Sounds kinda hot”

              Why can’t people like you live near me!? lmao

              I should say that while I’m not exactly “picky” as in passing over people for superficial things, I also don’t want “just anyone.” So like sure, I could probably pick up a real mess of a person with all sorts of drama, but then I’d be with a mess of a person with all sorts of drama lol

              Edit: Should have said I’m not calling you a mess of a person, just speaking generally lol

          • ma1w4re@lemm.ee
            1·
            5 months ago

            Ouch, balding, yes I get you fam. Also balding in my 23. If you talking about Herman in his youth, honestly he was good looking. So an uglier version of him sounds just average. I’m a very tall guy but that didn’t help me in relationship department so I can’t really judge by height.

        • Asafum@feddit.nl
          2·
          5 months ago

          Mix Peewee Hermans face with Danny devitos hair and height and then imagine that person is actually uglier than just that combo lol

          • Burn_The_Right@lemmy.world
            3·
            5 months ago

            I feel attacked. First of all, both of those guys are hot. Paul Rubens was always hot as fuck in my opinion. Seriously. He’s just my type. And Danny Devito is one of those guys that becomes hot as you get to know him a bit. Then, he becomes a complete fucking stud.

          • someacnt_@lemmy.world
            2·
            5 months ago

            Hard to imagine, also I don’t think that would necessarily be bad-looking. Hard to judge without photographs, would like to ask for one if it’s fine

            • Asafum@feddit.nl
              1·
              5 months ago

              I don’t really know how to do that without it being visible for others, I don’t really want to link my face to my account.

              I know I’ve pretty much given up my general location in comments elsewhere, but I feel like I can be most honest when I have at least some form of anonymity lol

    • phoenixz@lemmy.ca
      121·
      5 months ago

      That’s because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The big point is that you need to get out there, take risks, ask a girl or guy, sometimes get a date, sometimes get rejected… you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

      If you really are out there, go to hobby clubs, be it stamp collection or a gymnasium, or a bar, go places, go meet people. I can’t talk for you of course but in my experience most people with the “nobody wants me!” problem never go out. How is anyone to like you if nobody knows you exist?

      It’s like being a website. Get your ass on google, Facebook, Reddit, whatever. If nobody can find your site, your site may as well not exist.

      And just to be clear: Being rejected sucks. But it’s part of life and you move on. Don’t try to date Ana de Armas right away, and complain that no girl wants you. Date normal guys and or gals, ideally with People that share your likes and values. Don’t settle for the first person who you date, find out what you like, find out what you hate but FFS, find out! Go out, do something, don’t just sit inside.

      • gmtom@lemmy.world
        54·
        5 months ago

        Honestly I would rather be lonely than be the guy that makes women uncomfortable by hitting on them.

        • Gabu@lemmy.world
          95·
          5 months ago

          There’s a significant gap between thinking “she’s cute, I’ll ask if she’s available” and catcalling while trying to molest her.

    • Echo Dot@feddit.uk
      71·
      5 months ago

      Most ugly people are not really ugly, they just need a haircut and a higher quality webcam.

  • someacnt_@lemmy.world
    11·
    5 months ago

    One posts about experience of being ugly

    Look into it

    Freaking average

    Lmao, ffs. Are people teasing us who really struggle in day-to-day life?

  • dezmd@lemmy.worldEnglish
    102·
    5 months ago

    Self Confidence.

    You can be or feel ugly, skinny, fat, short, tall, average, and even stupid, but if you have self confidence, you will overcome and adapt whether shortcomings are self perceptions or others’ initial perceptions of you.

    That said, don’t abuse this superpower, because being an asshole is the real ugly.