One that comes to mind for me: “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is not always true. Maybe even only half the time! Are there any phrases you tend to hear and shake your head at?

      • FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        21
        ·
        2 months ago

        For me it turned me into a depressed person who no longer feels emotion the way I did before. I’m 99% numb. The other 1% is manic attacks.

        • jollyrogue@lemmy.ml
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          2 months ago

          Shout out to my ex who started on #2 recently, as people keep telling me.

          Maybe they got therapy and will be a better person this time. Maybe #2 will be the person they need. Whatever. Peace.✌🏽

          • FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            2 months ago

            I can relate. My experience completely changed my personality.

            I definitely look at the pre-depression version of myself and see a completely different person.

    • Juergen@lemmy.sdf.org
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      15
      ·
      2 months ago

      In the same vein (and at least as dangerous): “Pain is just weakness leaving the body.” No, you testosterone poisoned numb-nuts - it is your body’s way of telling you that something is not right. Stop and listen!

      • Loulou@lemmy.mindoki.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        2 months ago

        With the exception when someone starts out a new sport or even manual work, like yep you’re a bit achy now, good on you because that’s the feeling of laziness escaping!

    • aeronmelon@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      11
      ·
      2 months ago

      Science has proven that what doesn’t kill you (like a virus) actually weakens you. But, conversely, you become more efficient at responding to that specific thing so it only appears like it made you stronger.

    • TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      1
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      2 months ago

      Well, no, the trauma is the event itself. The reaction to it is post-traumatic stress. If that stress gets in the way of your day-to-day functioning, then it could be called PTSD (but there’s like pages and pages of diagnostic criteria too).

    • Remotedeck@discuss.tchncs.de
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      10
      ·
      2 months ago

      That reminds me of that zach and cody episode where their mom says “alls fair in love and war” and both of them run with it and Cody ends up locking Zach in a closet as he steals the girl

    • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      2 months ago

      It’s not a great saying if used to defend acts (on the love side of things, that mindset can even ruin what it’s trying to “win”), but it does make sense to keep it in mind when considering possible actions of other players. If you’re fighting for someone’s love or at war, don’t assume there’s any moral limits to what others might do and that it’s thus safe to ignore those angles.

  • Boozilla@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    72
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    2 months ago

    Not a fan of “it is what it is”. It’s called a thought-terminating cliche. It often means “I’m tired of talking about this, do it my way” when my boss says it.

    • flerp@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      59
      ·
      2 months ago

      I’ve always liked it. I guess it depends who is saying it because when my old boss said it, it meant more like, “this is the situation we’re in, let’s not waste time arguing about why it is the situation and let’s just focus on dealing with it and going forward”

      • 9point6@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        20
        ·
        2 months ago

        Yeah it can have wildly different meanings depending on the circumstances in which it’s said. It can be “well we can’t change it, may as well get on with life” all the way to “well this discussion is not gonna change anything, let’s get on with fixing it”. Very similar, but polar opposite sentiments.

          • forrgott@lemm.ee
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            8
            ·
            2 months ago

            First one is saying there’s no point fixing anything, just get over it. Second one saying fixing it might suck, let’s fix it anyway.

            Very, very different…

              • forrgott@lemm.ee
                link
                fedilink
                arrow-up
                3
                ·
                2 months ago

                I personally would only use the original phrase to imply what you’re saying. This is why context matters so much I think; some people just use it as a thought terminating cliche, I’m afraid.

      • Boozilla@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        2 months ago

        Sure, not everything needs to be picked apart in detail. But, I never use the phrase myself. As someone else ITT pointed out, context matters, too.

        I tend to say things like, “we should fix it now, worry about blame later”. Or something along those lines.

            • Enkrod@feddit.org
              link
              fedilink
              arrow-up
              1
              ·
              2 months ago

              The basic law of Cologne:

              §1: Et es wie et es. („It is how it is.“) Look the facts in the eye, you can’t change them.

              $2: Et kütt wie et kütt. („It’ll come as it comes.“) Accept the inevitable, you can’t change fate.

              §3: Et hätt noch emmer joot jejange. („Everything turned out fine in the past.“) What turned out okay yesterday, will still work tomorrow. Situationally: We know it’s shit, but it’s the best we can do with what we have.

              §4: Wat fott es, es fott. („What’s gone is gone.“) Don’t cling to the past.

              §5: Et bliev nix wie et wor. („Nothing ever stays the same.“) Be open to new developments.

      • Bobmighty@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        2 months ago

        I use it for things that can be talked about for ages, but nothing can be changed about them. I don’t use it to terminate discussion, but more of a well understood quick hand for acceptance and sometimes resignation.

    • grue@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      edit-2
      2 months ago

      “Agree to disagree” is even worse, especially since often the thing you’re arguing about is an empirical goddamn fact and they are not entitled to “disagree” about it. That’s not having a difference of opinion; that’s just fucking being wrong!

    • FreshLight@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      2 months ago

      I use it when people keep complaining about situations they cannot change. Yes, we fell in the hole, yes it hurt, please just let’s focus on how to get out.

      “Ah fuck, this hole sucks! Who even dug that here!? My shoes are dirty, my pants are a mess!” …

      “Well… It is what it is. Let’s get out.”

    • Maeve@kbin.earth
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      2
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      2 months ago

      Interesting. I use it to indicate I may not like a situation, but I have to play the have I was dealt to the best of my ability, and sometimes… Well to quote lyrics, “got to know when to hold cem, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run.”

  • november@lemmy.vg
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    55
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    2 months ago

    “Grow up and live in the real world” / “Life’s not fair” / other thought-terminating cliches used to shut down anyone who wants the world to be a better place than it is. Like, I fucking know it’s an unfair place. The whole point is that I would like for it to be less unfair.

    • MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      19
      ·
      edit-2
      2 months ago

      I got told “life isn’t fair” so many times growing up, I came up with a default comeback: “Doesn’t mean you have to be.”

      A version of it has grown to became my tenet in life: “The universe doesn’t care, so we have to.”

      • elephantium@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        2 months ago

        life isn’t fair

        It’s not as pithy, but I think “Just because you didn’t get your way, doesn’t mean it’s unfair” would be a better sentiment for adults to tell children.

        Or “I don’t fucking care what happened, I just don’t want to hear you whine about it”. Hardly an acceptable way to talk to children, but I think it’s what adults in my life meant when I was a child.

    • FuzzyRedPanda@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      4
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      2 months ago

      “Life isn’t fair” always bothered me, even as a kid, because it was used against me to dismiss unjust actions.

      Saying something isn’t fair is basically saying it’s not right, it’s not just.

      Trying to claim the injustice against me is moot or unimportant just because there’s lots of injustice in the world, seems bonkers to me.

    • Asafum@feddit.nl
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      2 months ago

      I actually am guilty of using that when people try to tell me “there’s someone out there for everyone.” Or “don’t worry, you’ll find someone who loves you for you.”

      Like no? Life isn’t fair, there’s no guarantee of anything.

      To your point I agree though, discussing what we’d like to improve is important.

      • jpreston2005@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        2 months ago

        “You’ll find someone who loves you for you,” is totally true, as long as you are also continuously lowering your standards until you find them.

    • Praise Idleness@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      4
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      2 months ago

      I hate how “well life is just not fair” shuts down so many very much needed discussions.

      That being said, I say that a lot, especially to myself whenever someone, again, including myself, is being intolerable brat who thinks they deserve fairness. No, that’s not how world works.

      Funny thing is that those kind of people tend to not care about other people’s struggle or fairness.

      • MaggiWuerze@feddit.org
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        11
        ·
        2 months ago

        is being intolerable brat who thinks they deserve fairness

        Why do you think anyone does not deserve to be treated fairly?

        • Praise Idleness@sh.itjust.works
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          2
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          2 months ago

          I believe treating people fairly, obviously.

          But you’ll have hard times that don’t seem so fair; car accident, illness… What I meant by people not deserving fairness is for that kind of things

  • snooggums@midwest.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    43
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    edit-2
    2 months ago

    "Pull up by the bootstraps"aka bootstrapping was a phrase originally coined to mean something being literally impossible and is now used as a tool to shame the poor for not overcoming nearly impossible social barriers.

    “That’s just how they are” is always used to excuse bullies for being bullies.

    • tal@lemmy.today
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      25
      ·
      2 months ago

      aka bootstrapping

      “Bootstrapping” came after “pull up by the bootstraps”. The former does allude to the latter, but it isn’t the same phrase; it was used in computing to refer to the initial startup of a computer, where the computer has to start up enough of itself to load its own code into memory. That’s a difficult problem, but not an impractical one.

  • BarrierWithAshes@fedia.io
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    40
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    2 months ago

    Unused ram is wasted ram. Pisses me off to no end. What I do with my ram is my concern, I don’t want you bloating up and using it.

    • Kairos@lemmy.today
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      10
      ·
      edit-2
      2 months ago

      RAM usually sits at 95% utilized anyway. People who say this dont know the first thing about operatig systems. They cache files…

    • RisingSwell@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      7
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      2 months ago

      That currently unused ram has use later on. I don’t use my second ram stick without booting up a game, doesn’t mean it’s a waste.

    • Blaster M@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      edit-2
      2 months ago

      Depends on the context, I suppose. I always say to get twice the RAM than you think you need when building/buying a system. Like storage space, the ideal memory usage is 50 percent with the biggest memory eaters you have running. Enough to run everything you have and room to grow for the future.

      Or as I prefer to say, no such thing as too much RAM (assuming your system supports it)

  • Hayduke@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    38
    ·
    edit-2
    2 months ago

    “He/she just tells it like it is” No, they are just saying things that resonate with you, but have no actual alignment with data, facts or morality. Simply saying things with no filter doesn’t equal “like it is”. I find it is usually attributed to, at best, oversimplified or completely ignorant statements, at worst, misleading and/or hateful statements.

    • elephantium@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      2 months ago

      You just reminded me of this

      Those who champion “brutal honesty” are more interested in the brutality than the honest

    • cows_are_underrated@feddit.org
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      2 months ago

      I think it depends on the context. If we have an expert on a topic who tries to use some form of simplified Modell and direct speach to make his knowledge more understandable for everyone it is true. Even tho it may be simplified it still contains the most important parts.

  • Wolfeh@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    36
    ·
    2 months ago

    In response to gross privacy violations from big companies and governments:

    “If you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve got nothing to fear.”

    • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      2 months ago

      I see it like a special move.

      Like I’m interjecting/interrupting.

      So like “Quick question attack! Where did you get that pie?”

    • tiredofsametab@fedia.io
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      2 months ago

      I try to only use that when it’s information I expect the person already knows and can answer quickly (i.e. generally very concrete yes/no questions of low complexity)

      • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        2 months ago

        Yeah, I use it in contexts where if they know the answer offhand, great please help, but if they don’t know, I’m not requesting they spend time or effort looking it up. I can do that myself and don’t intend to offload that part.

        It’s like a short answer question on a quiz rather than a research paper term assignment, except leaving the answer blank on the quiz is an acceptable answer.

    • elephantium@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      2 months ago

      I use this, and I struggle a little to disengage when the person I ask interprets it as “help me figure out how to solve this” when they don’t actually have the “short answer”.

  • perishthethought@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    27
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    2 months ago

    I’m sure I’ll get guff for this but, “common sense”. Throughout my youth, when people told me something was common sense, I usually thought they were wrong.

    • ghashul@feddit.dk
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      2 months ago

      The problem is that common sense isn’t all that common. In Denmark we say “healthy sense” instead.

    • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      2 months ago

      I rip into people who say “common sense”. It’s often used by people who aren’t good communicators.

    • shalafi@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      2 months ago

      I hate the phrase in political contexts.

      “We need common sense (insert) laws!”

      In other words, you either agree with me or lack common sense.

      • perishthethought@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        2 months ago

        That was exactly how adults used the phrase a lot for me as a kid, which made me never use it myself, ever.

    • grue@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      edit-2
      2 months ago

      I especially hate it here in the South, as it’s used as a sanctimonious “fuck you” while dishonestly claiming righteousness.

      For example, the last time that was said to me was when some asshole crossed a double-yellow to pass me while I was doing 22 in a 25 mph school zone (which means he was doing at least 35 or 40). When I pulled up next to him at the red light and pointed that out, he bitched at me for taking the lane instead of riding in the bike lane (that didn’t exist! It was half a block of shoulder that ended!). He continued to argue that cyclists weren’t entitled to use the street, then as the light changed said “bless you” as if he fucking won and drove off.

      It is the most condescending, assholish thing you can say to a person and it makes me want to punch you in your smarmy goddamn face every single time.

  • dumbass@leminal.space
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    29
    arrow-down
    5
    ·
    2 months ago

    “lets agree to disagree”

    how about fuck you, one of us is wrong and I want to know which one of us that is!

    • yeahiknow3@lemmings.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      24
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      edit-2
      2 months ago

      Most people don’t care about what’s true, something that took me forever to realize. Encountering humanity under the assumption that everyone cares about the truth (or any aspect of empirical and normative reality) is bound to be suuuper confusing until you figure things out. People are literally animals (we forget that), and animals are just trying to survive. Some of them are cute or loving. Not all of them are particularly “good,” and even fewer are willing to sacrifice creature comforts in pursuit of some abstract virtues. That’s why Trump gets any votes.

    • grepe@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      2 months ago

      but there is just no right or wrong answer to every question… sometimes it’s just about opinion.

      sometimes these questions are trivial (which color of tie should I wear with this shirt) and sometimes they are literally life and death questions (should death penalty be legal)… and there will always be people with opposing opinions on them. “agreeing to disagree” is literally the best possible thing they can do to live in the same society.

    • itsralC@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      2 months ago

      I find it really useful to shut down discussions where no one is budging and are just overall a big waste of time. As an example, if I’ve been trying to convince someone that the earth is round for 10 minutes and they clearly don’t have any interest in changing their view, I’ll just spare me the trouble and say it. If they still refuse to let it go, I start blindly agreeing with them, that usually does the trick.

  • __Lost__@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    23
    ·
    2 months ago

    “it’s just a few bad apples”

    That’s only half the saying. It is used most of the time as if the full thing is “a few bad apples aren’t a problem because the rest are fine” rather than the real thing “a few bad apples spoil the lot.”

    • xenoclast@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      edit-2
      2 months ago

      Yeah. I always vehemently agree with the person misusing. “Yes! That’s exactly it. A few bad apples spoil the bunch. Perfectly captures the problem, friend! Good call.”

    • pseudo@jlai.lu
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      2 months ago

      In French, it is actuall “a single apple” spoil the whole thing “une pomme pourrie gâte tout le panier”

  • irotsoma@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    22
    ·
    2 months ago

    Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you numb and traumatized, not stronger. Big difference.

    • TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      edit-2
      2 months ago

      Yeaaahhhh Nietzsche was making a very different point about convalescence but of course popular culture bastardized it. If Nietzsche knew that he was going to become an anthem for white girl positivity, he would… well, he’d probably gloat because he predicted that. But his gloating would look like misery.

  • metaStatic@kbin.earth
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    23
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    2 months ago

    people talking about not being old enough to retire.

    Retirement is a function of finance not age.

    • criticon@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      13
      ·
      2 months ago

      You can’t take money from certain funds like 401k before reaching certain age without paying hefty penalty tho

    • ilmagico@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      2 months ago

      There are parts of the world where it is a function of age, or at least of the number of years you’ve been working, because the government will pay you a pension after you worked and paid taxes this many years.