That’s it
Yes. I’m a guy, and I would love to get a girl’s take on this.
Do you think Fermi’s “Great Filter” is not necessarily that a civilization destroys itself, but that it discovers a way to destroy the Universe?
Like, maybe the fabric of our reality is more fragile than we realize, and the reason we don’t see “aliens” is that the universe doesn’t get old enough for intelligent life to meet.
Of course, this assumes we are in a statistically “average” Universe, since presumably there could be a Universe in which intelligent life co-evolves within the same solar system.
I’ve always felt like a lot of the assumptions in Fermi’s Great Filter feels off. Like, the way we talk about “intelligent life” feels iffy, both in astrophysics and other fields. I’m not great at articulating this, but if you’re one for video essays, Dr Fatima Abdurrahman recently made a video that captured much of what I’d struggled to say on this. (https://youtu.be/_tw0aqmnmaw)
I can’t guarantee I’ll watch that video, but I can guarantee I intend to watch it when I can.
Generally speaking, though, I do agree that most people’s idea of “intelligence” is very anthro-centric, if that’s what you mean.
No pressure to watch the video, especially as not everyone enjoys consuming content in that form.
Anthrocentrism is part of what I mean, especially if we consider that historically, colonialism has had a lot of power to draw the line between who “counts” as fully human or not. A depressingly common motif is the cyclical logic of “this is what we understand human intelligence to be” -> “these people do not have the signifiers of human intelligence that we understand” -> “therefore these people aren’t intelligent” -> (those people are less likely to be considered as the general understanding of ‘intelligence’ expands and evolves).
Yeah, the sociological side of “quantified” intelligence has a whole host of issues.
Personally, I think you’re really close to the answer but with an important distinction. The great filter is an hyper aggressive species that does not want to deal with a potential cold war with a different species with technology as advanced as their own. They already launched their doomsday armageddon weapon at us after detecting our existence, probably from something like our farthest satille, Voyager 1.
It could take generations for the bomb heading to our sun or stealth asteroid heading directly for us to actually connect. But it’s arguably in their best interest not to even chance us becoming militarily on par with them.
Statistically there is alien life out there somewhere, and whichever one got to interplanetary weapons first would have everything to lose by allowing an equal to exist.
My question for you is, why do you want a female perspective on this? Idk, doesn’t seem like something that gender would effect.
No offense intended, but do you identify as male? I can’t even be having this conversation if you do.
😂
I do not. Heck, the thread is about asking the other sex, I wouldn’t have answered if I was a dude.
Phew okay. In that case, I do agree that a hyper-aggressive species could be the Filter, though it’s worth noting that our radio signals have actually reached further than our furthest probe, so I would go off that when doing round-trip destruction calculations. I love Mass Effect’s take on this idea (though I haven’t played 3).
As for why I asked women: Mostly because I thought the non-sequitur was funny.
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You mean like what if species at a certain level of development start fucking around with zero point energy and trigger false vacuum decay?
Actually it’s entirely possible it’s already happened. There are lots of galaxies so far away their light will never reach us if it’s emitted now, and vacuum decay travels at the speed of light AFAIK
Nonbinary btw
That’s exactly what I mean. Like, even if a civilization set out at near-light speed a long time before triggering a vacuum decay, the decay would just catch up to them and wipe them out before they could reach us. It’s a theory absolutely rife with holes, but it’s an interesting possibility.
I’ll gladly accept nonbinary!
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I believe that science, math, are more inextricably linked to philosophy than people tend to think.
While my idea is particularly half-cocked, the Great Filter theory is an important question for us as a species to answer. If evidence ever came to light that there is some challenge awaiting us that could wipe out our species, it would behoove us to at least be aware that such a challenge exists - even without necessarily knowing any specifics.
I gotta admit, I really wanted to like 3BP on Netflix, but imo they added way too much “personal drama”. It’s like they intended to sprinkle it on and the lid came off the container lol. It was worth it just to see the ship though.
Fyi, math and science is philosophy. Science is how philosophy started to actually get answers to the questions it was asking(the scientific method) and math is one of the languages it did it through. The Cult of Pythagoras was a group that believed all answers could be found through numbers and math.
Philosophy helped birth both of those fields.
Agreed. I was never a “math kid”, so when I got to university, I was very surprised that a large part of what I learned in my math courses was actually philosophy.
That shift in paradigm instantly made me interested in math, weirdly enough. Turns out I love math, I’m just not a fan of numbers, haha.
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I think the intent was humor, where the question was weird because it had nothing to do with gender or experiences related to a particular gender
Have you got any weird questions for the opposite gender?
You should join the circus with that incredible skill at leaping.
All my questions can’t really be answered by just asking another person. I wanna know what it feels like to have their plumbing. Words aren’t enough though. I want to experience it. At least for a day.
I too thought I invented The Button
For the males:
Could you imagine being in a relationship with a woman who takes on the “masculine role,” i.e. taking you out, taking initiative, being the breadwinner, protecting you, etc?
Asking because I’ll forever be searching for a man who wants this type of relationship. I don’t know. Reversed roles are sexy, sue me.
I promise a lot of men want this.
I hope you’re right. I keep daydreaming about taking my future man out to dinner, spoiling him, going on shopping trips with him. Feels like people don’t believe me when I say this, like it’s so crazy for a woman to want it. Oh well. :’) Maybe my guy’s out there somewhere.
I feel like many guys want that but don’t want to accept it
That’s exactly right I think. I think some guys can get pretty defensive when you suggest a trade of roles of some kind (woman pays the bill; man feels offended because he believes she thinks he isn’t man enough to pay for them?).
Uh, yes, definitely. A lot of guys would like this.
I’m okay with this as long as the attitude is loving and not demeaning. But I’d probably need her to be okay with it being a level playing field, and her being fine with me leading when I feel I need to.
I was once in a relationship with a woman who didn’t know how to hand off the reigns. It was tiring. But I’d love to date someone who is confident enough to switch roles whenever each other needs to.
Yes and it sounds pretty good to me, although I’d draw the line at pegging 🫠
I would be surprised if there weren’t men that enjoyed or wanted this role - even if few admitted it.
To answer your question,. absolutely! In an equal relationship, you’d kinda expect it now and again for the small wins in your life. In a relationship where someone wishes to play the more dominant role it can shift.
Sure. At least I don’t think I will be salty about having the inferior wage.
Dunno about the protection part though. I would personally hope that even the weaker partner would shield me from bad things as well as the strong partner.Yes. There would certainly be some friction points, but I’d much rather take care of my home and family instead of working.
I took care of our young kids for a fortnight “instead of working” when my wife was rushed to hospital. It was far more exhausting than doing the day job. I don’t know how single parents cope at all.
I’m sorry that you lived through that.
Kids take a lot of energy when everything is going well, so I can imagine the added stress plus no support from your partner make this situation extra hard.
I was thinking more in a normal scenario where my partner still help, but isn’t the primary caretaker of the kids and home.
But yeah, taking care of kids alone and working? A feat of resilience for sure.
Hey!
Those are good behaviors regardless of whether they are considered masculine or feminine. In my mind femininity is inclusive of the strong beauty archetype. A highly capable person can be both a great leader and a great follower depending on the context.
To an extent this is my marriage. My wife and I both own our own companies. Mine is much more established and therefore offers me some leeway on my in office time (I’m an accountant). This means I often spend more time taking care of our children. I also cook, make grocery store trips, clean (to an extent), etc. She still helps around the house which isn’t ad much as it used to be. But I see her working her ass off so I don’t complain.
As for protecting me…no. I’m a pretty large dude. 6’3" 250. So unfortunately when things go bump in the night ya boi gets to go investigate.
I’m a bi man and love masculine women and feminine men. So having the typical roles switched sounds like a dream
I’m a bi woman. I think this checks out.
Absolutely. My partner and I have traded those roles more than once.
I Would LOVE THAT
I haven’t gone so far as “let’s completely switch roles, you be the man and I’ll be the woman. You pay at restaurants and when something goes bump in the night I’ll sit here in bed holding the blanket to my chest while you go downstairs with the baseball bat.” Never occurred to me.
I used to think I’d like it if women would approach me, ask me out, initiate sex, that sort of thing. Until a few of them tried. To put it mildly, there seems to be a widespread moderation problem. To put it bluntly, I have heard more women say “rape me” than “hey would you like to go out with me sometime?” It’s either that or “hints.” “Hints” aren’t hints, they’re intentionally failed attempts at communication.
When most of the women I’ve been with just outright ignored questions like “what do you like in bed?” “What do you want to do?” “Do you like that?” it makes me stop trusting them. “I don’t know I’m a repressed farm girl from a rural county in a red state, I was taught that enjoying sex isn’t something I’m physically capable of doing” is something I can work with at least in theory. But “Do you like that?” and it doesn’t even register on her face that I’ve spoken…that screams “I’m using sex against you” louder than her voice ever could.
So yeah any fantasy of a woman who takes an active role was dumped in the same mass grave as my fantasy of flying an X-wing. I’m grown up enough now to know that these things just can’t exist in the real world. In the real world I’ve had women that sometimes said “maybe I guess” and I’ve flown a few Cessnas and LSAs.
Follow-up question for anybody who might stumble upon it:
What are your thoughts on women doing the proposing? Would you mind it, personally?
That’s my dream, and I actually had such relationships in the past.
For all intents and purposes, there are actually more men than women who want that, so you’re on a great side of it!
Just look for role reversal/female-led relationships, or even in gentle femdom communities (though the latter is sexual, the community of it highly intersects with the other two).
Although I don’t really want a relationship with anybody again, but hypothetically this wouldn’t bother me at all.
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Male here. Is it true that sometimes farts unexpectedly head north and get lost in the caverns of the bubblegum forest?
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Farts are also varied for guys, I suppose depending on diet. But yeah, the hot ones are equal parts disturbing and satisfying.
Yes, this is true.
Damn. My condolences.
What did you think the Willy Wonka factory was based on? That liquid brown river wasn’t chocolate…
I’ve heard these referred to as “exiting through the gift shop”
Lost is a bit strong, it goes exploring and is politely but firmly removed by the kegal Captains.
Bubblegum forest
This cracked me up
Agree with sparkles.
Eyup
Is there any way for a man to compliment a woman in public without it coming across as weird, or an attempt to hit on her?
Or should I just not do that in general?I’ve always been told the best thing to do is stick to complimenting things that are their choices.
Not great: That outfit makes you look good!
It’s you coming off as being interested in their physical appearance, not the outfit.
Better: That’s an awesome T-shirt! Where did you find that?
It’s you thinking they picked out something cool or stylish and you like their taste in outfits. You’re putting the attention on something they did, not anything about them appearance-wise.
Especially if they don’t know you, odds are they have no desire to hear a stranger’s opinion on their looks. That’s too personal. But a stranger agreeing with their decision on something like buying something cool generally isn’t.
Of course, some people are more or less open to any conversation with someone they don’t know, so if you still get ignored or get looked at like a creep, you don’t know their background and you respect that and don’t persist.
A good rule to go by is if you’re a guy, think of a guy coming up to you and saying the same thing or you saying what you’re going to say to another guy. If you wouldn’t tell another bro that he looks good wearing that, maybe don’t do that to a girl. If you see a guy wearing a band shirt of a group you like though, you’d probably be ok saying “whoa, I love that band too!” or you’d be cool with some random dude telling you the same.
You shouldn’t be afraid to talk to people, but you should always be respectful and keep in mind how well you know them and keep conversation at that level of appropriateness.
In addition to this, I’ve heard people say to do ‘drive by compliments’. If you’re not trying to start up a conversation or don’t want the person to worry about a conversation, you can drop the compliment right as you’re about to leave the situation. It has its downsides as well
This has been my strategy. I like to compliment people because I can remember the few times it’s happened to me, but I’m not trying to creep anyone out. Mostly stuff like “awesome shirt!” or “hey, sweet hat”. Never “nice cock, bro”. And never with the intention of starting a conversation. Mostly like passing by someone and pointing “excuse me, love the boots.”, then keep on truckin’ by.
Heh i have a couple stories.
At costco picking up hotdogs for the crew, get back to car and notice older (60+) lady with Doc Martins on (i figure shes an old hippie but doesnt really matter) so i tell her i love your big stompy boots! And because of her style i add, “you may not but i think you would love Jon Fluevog shoes” she thanks me and says she has a couple pairs and loves them but doesnt wear them every day so they last longer.
Pleasant 45 second interaction.
At a music festival in victoria bc watching a metal band called Malahat, see a younger woman wearing the same colour converse shoes im wearing standing next to me, bamd pauses and i tell her she has terrible taste is shoes as im looking down and pointing to my own shoes. She was confused for a moment then laughed loudly enough security looked my way.
Have used the shoe bit a couple times stuck in close quarters (elevators hallways transit etc) a few times not always successfully but usually it goes over well when they notice im wearing the same shoes.
Sometimes i have to explain it was just an intentionally bad joke(i do love a bad pun and a good dad joke) but rarely usually is well received. But thats literally all i intend and it usually happens in passing.
(Middleaged white guy beardo)
It has its downsides as well
Leaving a bar to catch a train and I did this when closing my tab. Ended up in a conversation and missing my train.
Yes I like this! When people (even random strangers) compliment an external thing and it reflects something like a mutual interest that can be pretty cool. Especially if it’s a fellow metalhead.
I approve this message.
Not really, to be honest. Unless it’s an event or venue where there is that expectation. Most of us just want to go about our business in general. I would say the first reason is just wanting to be left alone to do what we planned to do at any given time. Secondly, people don’t always take no for an answer. At best, it’s just another bother. At worst, it can be potentially scary. Hope this helps.
I love compliments! So long as it’s not an attempt to start a conversation, if you think I’m pretty say so! But please don’t expect me to say anything besides “thank you” and keep walking.
The only time I would rather a guy didn’t is if I am forced to stay in the area. If we are in a elevator or waiting room, don’t make it awkward because I’m absolutely not gonna reciprocate or set up a date with someone I don’t know.
That’s basically been my experience as a “guy” too. I’ve given tons of compliments to random passing women and never once had it received poorly. The problem a lot of guys have is that their idea of a compliment is telling a woman she’s got nice tits as a pretense to engage in conversation. Usually with the end goal of getting a date.
The other person who you replied to makes good points - it’s always going to be context dependent and it drives me mad when I’m out and about and have so many signals projecting “leave me alone” (such as wearing headphones, being on the phone, studying etc.) and a guy hits on me.
However, if someone is generally approachable, I’ve found that the best compliments are on something the person has consciously chosen about their appearance. So stuff like graphic t-shirts (especially band t shirts), hair styles (I love people with dyed hair because this presents to me an easy option for compliments).
Not without another reason to be talking to her. If she’s charging with you on the bus for a minute, go for it. But if she’s walking past you on the street, keep it to yourself
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Your last sentence seems a bit judgemental and insulting since they specifically noted they were asking about giving a compliment when NOT trying to meet women (hit on them). But perhaps im mistaken why you included that(which will be just confusion on my end then)
Your points put into words things ive done but never really realized it or would have been able to explain.
I say this because i have complimented tattoos on more than a few occasions and i have rarely noticed an uncomfortable reaction (i judge this by the fact that they talk about the tatoo ive mentioned for longer than i spoke words).
I am fascinated by what people choose to permanently put on their body. There are often very meaningful reasons for it, but not as rarely as i would have thought it is a very quick spur of the monent decision. Most of the time this happens at a check out/til in a store.
I will typically just make a comment about the work itself, not about the placement(unless its on a spot ive been told is very painful as many people have such different experiences, “ive been told that is a tender spot for a tattoo” or some such. But its an honest question because i have been told that)
Common things that prompt me to comment are striking/vibrant colours, im curious how old the tattoo is as some colours are prone to fading badly Or very clean and clear lines, especially when they are delicate or just very thin.
I have a specific reason or curiosity which prompts me or i dont say something which i think is why i seem to be able to successfully give compliments/comments to strangers in public. But ill also compliment guys in public as well for the same reasons/circumstances and im definately not attempting to hit on or pick up guys(ide be flattered if a guy thought i was hitting on him though)
Friday i told the teller at the bank when asked if there was anything else she could do i told her to tell her coworker(who was on the phone behind her) that she was a jerk because her shirt(blouse?) made me want lemonade (white shirt with a repeating lemon print, wasnt sure what it was and took me a bit of looking at it to figure out what it was, but had the time while the teller was processing my deposit)
Of course both of the bank people know my first name as ive been there before and i used the person’s name.
I maybe would have said something like that without having met them before, but it would really depend on the scenario and environment. Likely i would have said nothing if there wasnt enough time to explain if it wasnt received well, which isnt always the case in public.
A stranger? No.
Yes. Why can’t those of us with a vajayjay join you guys in the Freemasons? Are you talking about us in there, or what do you do in there?
Freemasons also don’t let atheists in. Was a hard pass from me at that point. I’m not faking belief in some deist creator god just to join in their weird rituals and bridge clubs.
Same for me and the Moose.
Yeah I don’t believe in any Meese either
A Møøse once bit my sister
To tell the truth, it’s a complex question, like “why are there no female Christian priests”. Christianity is a wide thing, with lots of subdivisions. So is freemasonry.
Why no woman ? There are historical reasons: a founding text (Anderson’s Constitution) states that to be a Freemason, you have to be a free man. There are also old initiation rituals (a bit like a Masonic baptism) where the person is bare-chested. For traditionalists, this forever excludes women. This is particularly the case in the Anglo-Saxon world. Traditinnalists also often exclude atheists, LGBTQIA+ people, etc.
But worldwide, there are also progressive lodges, mixed or even feminine (which accept male visitors, but do not initiate men). I live in Europe, and in my loge we are about 10 men and 20 women. Lots of us are social workers, teachers, nurses or public servants. Lots of us are atheists or agnostics. Some of us are gay, lesbian or bi.
About what we do, one more time: it depends. The main idea is to have philosophical questionings, based on ritual and symbolism (A bit like a religious person who uses a holy text to nourish their philosophical reflections). All lodges also have charities, because the aim of Freemasonry is to improve oneself in the hope of making the world a better place.
But some progressive lodges (like mine) go further and are places for reflection on society, in a place where everyone can share their point of view without being cut off (this is an absolute rule) and without judgment.
In these lodges, all kinds of issues of social progress are discussed, including feminist issues. But also topics like the defense of democracy, the right to a dignified end of life, the impact of AI on the job market, ecology, the rise of the far right, and so on.
In men’s lodges (I sometimes go as a visitor), even the progressive ones, there’s very little talk of women in my experience. Except at communal meals, where you can hear the same mysogynistic remarks as in any all-male group (ewww, imho)
If that’s the gist of it, why does it tend to be secretive? It doesn’t strike me as the kind of thing that would inspire people to be low-profile about.
There are many reasons for secrecy.
Showing that you know how to keep a secret shows that you’re trustworthy.
There are also certain rites of passage that are more striking if you don’t know what to expect (but it’s always benevolent).
Also, as it’s a place where speech is totally free, it makes it easier to open up. For example, if we’re having a discussion about LGBTQIA+ rights, I can share my experiences as a bi person to enrich the discussion, and I don’t have to worry about being outed.
Finally, in Europe, the memory of Nazi persecution is still vivid, and today’s far right hates us too. Secrecy, or at least discretion, is a protection.
But I have to admit that it raises suspicions and feeds conspiracy theories. So secrecy has its downside
There are all female lodges though.
Everything I’ve read about the Freemasons has been clearly written by people who hate freemasons, I mean… I don’t keep going past the obvious tell, but I’ve been inside looking out on a my own strange outsider culture so, I just can’t take haters at face value. As far as I can tell. It’s a club.
Why don’t some of you high five me when I get drunk? When I’m drunk enough, I highfive EVERYONE on the street! Never been high five rejected by a guy on the bar crawl, and some women are happy to high five…but some get defensive, and reserved, like they think my hand is poison!
Y U NO HIGH FIVE???
The only people that have ever high fived me are assholes that put all their strength into it. Then my hand burns in pain for the next 30 minutes. I don’t want more abuse from another drunk asshole .
Are you male or female? Males, yeah, that’s how we high five. Females I go waaaaaay lighter on. Like a fist bump with your palm. The same way you’d high five a kid basically.
Males, yeah, that’s how we high five.
No, we don’t.
Females I go waaaaaay lighter on. Like a fist bump with your palm.
And the intended recipients are all psychic and can tell that your delivery will be different than every other drunk high-fiver they’ve previously encountered. Right?
Dude everyone hates your high fives. Everyone. Penis or no. You over aggressive high fivin’ fool. (I mean this mostly in jest, if it stings for 30min you’re a wuss)
…I mean…I don’t high five them with my penis. Wait, have I been doing high fives wrong???
In my case it’s because often even the slightest bit of humor or attention or willingness to play along with the bit gets me way more unwanted attention than I bargained for. If I respond like a person wanting to have a little fun with another person and it gets me treated like a thing they can now win and possess, the genuine human interaction has been tainted by the implication that it wasn’t genuine, there was always a motive and, because I played along, I’m now not a person to be interacted with, I’m a thing to be owned. I’d rather just not do the thing if that’s one of the possible outcomes. And yeah, that’s why I tend to not go out anymore.
I see you’ve met the guy who thinks that being horny and talking to a hot lady equals the lady being attracted to him… Sorry for your burden. I wish men were less like that
After I got a little older and past that weird age when it reverses and women are in the highest peak of their sexuality and men are half way out the door, I really started to hate these interactions. I feel like now I understood how every pretty girl felt about me when I bothered them. Not in a horrible creepy way, don’t worry I give up super easily. I always take no for an answer.
You are taking a high five for WAAAAAAY more than what it is. I’m just high fiving people left and right, celebrating having a night out.
Nobody is trying to “win” you, or own you, or get one over on you. By the time I’ve high fived you, I’ve already high fived you…and then I’m high fiving the next person. Without further context, I’m not sure what you mean by you getting more attention than you want, or how that happens. I’m high fiving about 8 people in about 3 seconds, and then running to the next group. Within about 10 seconds the interaction is over, so I’m highly confused by what you’re talking about.
But she has no way to know that, and a lifetime of evidence to suggest that your attitude isn’t the universal male perspective. Since she doesn’t know you personally, the risk outweighs whatever benefit she gets from the high five.
I think I know what the user means. Trust me (yeah sure random internet person), you have no idea how often the most innocuous stuff gets used as an opening, a justification to keep bothering someone. Some guy asks for the time? Suddenly he also wants to know your name and do you want to have a drink? Some guy asks where x building is? Oh well, have you lived here long? I’m new here, maybe we could get together? Or it’s “does this tram go to x station?” and then, fuck, you’re stuck in a moving tram without an easy escape and the guy keeps asking why he can’t have your phone number, even though you already said no and then you lied about having a boyfriend, but still he won’t give up. Playing along with someone, being nice, trying to help them with innocuous stuff, 8 out of 10 times it doesn’t end there at all.
Before I get a bunch of downvotes: No, it’s not every guy. We know it’s not every guy. But most of us don’t want to sit through 6 creeps just on the off-chance of meeting a nice person. It’s just not worth it. And yes, it’s always guys who do this. I’ve never had a woman following me after giving her directions. I’ve never had a woman keep pushing me after I said no (and I’m sure they exist, crappy women exist, but usually I feel perfectly safe responding to women - so sue me, confirmation bias).
Edit: Just to respond to your specific situation. I think I might have given you the high five if you’d been at it for a little bit and I’d seen you do it to everyone else and not acting like a creep. The fact that it’s a bar scene and a social environment makes it all a little easier, imo. Most of my examples, real experiences btw, always happen in non-social scenes, like when going to work, or while doing groceries, etc. So in your case, I probably would have. But just to point out: it wasn’t about you personally, basically a bunch of creeps ruined it for you.
I know it’s not all men, every woman knows it’s not all men. But I think the best analogy I ever heard for describing the way women need to treat men as a whole is the same way people should treat guns. In gun safety class they teach you to treat every gun like it is loaded until you are certain it’s not, and even then it is always better to act with caution. I heard stories of my great uncle who was cleaning his rifle and he “knew for a fact without a doubt that it was unloaded” and he blew a hole through his foot and the floor. I’d rather not blow a hole in my foot because someone said a gun was unloaded and I just trusted them without double-checking. I’d rather not interact with a man I don’t know so I can avoid getting harassed or hurt. The best advice for men, according to my guy friends that I have that I trust to treat women with respect and back them up in situations where they are uncomfortable, is: call other men on their shit. If a man is harassing a woman when she’s said no, if a man is following a woman, if they are “just talking” but she looks super uncomfortable and he is encroaching on her personal space, interfere. Walk up, ask if she is okay, ask if you can get an authority for her. If the guy then becomes irritated with you for getting in the way, don’t back down. Get between him and the woman and tell her she can get somewhere safe. If it’s in a parking garage tell her she can get to her car and drive away, If it’s at a bar tell her she can go to the bartenders or the bouncer and ask for help. If it’s a guy friend of yours and you see them behaving that way, call them out and tell them to stop. It’s uncomfortable, it could lose you a friendship, but if no one calls men on their behavior, if MEN don’t call other men on their behavior, the men who don’t think women are people and deserve respect will never stop behaving that way. Because if only women are telling them what they’re doing is wrong, they will never listen. Because they don’t consider women people. And when I say they don’t consider women people I don’t mean they think they’re animals, they just actually don’t believe women have autonomy, have minds of their own and the ability to say no and mean it and have that decision for themselves be respected. “No means yes” is a way for men to convince themselves that women aren’t capable of making decisions for themselves and that you need to take control of them FOR them because they are incapable of making their own decisions. If you would like women to stop being afraid of men then men need to tell each other that the behavior that causes women to be afraid of them is unacceptable.
Just to be clear, this is not meant to be an admonition to you. You asked why we don’t high five, I gave you an answer. My answer didn’t seem to click for you as a valid thing that made sense so I’m trying to explain the reasoning behind it more thoroughly so you can actually understand where women are coming from. You might not be a bad person, but if we’re not sure we’re not going to interact with you because how can we possibly know?
I know it doesn’t feel good to be treated like a loaded weapon when you are just trying to be a happy person. But before you respond in denial of my perspective, because it hurts you to have people be afraid of you when you didn’t do anything wrong, think of how it would feel to have a gun pointed in your face and for you to have no idea if it’s loaded or not. Can you blame women for shutting down or for shutting you down when confronted with that possiblity?
What the other commenter said, about it being more likely for women to respond in kind if you’ve been doing it with all the other people and it’s a social setting, is true, but instead of being persistent if someone chooses not to high five you, instead smile and switch to a thumbs up and then just move on. The less of a problem you make of it when a woman decides not to interact with you the safer you will be to the women around you and the less likely you will be to be treated like a weapon.
I hope this helps you understand my perspective a little better, I hope this gives you some understanding the next time you feel shut down for seemingly no reason, and, most especially, I hope this helps you see the behavior of other men from the viewpoint of women and that you decide to help keep women safe when they feel uncomfortable.
Thanks for taking the time to ask, and thanks for taking the time to read my responses.
I’m a no touching person, and no amount of drunk will stop me from being a no touching person.
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What??? I’m not hitting people. I’m giving high fives.
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I usually run up to the guys first yelling “HIGH FIIIIIIIVE!!! HIGH FIIIIIIIIVE!!!” And then just high five them, and then their buddies, and then their ladies. Surprisingly enough, if the ratio is 1:1, thats when I get the most female rejection. If the ratio is off in either direction, thats when I get the cool women. The ones who are just as excited as I am.
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Seriously, this is like lightweight man or bear.
💯 💯 💯 💯 💯
The privilege of not having to be on guard while out around drunk people.
This exact scenario sounds threatening and like a total buzz kill. You need to understand that being out in a bar situation is a little vulnerable for women for obvious reasons, how am I supposed to know the guy coming up yelling to do a thing is safe? This could turn scary so dang quick. I get that you are just trying to be friendly and personable, but if I don’t know you then I would absolutely be taking a step back and wish you hasn’t done that.
I can’t speak for all women, but you asked. I’m not even remotely suprsied that this isn’t something other women don’t reciprocate. I think maybe you should reconsider doing this.
Lots of men, especially drunk ones, have sweaty palms
Nonbinary btw
Moms spaghetti!
Because idc what you are feeling, I don’t want to touch a random drunk guy. Sorry, not sorry.
Oh, so it was you who walked past me last week downtown and was trying to get me to high-five you while shouting “HEY” at me repeatedly while I was trying to unlock my bicycle.
Uhhhhhhh…
shifty eyes
Noooooooooooo, that TOTALLY wasn’t meeeeee…but I hear that guy is awesome!
Ladies, I’m partially physically disabled, stuck laying down 80% of the time, and rarely ever leave a home. Still in my 30’s, but actually fit and don’t look half bad by most accounts. However, I’ll never get better physically. If there is someone out there for everyone, who is out there for me? Can you convince me to believe you, as I’m totally resigned to solitude.
I truly hope you find someone mate.
Not a woman but I’m still gonna give you the only advice I can: never ever give up as that is the only option that has a guaranteed outcome. If you are as awesome in person as you seem, I’m both rooting for you and a believer in your future.
I’m a lesbian and my partner is also partially disabled. She manages her conditions but as far as we know, it’s as good as it will get. (I have chronic issues too but I am typically mobile.)
We like to game together. We watch movies together. She also games with her friends and I go out and do other more physically demanding activities with my own friends. We like to discover new food and talk about politics.
We found that our sense of humor and morality aligns well and we enjoy each other’s company. That and the fact that she was independent drew me to her.
Good luck out there.
You might be able to meet someone in a MMORPG. If not the escapism of creating a character and exploring a new world could be appealing.
I met my partner online a few years ago. He is 40’s but similar situation to you. Don’t give up.
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I’m a woman and this is pretty close to my entire life. After suffering a dog attack I can’t really walk anymore and it’s a struggle to do a lot of basic household tasks. I too was also pretty skeptical I would ever find a relationship, but it’s been over two years with my girlfriend and she is wonderfully supportive. We divide up house work based around what I can do and is always checking in if I’m feeling up to doing something.
All I’m saying is you can’t give up hope. Women exist who are okay with our situations, you’ll find her sooner or later. :)
I refuse to believe this is a real comment, nice bait
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I can not answer why, but I’ve been told I do it too.
And wake up holding my junk a lot of the time.
A lot of the times it’s definitely to reposition balls.
So sometimes not because it’s comfortable per se (and it is), but because doing it avoids possible discomfort, I guess.
Also, morning wood. What’s that about? What’s the benefit of getting an erection when we wake up? O.o
morning wood
When we sleep our body releases hormones that encourages blood flow in our body. Better blood flow means boner.
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Yeah this is an answer I’ve heard, but it’s sort of generalised.
I’d like a every detailed medical explanation on why it happens specifically when waking up.
It’s the wrong answer. Also, it’s not just when you wake up - it’s at various times during the night. The real answer is the sacral nerve: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/men-get-morning-erections-5-answers-questions
You’ll notice them in the morning most because a) you’re awake and b) you’ve had several hours for your bladder to fill, probably enough that you need to relieve it. This puts physical pressure on the sacral nerve, causing the erection. In turn, the erection closes the sphincter to the bladder more tightly because getting urine in the vagina during sex would change the pH and possibly kill sperm you have deposited/will deposit, which makes not tightening that sphincter an evolutionarily disadvantageous trait. This does make it something of a self-reinforcing cycle, though.
Well yeah, it’s just during the night in general. Hell I’m not even awake in the mornings, lol.
This puts physical pressure on the sacral nerve, causing the erection. In turn, the erection closes the sphincter to the bladder more tightly because getting urine in the vagina during sex would change the pH and possibly kill sperm you have deposited/will deposit, which makes not tightening that sphincter an evolutionarily disadvantageous trait. This does make it something of a self-reinforcing cycle, though.
Exactly what I was asking for, thank you.
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Glad it helped! For what it’s worth I always thought it had to do with vasodilation, but I decided to double-check before posting 😅
I think it’s common, but not universal. I sleep on my side hugging a 2nd pillow. That’s the most comfortable for me. When I wake up in a weird position, it’s on my back with arms splayed out like a gunshot victim.
I sleep weird, on my side, top leg extended forward parallel to my torso and bent at the knee, and bottom leg straight as to follow my torso. My foot of my top leg is often positioned touching the upper part of my bottom leg as to make a triangle.
In maintaining this position I find my manhood is free, in failing this I often cup.
Reason why: its uncomfortable to have my privates sticking to my legs, or squished between my legs
Also I sleep nude might help explain the weirdness.
A man of class.
I’ve never consciously done this, but I have woken up many times in such a position so, I have no idea it must be some instinctual comfort position
In the rare occasion I wear something to bed, I’ve never done this. If I’ve done it in my sleep, I don’t recall waking up that way or anyone ever commenting on it. My wife will sometimes sit with her hand in her pants on the sofa, kinda like Al Bundy.
Sweat. When it’s hot and humid in particular, a little bit of lift prevents uncomfortable sweat buildup where the scrotum meets the legs.
It’s comfortable. If it’s winter it’s also warm to keep your hands close to your body.
If you have a guy in your life that you are intimate with, try it out. Hang out on the couch cuddled up to him and give the boys a hand cuddle. You can also do him a favor and check for lumps while you are there.
It’s definitely comfy 😂
Don’t think I sleep so, but do it after waking up for sure,
As to why - no idea.
You assume I sleep with pants on to put my hands down.
Naked and fancy-free’s the way to be!
Using your belt/waistband is a comfortable and good way of stopping your arms dangling and flopping around while you relax/sleep.
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I’m a guy.
Question: on several intimate occasions with more than a few partners I have notice partners will cup my pecks…
It makes me feel self-conscious and would like to know why some of you cup pecks? 🫠
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As a bisexual: it’s the same reason I’d want to touch a partner’s boobs: because chest sexy
Maybe they’re bi? Maybe they think guys like it too? I feel the same way about women who go after nipples. That does literally nothing for me.
To be fair, as a woman, my partner playing with my nipples does nothing for me either. They’re just about as sensitive as fondling my tummy would be, or my outer elbow. can you imagine someone playing with your belly pudge to feel particularly arousing? I just kinda figure it’s not for me. Since guys just love touching boobs so much, I just kinda let em play. They are fun to squish around I guess, like jello. I may very well be in the minority in this, it is just my personal experience. Actually, funnily enough, the inner elbow is more sensitive to me than my boobs are. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
can you imagine someone playing with your belly pudge to feel particularly arousing?
You say that as if that isn’t a common kink.
I… Did not realize that, though maybe I should have.
Maybe in a minority, but definitely not alone. I agree completely. Does absolutely nothing for me when someone touches my breasts, like at all. They may as well just been touching my back or my arm. Nothing erotic about it. But you know, it’s not like it’s particularly unpleasant either, so I guess, who cares? At least they like it. :p Well, as long as they’re not trying to actually pinch or bite my nipples because that’s very uncomfortable, and at certain points during my cycle it’s downright painful.
Lots of guys do…
Yeah there’s one that I’ve wondered for a while now. Awhile back, I found out that women don’t have prostates but they can still feel pleasure from that hole. How can they feel pleasure from that hole if they don’t have a prostate?
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Women have skene glands which develop from the same cells as the male prostate.
There’s lots of nerves there. Gotta relax and it’s different but can be good. It’s definitely a collaborative effort.
Not female, but my guess would be that since women have what is effectively the same as the head of a penis hidden inside, and the walls of the rectum are pretty thin, it’ll be getting knocked about a bit care if its close proximity. Some may enjoy this.
Your G-spot and anterior fornix butt up against your rectum, so basically it’s like your G-spot in reverse.
Idk it just hurts for me though. A little touching the external parts is cool, but penetration is painful.
Analog: How can you feel pleasure from someone sucking on your finger for instance?
My biggest sexual organ is my brain and when my body is used to get someone else off, I, too get off on it. It feels so so so so good to take dick in the ass (especially if they hit my prostate, but that part is not necessary).
How is a dick different than a toy?
There is certainly the emotional aspect of it, but in terms of physical sensations?
How is a dick different than a toy . . . in terms of physical sensations?
Physically only?
- there’s the person attached to it who’s enjoying ramming you
- temperature
- unless someone else is toying you, you’re missing out on submitting to their rhythm
- the sound (not physical, but not strictly emotional)
- that the top is getting off too from the exact same friction (again not exactly physical, but I would have a hard time saying it’s just as good having someone toy you and jo at the same time as it is if he’s fucking you)
Physically only because I imagine that it is the same feeling emotionally than PIV sex.
My GF doesn’t have a dick, so I was just curious how it differs from a toy.
I have a question for the opposite gender: what’s your gender?
I don’t know what the opposite of my gender is
What’s your gender?
I’m a singularity of thought existing in the mythic plane; a mass hallucination; a self-aware story; a dialectical conversation between sociocultural influences.
Ok that means your opposite gender is a rock :)
I’m actually a drop of water flowing down a river, don’t assume my state of matter
I think we can all relate to this
Gay magic space rocks like in Steven Universe?
Dammit Greg, did you get another rock pregnant?
Well, it depends.
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If you’re a non-binary person, we’ll eliminate the non and that’s any binary trans or cis person.
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If you are genderfluid person, then I suppose it would be gendersolid? So probably any cis person?
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If you’re an agender person, then your opposite would obviously be pangender , you can be a lack to their all.
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And if you are simply a person, well then that would be xenogender!
Or vice versa! ♥ 💕
Oooh! I like that! Xenan. Nice ring to it! My response in “normal” company is she/her but my friends and I always joke about me being a garden cryptid.
Brings memories of Alg I.
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For the menfolks; how would you feel if your SO announced they were trans and began transition? Would you stay together? Or just become friends or something?
As a lady I don’t know how I’d feel, I think the sexual part would be a huge loss for me. I likes the G-spot orgasms.
This is probably more of an individual’s question than a gender-based question. I would support the transition, but I’d be lying to myself if I said I’d want to be with a trans guy. I am vanilla-ass hetero.
I think I would try at least, but I’m not into lesbianism. So hard to say.
I would become friend. But I could not stay in a relationship with my partner. I am heterosexual, so dating a man wouldn’t work for me.
Friend, if possible. My relationship preference is for women, so, I don’t see it working out.
Good question, and highly dependent. I think for the most part I’d move to being friends.
I know someone it happened to and she is still married but IDk about the sexual side.
As a trans masculine non-binary person it’s more of personal conversation. My partner isn’t into masculine body types so my transition ended up being purely social because my partner does more on a daily basis to contribute to my happiness then the comfort of being in a body that doesn’t make me feel like shit daily. It’s a bit like having a pet allergy but deciding that you can live with feeling like someone poured sand into your sinuses every day rather than giving up your furry best friend. For all purposes though our relationship is coded and treated as though I am my specified gender. We are effectively culturally a same sex couple. Neither of us use female terms for my junk and he doesn’t claim to be straight. We do joke he is “queer by association” however.
But what I am doing counts as a full transition.
In regards to the what you give up situation it’s all rather dependant on how adverse you are and whether someone in your relationship is able to give a little and how much you value and ultimately how non-fungible the relationship is to you… Because - just putting it out there - strap-ons do exist.
Yeah they just aren’t what I want though. It’s not that I wouldn’t be supporting him, it’s that I don’t know how that part would go.
And that’s fine. I do what I do because I have a mentality of non-fungibility. There aren’t simply more fish in the sea, this is my person. There’s not another one out there for me.
There isn’t anything ethically wrong with someone with a more flexible approach to romance or someone who has a hard boundry. Not everyone is down for a sacrifice at that level for another person - and that is okay, not everyone is deserving of being the recipient of that kind of sacrifice just as everyone isn’t nessisarily capable of making that kind of sacrifice. If you are only kind of happy with your relationship then that’s not enough it has to be deep. It isn’t nessisarily easy, it doesn’t get easier and it might require daily conviction. It is a vulnerable space too. If you don’t have absolute trust it’s not going to work and absolute trust comes with intense emotional risk.
But on the other hand of things if your partner is dead set on doing this, you love them in a holistic way, you’re in a stable environment and you are at any level unsure of your ability to be attracted to them… you could probably afford to try. You might actually surprise yourself with be how you are okay then you thought you would be - and you can set the expectation at the beginning of the process that you are unsure of yourself and don’t know if it’s something you can do so they know and weigh the risks as part of their transition. Not all transitions are 100%. Trans people are often very calculated about what they choose to pursue based on what they personally value out of life in a more general sense. Not everyone goes for every option and the reasons behind them are intensely personal value judgements that involve way more than just the dysphoria/euphoria hits. I think way too many people peace out of things in general before they try or fully understand something and miss out because they built molehills into mountains. The process of transition isn’t lightning fast. You have time to think, to adjust, to compromise and if it really isn’t working for you then you will be absolutely sure that it’s not for you.
It all depends on your personal estimation of the value of the relationship you have going and how open you are to the process of self exploration to test your hypothesis about yourself against an actual real life situation. Because none of us know ourselves half so well as we think we do.
I’m not unwilling to try, that’s for sure.
Then, provided this is not simply a theoretical, I wish you whatever outcome is the best for everyone in the situation you are in. May you and your partner find the most happiness whatever that outcome looks like.
Oh haha he’s not doing that. It was just a hypothetical.
I’m bi.
If they’re going FtM, that would sadly be the end of the relationships. Can see ourselves being friends, though!
It wouldn’t be a problem. I’m bi, and when I’m in love, it’s not a question of gender expression or body.
I mean…I Guess my wife would have to get used to getting banged in the ass.
So I guess if be to down for it?
Girl’s, how long have you been holding that fart?
After a few months of dating and holding them in, those farts and all future ones earn their freedom. My boyfriend now blames the cats when he smells something, which is very nice of him.
My now wife hid them from me for about 3 or 4 months. She’s more flatulent than me. Always to think about how hush hush it has to be before everything comes out. I farted in front of her within days of our first kiss.
If women are truly the fairer sex, why are they always cheating at cards?
